Friday, December 31, 2010

The end of a year full of positiviness for the new one

Looking back on this year, it has had a lot of ups and downs.

Thankfully mainly they were happy stories but also a lot of worries and stress.

2010 showed me a lot and I accepted a bit and left quite a lot of it unattended.

Tomorrow starts a new year, all I will be doing is expanding my new found knowledge to give love, forgiveness, compassion & kindness to the ones surrounding me.

It is a big challenge mind because I tend to loose patience quite quickly and anger issues persist and even if I see myself doing wrong I never have the strength of stopping doing it.  So this is the year were I plan to overcome anger once and for all.

I look forward to the new year with positive intentions, knowing some of the difficult moments we'll go through as a family, imagining others and simply knowing that others will surely come our way that we are not aware of.

However, living a more simple life means that expecting less you will gain more and that is a wonderful thing to know!

Monday, December 27, 2010

pre partum depression

Got a headache.
Am lethargic.
Big & slow.

3 weeks left.
Seems like a year.
Moaning when should be thankful.

Everything suspended.
Waiting...
tick, tock, tick, tock.

Waiting for the morning to pass.
Waiting for the afternoon to pass.
Sleeping till morning comes.
Redo the above process again.

This is a bad kinda "poem" and not exactly a happy one either.  It however reflects the disjointed feelings I have these days, even when thankful and enjoying the moment.  I look forward to the birth of this one- not really to meet the baby, but more to finally be able to live again.  Yes maybe I will be more tired caring for 2 and maybe my patience will be even more taut than usual and yet, I know as a certainty that life with the baby outside the womb will be much better, more fruitful, less tiring really (this chronic fatigue that no matter how much you sleep, relax and do nothing and so on can remove).



Friday, December 24, 2010

The grace which is Christmas 39 to 48

It's Christmas Eve! 

I find it fitting to honour this very special day with some more of God's good graces.  Truth be said I realised this week how bountiful they have been in the past few weeks.

39.  private work for my hubs even if it is meaning so much less time together it is helping us much financially and he is gaining more reputation in his field.  Proud of you darling!
40. my parents' business finally starting again with the help of friends which I am trusting will give them that bit extra security finally to relieve their financial problems.
41. Internet access which can keep me in touch with my family & friends abroad
42. lots of baked goodies, made with love and care to all my family & friends to share
43. The Maltese government hospital. maybe we wait long and has waiting lists, but eveyone is efficient and helpful
44. children - they remind us of our memories
45. winter without much cold.  most days we have the sun and temp. rarely  go down less 15 degrees celcius
46. stubbornness so I never give up on my goal
47.  seeing the path still long to complete this task but knowing that slow is better.
48.  the best grace of all is knowing Jesus will once more be born within us to forgive our sins tonight

I trust your Christmas is as blessed as mine and more.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

What a bummer I've been! - grace 38

Today I had a slap in the face!

I was reading a blog and about the difficulties they were going through due to his infidelity and her battle to restore their marriage.  While there I saw something that showed me a mistake I have done and realised that I had been silly in my expectations at the time and it was time to go back to square one.

So, although I am being ambiguous about this whole thing, I will re start afresh and set up my heart on firmer ground.

This is a new grace from God showing me the way when I loose it and am stumbling along.  I am glad to have been given this new opportunity and will thrive to make love work more than usual.

Monday, December 13, 2010

What's been happening with my kids!

I haven't updated much on Greg or my pregnancy so with these few precious quiet moments decided to finally do so.

My big baby is growing suddenly way too quickly!  Since the weekend, he started counting (and I don't mean just saying the numbers but actually count) up till 10.  It surprised me I have to say as he never seemed interested in them at all.  He can also recite the ABC's though he doesn't really match them with the actual letters and he likes help with them.  Also since this weekend, he is identifying the following colours: blue, red, brown, yellow, black & orange.  The amount of words he uses in his phrases is astounding and I must admit I lost complete count of them now.  We are at a stage were anything he eats is plain.  Plain pasta or rice mainly.  On the other hand he has tried and started eating sandwiches with cheese, eggs (in whatever form) & cookies (as long as they are plain white ones).  Enjoys plain milk or with ovaltine and is categorically refusing soups & meat and we still haven't gone back to eating fruits unless its the organix pureed variety!  He simply enjoys being read to or told stories or sung to (especially carols right now!) and plays a lot with trucks & cars but nothing much else.  Another extra we have improved on is the cooking.  Most of the time he enjoys helping me stir and throwing veggies in the pots or doing dough or cutting up veg.  He still loves helping with the cleaning (but this is very mood oriented!) and last but not least he simply adores being outside and preferably in the country or where there is soil, flowers & plants to play with!  What I am not enjoying much is having him see too much TV but I am just too heavy and most of the time got no energy to do things with him.  Besides I can't sit down comfortably or find any good position to stay in and in the end let him watch the blessed DVDs.

Character wise, he is a joy to be with (like with any child really).  However, although exploring his boundaries, I am significantly actively showing him what is acceptable and not- which is tiring in itself haha- and most of the time he accepts that authority and doesn't tantrum much.  His sleeping improved and now sleeps till 5 am most nights.  But a slight change in the nighttime routine disturbs him alot so we keep mostly to our routine.  Next month he will be 2 and although we will also have the new baby, am looking forward to see other improvements.

As for the baby I have now 5 weeks left to wait.  Compared to Greg its already way too big.  And yes I do feel that its bigger and heavier and can't wait to deliver it- I truly believe that having baby outside my body will improve a lot of things in my life right now- baby LOVES moving and does that most of the time.  Its already head down and although aware it can still turn around, I have my doubts it will.  These past two days started feeling it very low down making it more difficult to get up or sit down.  The pain has slightly increased though its still manageable.  Otherwise all is normal in our little world.  I felt for a while that baby will come early into the world and the nearer we get to the festive weeks the stronger the feeling....I wonder if it will truly happen.

Well that's all folks! Wish you all a great week.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

1000 graces from God 28 - 37

28. The smell of baked goodies
29.  Mild weather even though I wish some real cold
30.  Workmen doing quick, efficient work
31.  Smiles every morning
32.  Waking at 5 am instead of 3.30 am
33.  Reading blogs that inspire me in my parenting
34.  Finding patience in waiting
35.  Pain & Giddyness that slow me down
36.  A crib in disorder, where my son enjoys playing :)
37.  TV- even though I've been trying to minimise TV watching at the moment its been a God send whenever I lack the enregy.

What are your graces this week?

Friday, December 3, 2010

Christmasy

It's the 3rd of December, I have 7 weeks left (according to the doctors) to give birth.
 My only complaint which has been ongoing throughout these 8 months now is tiredness and my pelvis hurting and it's still my only real complaint!  However, that ain't keeping me back from celebrating Christmas- the birth of Jesus our Lord!

It is my favourite season - even if here the cold is minimal and coats haven't been brought out yet- the decorations, the baking, the presents and the feast in itself.  In fact my idea is to bring up my son looking at it as a celebration of the Jesus' birth as it should be and not of Santa and presents.  That will just be an extra bonus :)

We have lots of activities planned- visiting cribs, watching caroling and puppet shows, seeing the lights lighting up our capital city at night.  It is all simply wonderful and been dreamy about it for over a month already.  Now that December actually started, I have already my decos, presents etc in place, as well as half the baking done....but the tiredness is a killer, after just mixing the mince filling and putting it in jars I feel awful!  However, with the baby kicking unendingly and wondering if it will ever tire of doing so, I let myself dream of this spectacular Christmas even if I know that normally the higher the expectations the lower the results.

I hope you are all gearing up in your Christmas Spirit and may the real spirit be present to guide you along the way.

Blessings

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Autumn

Random pictures of Greg taken this Autumn........
Enjoying seeing a live donkey

he does like photos can you tell?

playing at Buskett

my favourite pic of Autumn so far

seeing ducks at San Anton Gardens

hmmmmm not sure he liked the idea

peekaboo

time for lunch feeling peckish

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

1000 graces from God 18 - 27

18. The ability to do anything we wish
19. Family who are there for you to help at any moment
20. My son's laugh when I do funny faces
21. Food, that is always in our kitchen ready to be consumed
22. Baking goodies
23. Money, something we seem that we can't do without but always somehow comes at the right moment
24. Books, available to us at our own fingertips
25. Love
26. Friendship, re defining the meaning (thanks cous!)
27. Hugs and kisses, given for free meaning a lot!

What are you grateful for at the moment? What graces do you feel were presented to you?

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Lost

My mind feels utterly full of unprocessed thoughts.

Thoughts I didn't know were there.....

Like many other days I woke up angry.  For what reason I have had no idea.  Anger directed to my husband and son.  I feel tired of doing so.  It is unneccessary, it only makes the people I love miserable and yet I can't control myself.

This morning having a few minutes alone, I put on my CD of Christian songs to clear my mind, asked God for his guidance and went into meditation.  I didn't quite meditate as lots of thoughts kept coming up to me.  At one point I felt inspired into poetry and suddenly it struck me why I am angry.

Angry, coz I cannot play with my son the way he'd love to and we most of the time end up in front of TV which I don't want to either.
Angry, coz I cannot clean my own home.  I love keeping it in shape but I have to let others do it for me.
Angry, coz I feel so utterly tired, that even an evening with friends ends up on a bad note.
Angry, coz all this makes me angry and uncontrolable and hurt the people I love, coz I judge them and think unrespectful thoughts of them.

So I am letting down my tears of anger....trusting Jesus to give me the strength to overcome these adversities.
Praying, that I haven't done much damage to my son's development with my bursts of anger.

My mind is still clogged, but I do feel that little bit lighter.  It's difficult to focus at times on the goals I wish for my family, still my faith will not let up, I know I will get there.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sick - Joyful moments

We've been sick with colds.

After a week inside, we were impatient to go outdoors and although the weather ain't good, I wrapped us well and went to the garden nearby.

Greg was estatic to say the least and seeing him jumping in the dead leaves and running from me as I threw him grass was a joy.  The simple pleasures of life!  It made me see how an uncomplaining kid I got and how important it is for him to have outside time as much as possible.

He's still waking at 4 am and although he tries, he doesn't manage to sleep and in the end gives up.  The good thing is that we have eliminated the jumping on bed, requesting snacks, tantruming etc at this hour.  Still trying to find a solution but am calm about it- after all things fall into place quite quickly.

Tomorrow, I got my next gyni appt.- 30 weeks friends. the countdown is officially on!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

random Saturday

Today I had a sad feeling.

My sister came over and frankly we couldn't find anything to talk about to each other.  It was a struggle which we both at times gave up of persuing.

I had hoped long ago, that once we both have kids we would become closer.  Yet this is not the case- maybe coz our parenting methods are so different, maybe coz our way of thinking is very different...probably its a combination of all but it feels like a failure.  Something I wanted to do and never got to!

On another topic, I have updated my wish list of things to accomplish and was very interested in seeing my once long list reduced to half a dozen things.  I was quite interested to note that my yoga teacher course is on the not sure list now.  Why? I got no idea myself when that happened but recently I started thinking about it since I was meant to start it next May.  I realised that I wasn't much interested in doing it per se.  I'd like to, but not to use as a job anymore but only as a byproduct kinda to further my insight in my future work.  Yes, I do believe that when the kiddies start school I will go back to work.  I am thinking on something to do with child care truly.  Maybe it will only be voluntary work, I really have no idea just yet but I know I will need to work hard for a rhythm when the time comes.

Tonight I hope to manage and have a date with hubs...well just a night in really together but still.  Yet this cold I got isn't being very helpful and am more inclined to sleep -yikes-.

Today, I am glad for some time alone at home.  For my son who's fed up of being inside all day long but doesn't quite complain much.  For hubs who is being soooo helpful even if I don't show the appreciation all the time.  For the work he's got that is enabling us to finally start renovations on our home.  It's gonna be a quiet weekend at home and that's ok.  We will have lots of filled days when the kids get older :) so enjoying the inactivity is what I am practicing right now.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

1000 graces from God 12 -17

God grants peace when we let it in his hands.

So our everlasting conundrum of Greg waking at 3 am and can't fall asleep without the breast and normally now not quite sleeping but just enjoy its comfort in quiet snugness, has been solved.  i have placed it in God's hand - I can't and won't actually force my child into something against his nature.  As I was advised this is the next step before weaning themselves completely out of the breast.  Greg will probably wean himself before the baby is born.  He sleeps without it, he just needs it early morning.  I looked at it in a different perspective,  God showed me how the breast time had become a routine and now is a valued moment of closeness- grace 12!

We've been meaning to do our bedroom for 2 years now.  But it never worked out.  Me & Dave, have been the most connected recently I feel and are now nearing completion of the bedroom saga.  I looked at it recently as a way that God helped us to reconnect and become closer and when the bedroom is finally done, we'd be on the right track- grace 13!

14 - feeling your kicking child within
15- growing bellies
16 - family moments
17 - being able and willing to show love

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Give away

The parenting passageway is a wonderful source of information I found in my parenting journey.  And right now there is an added bonus...the giveaway of a book I'd really wished to read- discipline without distress. 
You can read a very interesting post on the Twelve to Twenty Two month old traditional perspective of child development following this link and of course you might want to enter the giveaway as well.

Hugs to all!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

projects & rhythms

I've been refining our daily schedule-rhythm and am quite happy with the outcome.  Next on the list is starting an activity every week with Greg so I really need to plan in advance what we'll be doing, any materials I'll need etc.  Then there is the family time to sort out, the couple time and the me time..... its quite a list I know. 

Yet it's the first time I am feeling really optimistic and am into it to truly give it a go.  I might not be socialising a lot or going out of the house so much with family &  friends but I am busy and am happy and all I need is enough courage to start projects I have been wishing to do but always postponing like:

bread making
trying to knit
doing crafts for my son and with my son

Apart for these, have been sorting our house renovations projects and will start getting quotes soon for the bedroom.  It's quite exciting and with some good luck we might have a new bedroom by mid next year.

Any projects you are doing right now?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

We might have cracked the code

For the past week and a half I started grieving.

My beloved son whom I enjoy breastfeeding, turned from nursing to simply suckling my breast like a pacifier.

Since I believe this is not an option I have to freely give him and since if he starts this he doesn't stop till he wakes up and doesn't sleep well anyway, I together with my husband's support decided to quit nursing.  We both didn't like it and so he was tantruming his heart out while refusing straight and plain to go to sleep and me got angry at him for being stubborn and not nursing as he should.

Of course it didn't help and after a few days of battling, I tried to find some help on the net as usual.  Although I didn't find actual info relevant to my situation, we still found some worthwhile solutions.  So yesterday we changed a bit the bedtime routine so that the usual steps which he associates with sleeping time didn't happen and Dave took up the responsibility of bath and sleep.  This worked wonderfully- he slept within 20 minutes without a single cry and when he woke up at night he went to sleep alone and when he couldn't Dave took him up and helped him back to sleep.  In the end half an hour before he usually wakes up, he came for me for some breast and I did let him suckle on for 30 mins (which I will reduce with 5 mins every week).  Now will see what happens tonight!

As for nap time, it is still a bit of a struggle since I'm alone at home and he wants the breast but when the worse comes to the worse I take him for a ride in the car.  The same thing as night time we do at nap time - if he asks for my breast a few minutes before he usually wakes up I give it to him.  This meant that 2 days in a row he woke up with a smile from nap time which of course made me smile.

It is so sad actually for a nursing mother to have and stop doing what comes so natural.  However, I am blessed to have been able to do it for nearly 2 years and God willing the new comer in January will be more than happy to nurse as well.  Maybe part of the sadness is also as I wish to see both my children breastfeed together and feel complete and happy all of us together... I know its a fantasy story but still.....

If we have truly found a solution, I can thank God once more that things are settling more rapidly than ever.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

1000 graces from God no 9 -11

Life throws us a lot of unexpecteds.  Sometimes they are easy to deal with.  Others consume us with questions, guilt, grief and such emotions.  Grace no 9- remembering that God is our leader and we must submit to Him and let Him guide us in the quest called life.

I wanted the perfect baby shower but as already said things happen that makes us change tactics.  Grace no 10 - that just catching up with family and friends and having some time to enjoy their company is all we need.  Parties are just excuses to do so even if they turn out different.

Lately I felt more in tune with hubs and found this a wonderful bonding time in its way.  Grace no 11 - Knowing I have the prefect husband for me and doing something that makes him smile is always wonderful

Reassured yet confounded
Lost but knowing the way
Sad but finding happiness
Adjusting yet maladjusting
This is me and I trust me!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

1000 graces from God No 5- 8

5. Rain - We've been having a lot of rain so far this Autumn.  I am not complaining at all really considering the very dry Winter we have had, this is a wonderful blessing even if it means we stay in.
6. Family - Met up with my cousin yesterday.  We sometimes don't meet for years even if we live jsut 15 mins by car away.  it was great seeing him and spending time with him and his wife.  Also grateful to still have 2 grandparents alive whom I can visit often. My nanna is wonderful and wouldn't change her in the whole world!
7. Health - Been very tired but I am healthy so I remind myself of that so as to stop myself from complaining!
8. Tantrums - The terrible 2s at 20 months---bring it on! I might feel overwhelmed, defeated, worried and insecure but my little man shows me he's got a will and he will use it at every possible moment to try and get his wants.  Isn't that wonderful knowing that?


It is not an easy time at our house right now.  However, when I write here or in my journal something always triggers me to remember something else which in turn helps me in these trying times.  Maybe I hardly see any progress but I know that one day we will get there.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

mummy can't take it anymore

I can't wait for next weekend.

It's not the party really- that is just a plus- some time to spend with friends and get to know them even better.

It's simply the me time I haven't had in ages.  Just thinking of going out from early morning and spending a whole day all by my self is dizzying! 

I've been nagging and complaining non stop and although I see it and disgust myself hearing me speak I can't stop it.  I am tired.  I haven't had any me time for a long time now since I had to stop yoga classes.  When I am alone like now as hubs took Greg for a walk with the hope he finally sleeps, I still can't really relax.  Maybe i simply am so exhausted or its hormones and pregnancy.  We've been havin sleeping issues which i can't seem to resolve and are getting me even more tired.....I just can't function anymore!

I know what to do to get back into balance but I don't have the energy to even start trying or thinking about it.  Also I know its a vicious cycle and when the mama is not into it everyone else in the family is effected.

So what is a mama feeling in burnout to do? pray and love and thank and wait for next week and trust that tomorrow will be better and if Greg can have a normal nap again and sleep till 6 am again instead of 4, I can start planning the balancing act.  Coz really who am I kidding, unless I do it and quick, things will get worse not better.

Friday, October 15, 2010

26 weeks - nearing the countdown

Although 30 weeks for me is the official countdown as there would only be 10 weeks left for the due date, it still feels like its a lot of weeks.  Or maybe its too little weeks...depending on the mood!

Wondering if this baby will be early or late or on time.  Wondering if I should still do my son's birthday party or if I just have to leave it open just in case (since my son was born a day after the due date of my new baby).  If I should still confirm my place at the mother & baby club for the second semester starting in January.  Quite a few questions running around my head but its only the person within me who like to have everything scheduled and in order and sorted a long way before anythng happens that is thinking of these.  Most of the time I just take it easy and simply take it day by day.  After all there is nothing else I can really do since its up to the baby.  The rest will most certainly fall in its place when the time comes.

Other than the random thoughts of nearing the end of this longish journey, the baby kicks as much as can be.  Is already head down though not engaged yet and a good size.  However, re the last bit of info I was aware of already since my weight is sky rocketing this time round!  I realise I don't actually look that big really but the fact remains I am gaining like 3 to 5 kg a month!

My major complaint remains tiredness- lots of it even when my day is very easy. 

That is all for this update folks.  Trust your week is faring as good as mine!

Monday, October 11, 2010

A day in Autumn 2010

Today its a good day!

We finally managed to sleep so woke up well rested albeit still earlier than usual. It was raining cats and dogs and that gave me a smile.  It was coldish and for the first time although not quite necessary put on long sleeves. Can you see my smile growing wider?

Round about 8 am it wasn't raining anymore thought still completely cloudy and decided for a short walk.  Greg was ecstatic about the rain- seems he loves the wintry weather just like mama.  I felt a springy touch to my foot.  The crisp, clean air was great, the snails coming all out looked great, the green grass everywhere looked great.  We had a ball!

Back home we watched some TV, played, sang, ran around and drew.  After lunch we both dropped off for a nap and while Greg is still napping I woke up feeling still outta space.  As soon as my pup wakes up I decided to try my hand and pumpkin carving...halloween is still far off but then here we don't really celebrate it...only its a fun thing to try and get Greg interested in.

How is your Monday faring?

Friday, October 8, 2010

1000 graces from God - No 4

Both me and Greg were tired today!  We didn't have a good night and he didn't manage to sleep come nap time.  By 4 pm we were both exhausted!  I complained with anyone I met and talked to and even got angry at hubs for asking me just a couple of questions. I am tired a said irritatingly, don't ask me anything just let me be.

As usual I was shown how ignorant and ungrateful I am. 

There are people who do body breaking work daily, whose plate is fuller than mine most of the time and yet, they just trudge along and keep their faith that one day it will be better.

So feeling ashamed of myself, I thanked God for another blessing- a good day even though we were tired and tantrum proned.  Than I came here to tell you all about it and eat some nutella pick me up!

What blessing was it showered your way today?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

1000 graces from God- No 3

I tend to belittle my husband.
It happens so automatic that most of the time I don't even know I am doing it.
However, there are those revealing moments where you hear yourself, your tone, your implications and it made me feel sad.  And more sadder that only once in a while I get any comments re this from hubby.
I realise I am a very lucky woman- I've known this fact for a long while- but putting this into perspective I am very lucky indeed.

God showed me the wrong I am doing and like I am nurturing my son to become a better person, I will do my utmost to bring more happiness to my husband.  I mostly used to think that our problem is communication, however I think it might be more stemming from my own ways and I will strive to make life a better place for all of us.  God's graces are incredibly more clear since I started this challenge and although I am still a long way from 1000, I know He is with me all along the way.

Thanks my dear hubs for all the love you offer me even when I reject it!

Monday, October 4, 2010

my son is a person with his own traits

See today started off bad and degenerated later on  and was finally saved.  However I simply am exhausted and tensed and can't wait for actual bed time so I can do some yoga and unwind.

The main problem was last night with an alarm going off for 4 hours and NO ONE switching it off before 6 am!!  By this time both me and Greg had exhausted our will to try and sleep again and were both in a bad mood.  So I kinda knew how the day will play out.

I actually tried to be thankful that we are alive and healthy and had food and clothes etc to make me feel better and more calm.  BUT (of course there is one!)  Gregory didn't share my effort to feel better and happy and so due to lack of  sleep, some teething pain and general bad mood we proceeded from playing quietly to a full blown tantrum.  I silly cow that I am let my anger take over and manhandled him :( which straight away made me feel guilty and bad but at least made me slow down and take a hold of my emotions.

In the end although he was still prone to sudden outbursts, he calmed down enough to eat, nap, watch TV and play.  To smile and run and just be!  This however, made me look at Gregory in a different way.  Actually I was simply skimming this surface when I read a very resonating post at a fellow blogger which made me decide to share this with you as well.

Our children are persons just like us.  Yeah we do tend to forget it just because they are young and we the know it all.  We at times believe that if we are not in a bad mood, they can't be either or else if they are we can make it better.  If they do not oblige us we get angry and make it worse.

But children do have their bad days just like us and as we wouldn't appreciate someone telling us to get over it and smile, neither do our children.  At the same time, it is important that we let them express these feelings for no other reason than to learn about all the different feelings. how to handle them and so on.  When my mind clicked that anger will bring us no where and hugging etc neither because he refused them, I had to think of something else.  It was simple really, I just talked in a gentle way saying that it was ok to be angry and sad, that these moments pass.  Eventually he let me rock him and pat him and soon after calmed down enough to be picked up, hugged, kissed and continue with our day.  It took a long while and a lot of nonsense talking together with the reassurances but we did get there.  His mood improved but was still lets say trigger happy.

This experience and that blog post, made me see more clearly how present I must be.  Gregory can't yet tell me all he feels inside him.  Frustration is an all time high.  He is also his own person and not only I can't control his feelings but its important to acknowledge them and accept them.  No feelings anyone has are bad or good.  It is the way we express them that can be unacceptable socially.  So we are obliged to show them that no matter how they feel, we love them.  That what they are feeling is good.  But show them gently how it is best to control our feelings so they won't get out of hand.  And what better way to do that than us keeping track of our own feelings?

Friday, October 1, 2010

1000 Grace from God - No 2

I can excuse myself today that the night before was horrible and couldn't sleep.  This resulted in about 4 hours sleep total for which I got up feeling tired and grumpy.  Add to that a failed menu this week and had no idea what to cook and so my hubs suggested rice and pasta to which I sullenly replied that we had already both and don't feel like them.

How regale of me to not wanting to eat the same foods over and over isn't it?  I guess most of us do take food and the easy means by which we get it for granted.

But God showed me his second grace- I was crudely reminded that there are loads of other people who frankly would give anything to eat rice or pasta every day ....as long as they had something to eat.  That some would go find food in the bins of restaurants... as long as they can provide something for the family.

And here I was complaining that I would be eating pasta again for the 3rd time this week!  So I did a plate of ravioli and thanked God that although my cupboards are quite bare at the moment, next week once the pay cheque comes in we would have plenty for another whole month!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

1000 Graces from God - No.1

A fellow blogger who always inspires me to love God more decided to stop, look and see the various graces poured over her head instead of feeling negative over the things that at times overwhelm us.  I decided to tag along with this and will start by finding my own 1000 graces from God as from today.

In fact my first grace from God is to have a happy, undemanding child.

There are moments in my life where I still find caring for Gregory a hassle and wish my days free to do as I please.  However, today I remembered how precious a gift he is.  How undemanding and always smiling.  How he joys over little things like seeing a snail or having us doing funny faces to him or simply reading the titles of recipes in a funny voice.  What a joy this is considering how many people wish to have a child whether he is tiresome or not and can't.

Thank you God for the gift and grace given to me and which you reminded me of on this particular day!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

today

Today I reached a corner stone in life.  Because today was my last day volunteering at the Island Sanctuary.  I thought of work and volunteering and what I learnt.

Before Gregory was born I worked for 10 years at the same tourism company.  I liked the boss I had and the pay was good besides work was what I had studied for.  By the time Gregory was born, I had been thinking of quitting for a while- I had reached my limits for tourism, work had started to go somewhat downhill and now I know that deep down I wished some better relationships at work!

The people who worked with me taught me all the things I used to abore and that undermined my resolution, determination, commitment, love & confidence.  They liked to gossip on people and I found myself joining in- I admit I am very happy to have got rid of that excess baggage!  They lived for what people thought, appearances, social status and made me hunger for things I never wanted, which left me depleted, out of synch and now I know that deep down I fought myself about it.  I am not completely cleansed of this but I see a complete different me, the me I used to know and I am much more happier this way.  I see how these 10 years have effected me and how in just one year I managed to get nearly in control of the real me once again.

At the volunteering on the other hand, I met a lot of dedicated people full of love and compassion.  Who didn't ask about your background and only expected you to work as hard as they did for the good of the dogs there.  It helped me a lot to let go of all the superficial stuff I wanted.  I loved volunteering and admittedly it took a lot of commitment and love to go there week after week.  Because lets face it sometimes you just wish to stay home and do nothing or are having a bad day but whatever the reason, I would think of those people who not only go once weekly but everyday and do their best to keep the strays happy and eventually find them a loving home.

I look at both those worlds.  I think of both those worlds.

I do not regret my decisions.  I realise that to find myself I had to go through this period of life.  Now I've reached a corner stone.  A chapter I can close for good and another I will close for the time being.  In the meantime, I will teach my growing son about the good and bad and in betweens of life.  Life is not black or white it is full of colours and shades and only our perceptions decide how we look at them.

Friday, September 24, 2010

The gift within me

See this has been a different pregnancy is many ways.  Not only the physical changes occurred much quicker than before and not only I feel much more tired than before or feel this baby kick a lot more than Gregory ever did.

This baby has given me a gift.  I have realised how blessed I am with falling pregnant so easily.  I have seen more beauty in my emerging growing son than I might have seen had I not been pregnant.  I am much more excited about seeing this baby and can't wait to have it in my arms.  I wonder if they got the sex right and that has now increased my impatience to view my baby.

Sorting through the newborn clothes recently and making wardrobe space for them got me whimsical and at the same time terrified-look at Gregory sleeping sweetly, being able to give him all my attention.....I know my next child will be loved as much as Greg but I can't fathom how I will divide myself to them yet.  Although I plan and think, I won't really know what will happen and how this will effect us all before baby is born.

The last gift I feel this baby has given me is more patience- I wonder at myself when I see myself hold back from scolding, smacking or shouting at Gregory.  I find my patience has been growing and that is probably one of the biggest gifts of all for me!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Welcome to Living Simply

I hope you like the new name!  I chose it for a variety of reasons...

  • Since the birth of our son we have been living more simply then before and haven't found to miss the old days really
  • Although most days can be said to be routine, both myself and my son seem to thrive on knowing what is going to happen next and so nowadays I rejoice in our routines and find more tiresome the days where we lack a routine
  • Because of the above plus a handful of reading I did, living the simplest possible way is my goal as it seems that this has more pros than cons in our lives.  Everyday I try to think of ways to make things easier to enjoy my son and love my husband and although not always successful, life is much happier this way.
Besides Living Simply should be our aim- to live every day as our only day in our lives, loving well and laughing a lot!  The name also inspires me to write more on our daily lives and our happening as we go from transition to another.  This is especially true at the moment with the waiting of our second child but that is a whole new post I will write soon!

Blessings and joyful moments!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Leading the way to two

Ain't my man looking super sweet here pretending to talk on the phone? 

This Summer as I have said probably ad nauseum, we saw lots of sudden progress in Gregory.  Maybe the most prominent change these past few days or so has been the sudden outbursts of frustration (also known as tantrums?).  Although they happen any time of the day, we had a few nighttime problems as well and whenever this happens it actually humbles me.

Here he is understanding practically anything I tell him and with an increasing vocabulary on a weekly basis but he still hasn't got enough to tell me what are his needs at any given time.  Especially at night time when he is full of sleep he seems too confused to even tell me a basic need as drink and the ensuing crying and kicking and flailing of arms is quite an incredible experience. 

I always feel helpless in trying to understand and calm him and its an uphill battle with myself in wondering if I am doing it right or wrong the handling of each situation.  So in trying to be consistent, while being understanding, I am trying to let my instinct take over more everyday to deal compassionately with these situations.

How do/did you distinguish between a need and a want?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Blog name

Been thinking of changing my blog name- see when I started I had in mind to include mainly stuff on yoga and the environment.  However I have taken it over as a daily life/parenting blog and so believe that the name needs to be changed.

What do you think? any suggestions?

Monday, September 13, 2010

It's a.......

.......dang I ain't gonna tell you !  See although the ultrasound technician assured me that it's defenitely a........ and deep within me I also felt the same, I have this phobia of things done prematurely and gone wrong.  So unfortunately I will keep you all in suspense for another 3 months.  I will also not dwell about it and make believe that I do not know as if there was a mistaken identity I know I will take it super badly!

Do not despair however, things are going fine I was told.  I do feel it kicking, summersaulting, backflipping and God knows what else.  I also am growing steadily and here is a pic of me at 22 weeks - though frankly I think in the pic I came looking smaller than I actually am and maybe I should take a pic of my bare tummy LOL.

My complaint of the month (or rather the whole of Summer)- tiredness!  I assure you I never felt so much tired in my whole life....granted I have a toddler to keep up with but really even if he plays alone and I am sitting nearby just watching I eventually get very tired and by 8pm I am normally asleep.  Today is a good day as you can see since I am still chatting along!!  My PSD has had a couple of days of utter discomfort but I am hoping that will be back to normal by the coming weekend.  Nothing much else to report on my pregnancy really so here is a pic of the whole family instead :

Monday, September 6, 2010

Touching my days

I realise that my last posts have all been related to Gregory.  Yet you have to concede that there are times in our lives where some things grip our attention more firmly than usual and this is one of them!

His recent developments really put me in awe and being pregnant seems to enhance my view of my first born.  I am there seeing him everyday- blessed to be able and do so- and everything strikes me in a way it hasn't before.

Sometimes, I wonder how everything will change with the new arrival and how Gregory will take to it.  Most of the time I let the worrying out of the window, because what is the point in doing so if I have really no idea!  I can read till my eyes squint about the subject but truly every child responds differently and every parents' approach is different as well and so I decided that now I have done my homework, to let instinct do the rest :)

And now that the temp. has gone slightly down and I can breathe again, I will simply enjoy my last few months with him alone.  It's a bittersweet moment knowing that soon he will not be the centre of my universe any more.  However, life is a celebration of inconsistencies and as such I will let it into my door and breathe in the new era. I will stumble and fall but will finally find my footing and some balance will return and that is what we are always looking for !

I hope you all have a good week.  Love and Peace to you all!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Children Art

My boy loves graffiti as you can see!  This trolley is meant to have blocks in but.....
His blocks are full of graffiti art as well!



Gregory's passion with colours started quite recently, at first he wouldn't glance much at them and suddenly he became totally engrossed.  He can spend the WHOLE day drawing away!  We have finally managed to convince him that drawing should be done on his colouring book (he started his 3rd one already!) although I have to remind him every now and then that blocks, other books & furnture are NOT for drawing!!  He has also progressed from doing random lines to do whole blocks of colour at a go and he holds his crayons with either hands so really he will probably learn to write with both hands.  I enjoy his love for art and can't wait to reintroduce him to poster colour (that should be another post but the couple of times I let him have a free hand with those...well everything got painted on from his body, to curtains, floors etc ).
Here he is totally engrossed drawing his butterflies.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

words don't come easy ...or not?

Sometimes a few weeks or months pass and suddenly you see such a drastic change in your child. Although Gregory has been saying single words for quite sometime, these past few days we have seen a big expansion of his vocab as well as adding 2 word phrases here and there. To add to the list I have already done earlier on which you can view here, these are the new words he's been saying!

We have upgraded from da to daddy and bah to bahar(sea) and babu to buxu(snail) and mama to mummy.
nannu
cow
mouse
clack clack (chicken)
tactor (tractor)
fan
dawl (lights)
ilma (water)
nam nam (food )
carrot
pata (potato)
play
barney(does it count as a word?)
two
three
ten
E
B
cream
boat
blocks
cown (clown)
cracker
juice
toast
jaqq as in disgusting
no

and more whcih right now I can't possibly remember!His 2 word phrases are mainly jaqq coco/pipi, bah plane/dog etc, bye bahar/daddy etc

And with this expansion we have also seen a lot more interaction with us. He is telling us much more often whenever he is hungry or thirsty. Telling us when he does his toilet (after though not before :( and only when he is without the diaper). He is explainging to us more what are his needs like wants to leave a place points towards a door and says car and if I say am not understanding he grabs my hand so I follow and tells me precisely what he wants near the thing and such! He is also becoming very much the 2 year old he will soon be and doesn't take no easily as an answer(I predict we'll be in for a ball soon!).

I can't wait till January when I predict his phrases and words to become constant chatter in my ears :)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

the snake of anger


Its bubbling at the surface and shows its ugly face in a viscous way.
Its force is more than I can control.
Feel tired oh so tired!

Friday, August 20, 2010

20 weeks already

Somehow, I am suddenly 20 weeks pregnant and it feels good to start the countdown. As much as I am calmer within this time round and haven't got much growth issues, I simply can't wait to have my body back and buy some nice clothes.

I have also been feeling the baby move....it has been for a long while really but they were so faint that sometimes I think I probably dreamed them. However today, well today I really felt it move!!

I also had my first hospital appointment or maybe I should rephrase that to date (7.30 t0 12.00!) - normally the hospital appt. I stay an hour to two max but this time oh boy and we had Gregory with us as we planned an outing after the hospital (which of course got cancelled!). My sweet boy was quite quiet in general and although he did ask for car (that is we leave) several times lol he was ok till the last few minutes while I was taking some blood samples and he got super tired and wanted mummy. This baby likes to move a lot more than Greg since he wouldn't even let the dr hear the heartbeat with all the movement. No special news really apart the fact that although I should (well according to the drs) be 20 weeks, the baby is the size of 18 weeks. My weight gain is exactly like my previous pregnany but my stomach is showing this time round quite well whereas last time I was 30 weeks gone the size I am showing.

My SPD is quite ok since I am doing regular yoga at home and my dear hubs cleans the house for me. I will update you again in a month when I have my next ultrasound (unless anything exciting happens before!) and I promise I will post a pic of me to!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

pray around the clock

Recently I visited a fellow blogger and she had this very inspiring post! She basically has got a granfather clock in their house which chimes every 15 minutes and she decided to give a small prayer to God whenever it chimes. She says she finds it quite frustrating that quite a lot of time when this clock chimes she is either angry with the kids, husband etc and yet it gives her a motivation to try more at being a better person.

Since I have re established my faith, I often wondered how I can remind myself of God throughout the day and give thanks to whatever he sends me. This post had the perfect solution. Although I don't own a grandfather clock, I do own a mobile with an alarm and today, I have set it up to ring every 15 minutes. I have also found the perfect prayer for me Thank you God, forgive me God!

It will be interesting to see how many times it will ring finding me in a mad, bad or annoyed mood. Any other ways you find that helps remind you of God?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Another first

It's 6 am here, been awake an hour as Gregory woke up early despite the fact he slept at 9 pm. So while he 's watching Barney thought of updating you with our new first....

The pics ain't the best but am sure you can see the face full of bumps! Going down some Church stairs his shoe caught at the last step and that was the result. I hope it all fades quickly I really don't like seeing his face like he's been into a fight :(

Hope your weekend started on a better foot!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

the picky eater

When we started weaning our little puppy, we were quite overjoyed. He'd try and practically eat anything you put in front of him- and the best part was that I didn't puree but gave him food like ours straight away.

Come the end of that Summer and our boy went a couple of steps back. Started refusing a lot of food and mostly he'd suddenly want it pureed. It bugged me! Although I knew he was healthy and fine - the energy he had was proof enough- like any other parent, seeing your child not eating or eating little and being very picky is disturbing!

Fast forward to now. Gregory is eating again and eating galore. I have no idea when this happened but suddenly I realised that this guy is eating and trying again everything(except fruit- looks like he'sa t war with them). Sometimes what I present him doesn't tickle his taste buds and so have to resort to one of his all time favourites but most of the time he takes what's in the plate. The most funny thing is that he'd want the food to look like ours - that is if my meat isn't cut up he doesn't want his cut up and he won't eat it if you do it anyway!

I wonder how this change slipped me and I didn't see it coming. Still, it is exhilarating seeing him eat with gusto and appreciation.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

A day in our lives - Summer 2010

5.30 - Greg woke up so obviously I woke up to even though I wished another half hour in bed! He went to play in his room while I started getting stuff together (we were going to the beach with grandma & cousins).
6.00 - down for breakfast; yoghurt for Greg toast for me. I gave him that while watching postman pat on DVD. Than I continued with the preparations while calling Dave down to his breakfast. Soon after got an sms from my mum saying little Rebecca had fever so no beach :( BUT since we were all ready & geared up I decided we should still go just me and my boy. So went to put a load going in the washing machine and at 7.30 left the house.
7.45- Got to Ghar Lapsi practically still deviod of any humans apart for a group of pensioners and fishermen. We went into the sea and Greg stayed watching out for crabs and snails and throwing stones and playing ring a ring a roses and playing ball. After an hour in the water we went for a snack and made our way to the other side of the beach were the fishermen come in. So we watched them bringing in the catch of the day and saw lots of fish swimming and many crabs. We again made our way back to where we left our stuff had a bit more snacks and headed one last time into the water.
9.45 - Made our way home and Greg slept on the way. On arriving I did my yoga routine, Bible reading, hanging of clothes, lunch and checked the emails. Just as I went upstairs to take a shower Greg got up hungry so gave him lunch, took a shower both of us, dressed and went off to see grandma Carmen.
12.45 - While I conversed with mum, Greg played with the toys she got at her home alone. Than we transfered to the small yard and he continued playing there. Round about 2 I took a sandwich and Greg decided he wanted one himself too! We then went to the garage to sort out some stuff there and later carried on to my own grandma's home in the country.
Greg loves it there he played ball, ran after cats, watched bumble bees & butterflies and had long conversations with the plants LOL. Than he got hungry so gave him dinner there and after we went out again to play. We adults talked about this and that and when the need arose entertained Greg (but it wasn't often he had lots to keep him occupied there!)
18.00 - Back at my mother's place we found my dad had done dinner and it was nearly cooked. While it finished we peeled a bucketful of prickly pears which dad picked up and he played with Greg- chasing cats, dogs, looking at chicken and what not! We than sat to dinner and Greg decided he wanted some more food. After dinner we left and made our way home to Dave whom we left to enjoy a few hours of peace.
20.00 - Finally Greg felt ready to nurse himself to sleep so we all settled comfortably in bed and soon after we were all happily dreaming!

A wonderful day to remember :)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

mining through parenting

Yesterday I forgot the world.

I left my son in his father's hands, the house in my husband's hands and I just sat down and read and read and read.

Whenever, my pup spotted me he came running into my arms wanting some mummy attention and truth be said I did feel guilty when that happened. However, I needed this time and I couldn't function for the day.

The book - My Sisters' Keeper by Jodi Picoult - is wonderful and I am not talking just the storyline. In between the lines you can see the pain, frustration, insecurities of us parents. Parenting at the end of the day is worse than a minefield. From the moment you get to know you are expecting, every decision you make is bound to be made with the childs' well being in mind. The problem is that this isn't as easy as it seems because parenting has so many faces.
Should I breastfeed or not, should I use gentle discipline or not, should I use something in between? All the pros and cons can be evaluated, you can read a million books but ultimately parenting is a journey you have to take alone. Every one of us has to find their own path but this path is most of the time like groping in darkness. Trying to find, understand, make sure that our children are brought up healthy and balanced when we ourselves are not.

This book summed it up perfectly and I thought-we all do the best we can or what we believe is best and maybe a lot of people might think we are not doing it well but we all have our ways and that's ok. All we have to do is remember when things get thick is that we are doing our best and need to step back and breathe because this is not a competition on how to bring up a child or a test its about loving them and hearing them and listening to them.

May you have a great weekend

Thursday, July 22, 2010

1.5 years

My puppy is growing so fast. Suddenly I am seeing so many changes within him it makes me smile.

  • Right now he's mummy's boy - won't let me easily out of his sight
  • Loves watching Disney's Cars
  • He is trying a lot of food even if he rejects half of them
  • His vocabulary is expanding everyday
  • Loves helping out with the sweeping, washing up, putting shoes in their cupboard & more
  • Enjoys himself immensely using poster colours (colour of which ends on every part of his & my body & floor not just paper) & crayons
  • And boy does he know to show when he is not happy with something?

Although sometimes you see what looks like defiance in him, I celebrate his new found independence and pushing of limits. I got more the hang of discipline to and some worked a treat instantly, others I am still waiting for it all to click in his mind- the cause and effect issue!

Also since doing my best to keep more to a routine I see more positiveness in him that keeps coming out waiting for me to help guide.

My Gregory at 1 and a half years!

Friday, July 16, 2010

burden or blessing?

In this pregnancy I was given a burden - sitting bones pain also known as SPD. Basically my pelvis which should start to be more flexible to facilitate the birth of the baby, actually starts moving that inch or less more than necessary causing pain.

I have been angry about this fact, sad, making my own life miserable and complaining non stop to anyone who would hear about poor me problems. What however, I had missed understanding was that this trait was given to me by God himself. This trait should be seen as a blessing!

It is there to show me once more that we need cooperation and help between us. Compassion and love. It is also there so that I can find my own inner strength once more - this was lost somewhere along my married life and probably even before that actually!

So today I am thankful to have understood what is required of me before it was too late. I will love my body and treat it with more compassion. I will seek help and compromise with my husband and also with other family members that are ready to do a lot to help us along and I will meditate so I find once more my inner strength- something which I will be needing very soon.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

book parties

Today we attended a book party where me & Greg plus six other children had a short dance followed by a story, re-enactment of the story by flash cards than we had a bag full of toys that start with the letter C and in the end a craft project. It was wonderfully organised and enjoyed it myself.

However, my little boy isn't prepared for such structured projects or at least not in a group. Besides it coincides with his nap time which although most of the time I do prolong it till later without problems he was not happy today to do so. It might also be the teething that was bothering him more than usual and include to that the Summer heat. Whatever happened to Greg today, he didn't enjoy the class as he should have. I decided to try it again next week but if similar results happen I won't go anymore and instead try to do something similar at home as it is a great way to get children to learn while having fun.

I admit I was more disappointed myself with what happened and for an insane moment felt like I was a bad mother coz my son was having a fit nearing to a tantrum (which I avoided) in front of others. I don't know why or maybe yes...my self esteem is on the low right now and of course Greg can feel my uncertainty and lack of confidence which is reflected in him and so the ball starts to unravel quite quickly. Still I am quite thankful of this experience as it gave me some great ideas to do myself at home and to share with others.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Summer is my downfall

I love going to the beach but other than that Summer can simply not exist.

My energy level always drain when the heat starts soaring and so I look at my house, my family, myself and feel like things got abandoned way beyond recognition or acceptable levels. Now that I got down to really explore what my body can do in yoga and hopefully test this new routine later today, I believe that things will start moving again.

I decided to make to do lists for all areas of my life and start slowly slowly to elimate them one by one. Its going to take a lot of time but that is something I have and can control and looking forward to all the changes this might involve.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

at 12-13weeks pregnant

Today I had my ultrasound which determined exactly how old is the baby....for those who are not aware, I still breastfeed and my cycle had just started when I got pregnant again and so we weren't sure when the baby was due. That was solved as it seems baby should be born round about the new year , which is quite incredible.

This morning I was looking forward and yet terrified of the ultrasound for quite a stupid reason. In the first few weeks my tummy started showing that slight little bump quickly and than seemed to stop grow and I wondered if something was wrong. Thankfully everything looks normal and guess what- when I compared my weight gain with Greg's at 11 weeks I was 62 kg and at 12 weeks I am now 61 kg so my worry of gaining quickly was completely unfounded.

Although most professionals will probably laugh at me, I am sure I can feel the baby move sometimes and believe me during the ultrasound this baby simply didn't stop moving! he was summersaulting and kicking so much. I on the other hand am feeling quite healthy and happy and i am actually not dreading and worrying anymore about my growing tummy but actually enjoying it more for which i am soooo pleased. I am also working hard to getting a new yoga routine in place for me at home but isn't so easy to do. My only downfall is how quickly I am tiring - me needing a nap in the afternoon was never heard of and yet when Greg premits it is what I am doing!

I hope you are all enjoying the Summer- more news soon!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

I dreamed....

Today, I started thinking of all the changes I wished to do to our house so that eventually it will look more like a home than just a house where we live in.

But later on, I started dreaming of the perfect house inthe perfect location and well perfect in everything. I know the house.....it is there so far abandoned- probably built illegally but left there standing house for small animals and birds.

It has a big garden (well right now it has a medium garden and a pool - but I wouldn't keep the pool), the house is all ground floor and has enough space for a studio for hubby and a yoga studio for me.

So i dream that one day soon that place would still be available and we can afford to buy it .......

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Summer fun

Now that my early pregnancy symptoms are gone and I am feeling myself more or less back to normal, we have started to enjoy our hot Summer. Days are filled with trips to the grandparents, pools, beach,'forest' and playing grounds; as well as cooking sessions, reading, gardening and cleaning ( Greg simply loves helping out when cleaning the house- so far!).

Here are some pics of our recent trip to Buskett-
making his best to lift this huge stone
kicking the ball while playing football

drinking alone from his bottle




here we are smiling - I know am terrible at taking these pics!


playing with the ants




Buskett how it looked




helping rebuilding the boundary wall







Thursday, June 24, 2010

my little man

His smile is being so big lately that it makes me smile even more....his understanding and the way he makes you understand his needs are growing so much its a joy to watch. His vocabulary continues to expand slowly slowly which is also wonderful.

However, the most impressive for me right now is seeing him play rough with his 5 year old cousin as if nothing is different between them. Keeping up, being as rough as him and enjoying himself silly! Today was one of those days and I felt so relaxed seeing them together....if only we lived nearer they could meet up more often!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

The black days are over

The black days as my husband refers to, seem to have passed and pregnancy is following much more normally. My bump is incredibly enough for me already showing a little and most of my clothes can't seem to fit that much. In my last pregnancy, I started having a bump round about mid August so I don't have clothes for now. In fact I need to go get me some maternity clothes and this is quite a big problem since in Malta you get like half a dozen clothes on the racks for maternity and I don't quite like the idea of buying clothes online!

I am still 2 and a half weeks off from my ultrasound to determine exactly how many weeks I am. The most I should be when I got for my ultrasound is 14 weeks but my gyni thinks I am less. I on the other hand believe I would be that much if not slightly more. I am so anxious for this day to arrive that I can't seem to focus on the present moment at times.

My main concern at the moment is the pain in my sitting bones which have me not being able to bend, climb stairs, wash the house, do lots of exersize and so on. From what I gleamed on the net its a pubic disorder where the sitting bones which start moving for when the baby needs to be born move a little bit too much. I will need to confirm more on this at my next appt. however the symptoms are all there and when I am more careful on these issues there is less pain. However for the past 2 days its has been a bit bad more than usual. Unfortunately, the only thing I can suspect is yoga which should be helping me. So I will have to be careful or avoid hip openers (though these are the most suggested for pregnancy!). I emailed a couple of weeks ago one of the yoga pregnancy gurus but unfortunately she doesn't seem to be helpful online since the only response was to attend class and when I explained I don't live in the UK had no further contact with me. It is quite a shame and I will try find some one else who might be able to help and suggest me the best yoga to do for now and considering my problem.

Wish you all a good weekend

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

It's official....

....baby no 2 is on his way and after the initial elation of knowing I will soon have a second child to nurture and love, pregnancy depression made itself visible once more!

I feel bad really that I do not enjoy the pregnancy process like so many other women or like so many women wish to go through. But pregnancy looses my balance somewhat......

Anger and frustration are quite manifest as control over my body disappears into nothing. Self confidence is dropping near zero as my body is starting to slowly round up (even if not quite visible yet). The many other little health issues like heartburn, occassional nausea and lots of headaches are taking a toll on me.Thankfully so far the million of spots that erupted on my face in the last pregnancy haven't manifested and hopefully it will remain so.

And no matter how I try to rationalise it, breathe, relax, feel thankful for my receptive body......I am in a meltdown. So, although I will keep you updated and hopefully with more cheerful days, you will surely not find any belly photos and won't hear of the proud bump.....maybe I can somehow sleep till its time to give birth- sigh-

Can you suggest anything so that I release my anger and frustration and boost my self confidence once more?

Monday, June 7, 2010

sicky sick

My baby is sick and can't seem to get better! It started 2 weeks ago on Wednesday with a blocked nose. By the weekend we progressed to a cough. Now the cough is nearly gone and instead of blocked his nose is leaking a lot but last night and this morning he had fever.....so it looks like a trip to the doc will be unavoidable in the end!

On a positive note, apart for this morning, he's been quite his usual sunny self and the only telltale of his not being well is the food choosiness..

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

My growing toddler

Greg has been blabbing for quite a long while now. For a long time he also had long conversations, serious ones mind on his own while pointing at this and that and nodding away his head!

Nowadays his single conversations take a funny outlook since he would be saying something and starts laughing his head off...I still wonder what he is saying. Sometimes I stay imitating him and he laughs even harder :)

Yet to our satisfaction he also started adding a lot of words to his vocabulary. Here are a few:

mama
da (daddy)
plane
pipi
cat
car
dog
truck
coco
bye (and if he wants you to simply go accompanied by vigorous waving)
nanna
dik/dak (this/that for whatever he wants)
doqq (ring)
Bah (gone)
Bah (for sea)
bird
book
baby
babu (snail)
Bambin (Jesus)
zizi (breast pls I need a fill up)

Apart for his vocabulary, he is now understanding loads and making himself understood. For example he points first to the candle and when you give it to him he comes to you gives it to you and points to the drawer while saying dik to the particular drawer where there are matches = light up that candle missus!
OR at 4 am wakes up as if its nothing points down the stairs and once you go there to the TV - come on man its time to sleep not watch TV!

He also is getting choosy on food and sometimes there is something to eat which once he tastes he simply throws out from his mouth disgusted (to think just a few months ago he used to gulp it down!).

Other toddler stuff - getting pig headed LOL I suppose its part of us humans but he does tend to get quickly angry over trifle things. At times I seem to be winning and other times it seems I can't get head or tails of him. He also loves helping out in his way or rather feeling he is doing something like me and so if I am watering the plants he waters them as well after me with the watering can. If I am washing up dishes I get him a chair and a scrubber and he stays there scrubbing at the sink. He also enjoys standing on the chair while watching me preparing dinner. He also at times tries to imitate me washing teeth and so I give him the toothbrush everyday to get him round to do it eventually daily!

He is a great walker since he mastered the art of walking- he now already runs! I still can't believe it when I see him running and he walks for ages without tiring up! Last time he walked what for us is normally a 20 mins walk with only 5 mins on me. I can only wear him for short periods now like for going quickly to the local grocer. He enjoys the swings- just the swings no slides etc and simply loves having us reading books to him.

Its a joy seeing so many changes in him and yet a headache trying to figure out ways how to teach him that hitting coz u r enjoying yourself is not ok but I know that we will get there a little pace at a time.

So thinking of these things today made me appreciate my son more....we tend so easily to forget or look at our children to enjoy them and understand them!

Monday, May 31, 2010

communcation

I was just meditating, centring my failing energy levels and grounding myself back to earth when at one point my mind wandered on communication.

At one point, I got a bit obsessed about this and was going to drive hubs crazy :) Yesterday, while having a short walk I asked him to tell me what he expected from his role as father, husband and friend......his answer was that first there are too many things to discuss such (like an interview out of the blue LOL) and than most strikingly for me he said that our roles are interchangeable according to the everyday needs and that it is quite useless discussing such an issue. I realised that somehow, unconsciously we were both aware of our roles and about the interchangeability of them and true enough there wasn't much to discuss therefore. Yet it got me to thinking a bit....

See I wrote this blog to interact with people, because I feel a lack of friendship were I can express myself and have honest opinions given back to me. However, I see that this hasn't quite changed my position. Although I have followers on my blog, I don't get a lot of comments. Mostly I get the feeling that who comments for me are doing so as respect for the comments I had previously left them myself. Maybe I got it wrong and maybe not....I cannot quite say. However, I have to say that I met through other blogs people who's way of life or the way they view things helped me become a better person.

So, in a way although my original goal wasn't reached I still found a lot of help indirectly and also directly and I am very happy of this. Yet going back to communication, it does feel a lot of times like I am doing a one man conversation - all alone discussing with myself, sifting through the rubble and dust to see something of which I am not sure!

I see how many changes happened in this past year or to be more exact in these last 4 months or so. I still feel like I am swimming uncontrollably but I feel more in tune with my destination. The pity is that it can be so difficult to communicate what you are feeling to others....maybe coz I feel that most people are more engrossed in their own lives and only ask questions as a must of social ethiquette. Than I am said to be strange coz I am not a social person....I now realise that I am social but really what is the point of being social when we play around small talk, hardly get any better at getting to know our family & friends and any effort done by yourself gets squashed down quite quickly?

So I wait....wait till communication becomes truly important in the people around me. Till we see that there is no point in being afraid of communication and hopefully it will not be too late when that happens and our friendships will flourish! Because at the end of the day I can say all that is in my heart on this blog but what will be the point of it if I don't get to really discuss all that is there with anyone?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Tv Toddlers

Up till a week or so ago, Greg watched no more than 30 mins TV on a daily basis and normally only 3 times weekly. Now, he wants to watch TV first thing in the morning, later in the moring and even in the afternoon. I admit I am not quite happy with all this TV watching but decided there are other battles which will be more worth fighting than this.

Thing is, we do spend a lot of time outdoors or playing with toys upstairs so I guess watching an hour or two TV daily isn't worth battling over after all everyone goes over a phase of TV watching and it might be better if we get it over now as a toddler :)

What do you think about TV watching?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The circle of life

My eyes are burning, been feeling tired and not quite myself all day .....the weather doesn't help much - grey, coldish wind, but no rain which is what we truly need!

My patience with Greg dwindles to nil at times and other times I manage to keep my centred calm self. Life right now is a roller coaster, I think we have touched a turning point- a point were the long ,nice, calm days are simply put over and we must challenge ourselves again till we find said balance once more.

This is our life, when we feel to be on the right track, something happens to side track us and gives us a new challenge to conquer.

Right now it all seems quite complicated and yet simplified....maybe I am trying too hard and so not getting anywhere or maybe I believe I am trying and in reality am not.....nothing really some quiet meditation won't help to resolve but it will take longer till my centre gets established again for a few weeks.

Monday, May 17, 2010

God's will my submission

Last week I received an email saying that a yoga teacher training course will be held here on our islands. I felt exstatic, a dream come true.....

However, although financially its ok for me to do it so far, other things have come into play which means that till now I will not after all do this course.

I felt quite heartbroken, angry and sad....to say the truth it was like all life force had gone out of me and I could barely function for a few hours. Than I realised that if it is in God's plan for me to do it, things will change round just in time for me to apply. I started praying see and singing to God asking him to take away my pain, to release me and that His will, will be my complete submission and acceptance.

I am now happy, untroubled and back to my normal self. Like in this instance, I feel in awe of myself for managing to solve my own issue in this way...I never used to do so before! I am so glad to have taken God back into my life and letting Him work His wonders on me!

May you all get blessed and enjoy this new week!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Natural Parenting

I used to wonder what I'd do with myself if I ever stopped working and frankly I could never imagine doing so!

Now I can't imagine how I ever worked in that stale environment for 10 years with people I didn't trust and like, with no appreciation, a job that became a bore, a chore, something that I had to not wanted to!

Life at home is sometimes viewed below par because you ain't paid for it. However, I am sure that most of us women would rather be a housewife and full time mum than go to work if at all possible. So far I never encountered any sort of criticism about my choice but than in Malta a lot of us still stop working to care for the children whenever finances allow. So maybe that is why!

Still I do encounter a lot of raised eyebrows or comments or both because I use natural parenting. This concept is quite inexistent in Malta (or at least I am not aware of anyone who encourages it or of others who do it). When Greg was born and I insisted on babywearing I got a lot of negative feedback which left me drained most of the times when out in public. I still get strange looks when I babywear him now at 15 months. Because of my prolonged breastfeeding (I still nurse him on demand) I too get a lot of raised brows and say that I shouldn't or that its not necessary etc etc. Now that my philosophy is to be a gentle disciplinarian or as also known natural parent I get even more strange looks. However, in my 2 week stunt I have seen a big difference. From near to 20 hours of frustration, crying and tantrums for every little thing that happens at home we have gone to near to nil. His appetite is also improving and though this might not be in conjunction to this, I think it is. I am being much more relaxed and so is he. Now all that is left is for me and daddy to remember and be aware more of our actions so that we stop completely any shouting which still happens occassionally and that is my biggest aim!

Natural Parenting is by no means easy. It is actually more difficult than the standard parenting method because you cannot simply sit down and yell at the top of your voice your wishes. You have to be on your toes and think before taking action of anything. To go down to your child's level and to give him the necessary attention. At the end of the day it is at making your childs' progress in this world as easy and wholesome as possible.

To view more on this method of parenting visit Attachment Parenting International, La Leche League & The Parenting Passageway

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Good Manners & children

Normally, we expect our children to say please and thank you etc but don't practice them ourselves. We badger them with good manners but are not fans of it ourselves.



However children laern through imitation, so how can we expect a please and thank you if we don't say them ourselves? I resolved that rather than requesting my son to say them upon my own prompt, to say them myself whenever appropiate and so he will start imitating me himself of his own steam as it should be.



What about you, what are you teaching your child through imitation? is it good or bad?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Living in awareness

Living in awareness isn't really easy. You have to look at every thing you are doing be it eating, walking, sitting..... why you might ask should I do these things? I have to say I started for my son! Although I already see much more benefits. Because I want to practice gentle discipline, I need to be aware of everything. Think before react! Whenever I loose my awareness I tend to get angry over trivial things or lets say that I'd be angry for something I knew could have been avoided but still he gets the blame! But being in living awareness, you feel the freshness of the wind on your cheeks and smell the smell of Spring. You eat without stuffing yourself and know when you are thirsty, tired or simply relaxed. You are happy because you get to know more yourself, see as if for the first time life around you, enjoy the simple pleasure of seeing an ant!



So see living in constant awareness is giving me so much. However, I have to be diligent, realise and forgive myself whenever I stray and just take it day by day.



May you try living in awareness and brings you as much blessings as it doing to me.

Letter to new mums

Welcome to motherhood!
Its a rollercoaster journey, full of laughter, pain, worry, happiness.....In this year and three months since I became a mother myself, I've gone through so many changes myself as a woman, mother, wife & friend. I can't quite understand anymore how I used to live my life- it seems so dull, lifeless as it was..(though I do miss my lazy Sunday mornings!). And so much more changes from seeing my newborn to a strappy toddler whose joy in discovering life is ever so wonderous.

But now, you are just starting and my advise to you is to relax, enjoy your baby and forget the tornado that will be forming on your house. Don't let pride in the way and ask help if needed. Bond with your little one and keep calm in his presence - remember he can feel what you feel! and get back your energies. Once you settle down, and find your rythm everything will look easier. Last of all enjoy motherhood because getting angry or upset will loose you so much charm of seeing your child growing up.

May your very first mother's day be blessed with all your hearts' desire.

This is Mamakats' writers workshop prompt of the week. For more follow the link.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Random on Saturday

  • I haven't been much around, but all is good! Been doing a lot of research on parenting as well as for mamascircle which I will be changing ever so completely!!


  • Gregory has been changing so much lately....he is suddenly making his wishes more understood with gestures and trying to repeat words at times (though still a while before he talks talks).


  • The sun is already too hot in Malta - I am so ready to go to the beach. Been most of April putting summer clothes already!


          • Been reading this book Going Home by Thich Nhat Hanh - its a spiritual book very well written on how the differences in religion are really just different ways of saying things. It explains them wonderfully and would truly recommend it as a good read!


          • the roof garden is blooming nicely and I am very pleased with my achievements and I also discovered how much I like pottering in my little garden.


          • I am working towards 2 goals-of being a mindful/aware mother and of creating a website full of natural parenting tips and eventually maybe be an LLLI and API local representative....it would be awesome!

          and you what have you been up to?

          Friday, December 31, 2010

          The end of a year full of positiviness for the new one

          Looking back on this year, it has had a lot of ups and downs.

          Thankfully mainly they were happy stories but also a lot of worries and stress.

          2010 showed me a lot and I accepted a bit and left quite a lot of it unattended.

          Tomorrow starts a new year, all I will be doing is expanding my new found knowledge to give love, forgiveness, compassion & kindness to the ones surrounding me.

          It is a big challenge mind because I tend to loose patience quite quickly and anger issues persist and even if I see myself doing wrong I never have the strength of stopping doing it.  So this is the year were I plan to overcome anger once and for all.

          I look forward to the new year with positive intentions, knowing some of the difficult moments we'll go through as a family, imagining others and simply knowing that others will surely come our way that we are not aware of.

          However, living a more simple life means that expecting less you will gain more and that is a wonderful thing to know!

          Monday, December 27, 2010

          pre partum depression

          Got a headache.
          Am lethargic.
          Big & slow.

          3 weeks left.
          Seems like a year.
          Moaning when should be thankful.

          Everything suspended.
          Waiting...
          tick, tock, tick, tock.

          Waiting for the morning to pass.
          Waiting for the afternoon to pass.
          Sleeping till morning comes.
          Redo the above process again.

          This is a bad kinda "poem" and not exactly a happy one either.  It however reflects the disjointed feelings I have these days, even when thankful and enjoying the moment.  I look forward to the birth of this one- not really to meet the baby, but more to finally be able to live again.  Yes maybe I will be more tired caring for 2 and maybe my patience will be even more taut than usual and yet, I know as a certainty that life with the baby outside the womb will be much better, more fruitful, less tiring really (this chronic fatigue that no matter how much you sleep, relax and do nothing and so on can remove).



          Friday, December 24, 2010

          The grace which is Christmas 39 to 48

          It's Christmas Eve! 

          I find it fitting to honour this very special day with some more of God's good graces.  Truth be said I realised this week how bountiful they have been in the past few weeks.

          39.  private work for my hubs even if it is meaning so much less time together it is helping us much financially and he is gaining more reputation in his field.  Proud of you darling!
          40. my parents' business finally starting again with the help of friends which I am trusting will give them that bit extra security finally to relieve their financial problems.
          41. Internet access which can keep me in touch with my family & friends abroad
          42. lots of baked goodies, made with love and care to all my family & friends to share
          43. The Maltese government hospital. maybe we wait long and has waiting lists, but eveyone is efficient and helpful
          44. children - they remind us of our memories
          45. winter without much cold.  most days we have the sun and temp. rarely  go down less 15 degrees celcius
          46. stubbornness so I never give up on my goal
          47.  seeing the path still long to complete this task but knowing that slow is better.
          48.  the best grace of all is knowing Jesus will once more be born within us to forgive our sins tonight

          I trust your Christmas is as blessed as mine and more.

          Thursday, December 16, 2010

          What a bummer I've been! - grace 38

          Today I had a slap in the face!

          I was reading a blog and about the difficulties they were going through due to his infidelity and her battle to restore their marriage.  While there I saw something that showed me a mistake I have done and realised that I had been silly in my expectations at the time and it was time to go back to square one.

          So, although I am being ambiguous about this whole thing, I will re start afresh and set up my heart on firmer ground.

          This is a new grace from God showing me the way when I loose it and am stumbling along.  I am glad to have been given this new opportunity and will thrive to make love work more than usual.

          Monday, December 13, 2010

          What's been happening with my kids!

          I haven't updated much on Greg or my pregnancy so with these few precious quiet moments decided to finally do so.

          My big baby is growing suddenly way too quickly!  Since the weekend, he started counting (and I don't mean just saying the numbers but actually count) up till 10.  It surprised me I have to say as he never seemed interested in them at all.  He can also recite the ABC's though he doesn't really match them with the actual letters and he likes help with them.  Also since this weekend, he is identifying the following colours: blue, red, brown, yellow, black & orange.  The amount of words he uses in his phrases is astounding and I must admit I lost complete count of them now.  We are at a stage were anything he eats is plain.  Plain pasta or rice mainly.  On the other hand he has tried and started eating sandwiches with cheese, eggs (in whatever form) & cookies (as long as they are plain white ones).  Enjoys plain milk or with ovaltine and is categorically refusing soups & meat and we still haven't gone back to eating fruits unless its the organix pureed variety!  He simply enjoys being read to or told stories or sung to (especially carols right now!) and plays a lot with trucks & cars but nothing much else.  Another extra we have improved on is the cooking.  Most of the time he enjoys helping me stir and throwing veggies in the pots or doing dough or cutting up veg.  He still loves helping with the cleaning (but this is very mood oriented!) and last but not least he simply adores being outside and preferably in the country or where there is soil, flowers & plants to play with!  What I am not enjoying much is having him see too much TV but I am just too heavy and most of the time got no energy to do things with him.  Besides I can't sit down comfortably or find any good position to stay in and in the end let him watch the blessed DVDs.

          Character wise, he is a joy to be with (like with any child really).  However, although exploring his boundaries, I am significantly actively showing him what is acceptable and not- which is tiring in itself haha- and most of the time he accepts that authority and doesn't tantrum much.  His sleeping improved and now sleeps till 5 am most nights.  But a slight change in the nighttime routine disturbs him alot so we keep mostly to our routine.  Next month he will be 2 and although we will also have the new baby, am looking forward to see other improvements.

          As for the baby I have now 5 weeks left to wait.  Compared to Greg its already way too big.  And yes I do feel that its bigger and heavier and can't wait to deliver it- I truly believe that having baby outside my body will improve a lot of things in my life right now- baby LOVES moving and does that most of the time.  Its already head down and although aware it can still turn around, I have my doubts it will.  These past two days started feeling it very low down making it more difficult to get up or sit down.  The pain has slightly increased though its still manageable.  Otherwise all is normal in our little world.  I felt for a while that baby will come early into the world and the nearer we get to the festive weeks the stronger the feeling....I wonder if it will truly happen.

          Well that's all folks! Wish you all a great week.

          Wednesday, December 8, 2010

          1000 graces from God 28 - 37

          28. The smell of baked goodies
          29.  Mild weather even though I wish some real cold
          30.  Workmen doing quick, efficient work
          31.  Smiles every morning
          32.  Waking at 5 am instead of 3.30 am
          33.  Reading blogs that inspire me in my parenting
          34.  Finding patience in waiting
          35.  Pain & Giddyness that slow me down
          36.  A crib in disorder, where my son enjoys playing :)
          37.  TV- even though I've been trying to minimise TV watching at the moment its been a God send whenever I lack the enregy.

          What are your graces this week?

          Friday, December 3, 2010

          Christmasy

          It's the 3rd of December, I have 7 weeks left (according to the doctors) to give birth.
           My only complaint which has been ongoing throughout these 8 months now is tiredness and my pelvis hurting and it's still my only real complaint!  However, that ain't keeping me back from celebrating Christmas- the birth of Jesus our Lord!

          It is my favourite season - even if here the cold is minimal and coats haven't been brought out yet- the decorations, the baking, the presents and the feast in itself.  In fact my idea is to bring up my son looking at it as a celebration of the Jesus' birth as it should be and not of Santa and presents.  That will just be an extra bonus :)

          We have lots of activities planned- visiting cribs, watching caroling and puppet shows, seeing the lights lighting up our capital city at night.  It is all simply wonderful and been dreamy about it for over a month already.  Now that December actually started, I have already my decos, presents etc in place, as well as half the baking done....but the tiredness is a killer, after just mixing the mince filling and putting it in jars I feel awful!  However, with the baby kicking unendingly and wondering if it will ever tire of doing so, I let myself dream of this spectacular Christmas even if I know that normally the higher the expectations the lower the results.

          I hope you are all gearing up in your Christmas Spirit and may the real spirit be present to guide you along the way.

          Blessings

          Sunday, November 21, 2010

          Autumn

          Random pictures of Greg taken this Autumn........
          Enjoying seeing a live donkey

          he does like photos can you tell?

          playing at Buskett

          my favourite pic of Autumn so far

          seeing ducks at San Anton Gardens

          hmmmmm not sure he liked the idea

          peekaboo

          time for lunch feeling peckish

          Tuesday, November 16, 2010

          1000 graces from God 18 - 27

          18. The ability to do anything we wish
          19. Family who are there for you to help at any moment
          20. My son's laugh when I do funny faces
          21. Food, that is always in our kitchen ready to be consumed
          22. Baking goodies
          23. Money, something we seem that we can't do without but always somehow comes at the right moment
          24. Books, available to us at our own fingertips
          25. Love
          26. Friendship, re defining the meaning (thanks cous!)
          27. Hugs and kisses, given for free meaning a lot!

          What are you grateful for at the moment? What graces do you feel were presented to you?

          Sunday, November 14, 2010

          Lost

          My mind feels utterly full of unprocessed thoughts.

          Thoughts I didn't know were there.....

          Like many other days I woke up angry.  For what reason I have had no idea.  Anger directed to my husband and son.  I feel tired of doing so.  It is unneccessary, it only makes the people I love miserable and yet I can't control myself.

          This morning having a few minutes alone, I put on my CD of Christian songs to clear my mind, asked God for his guidance and went into meditation.  I didn't quite meditate as lots of thoughts kept coming up to me.  At one point I felt inspired into poetry and suddenly it struck me why I am angry.

          Angry, coz I cannot play with my son the way he'd love to and we most of the time end up in front of TV which I don't want to either.
          Angry, coz I cannot clean my own home.  I love keeping it in shape but I have to let others do it for me.
          Angry, coz I feel so utterly tired, that even an evening with friends ends up on a bad note.
          Angry, coz all this makes me angry and uncontrolable and hurt the people I love, coz I judge them and think unrespectful thoughts of them.

          So I am letting down my tears of anger....trusting Jesus to give me the strength to overcome these adversities.
          Praying, that I haven't done much damage to my son's development with my bursts of anger.

          My mind is still clogged, but I do feel that little bit lighter.  It's difficult to focus at times on the goals I wish for my family, still my faith will not let up, I know I will get there.

          Tuesday, November 9, 2010

          Sick - Joyful moments

          We've been sick with colds.

          After a week inside, we were impatient to go outdoors and although the weather ain't good, I wrapped us well and went to the garden nearby.

          Greg was estatic to say the least and seeing him jumping in the dead leaves and running from me as I threw him grass was a joy.  The simple pleasures of life!  It made me see how an uncomplaining kid I got and how important it is for him to have outside time as much as possible.

          He's still waking at 4 am and although he tries, he doesn't manage to sleep and in the end gives up.  The good thing is that we have eliminated the jumping on bed, requesting snacks, tantruming etc at this hour.  Still trying to find a solution but am calm about it- after all things fall into place quite quickly.

          Tomorrow, I got my next gyni appt.- 30 weeks friends. the countdown is officially on!

          Saturday, November 6, 2010

          random Saturday

          Today I had a sad feeling.

          My sister came over and frankly we couldn't find anything to talk about to each other.  It was a struggle which we both at times gave up of persuing.

          I had hoped long ago, that once we both have kids we would become closer.  Yet this is not the case- maybe coz our parenting methods are so different, maybe coz our way of thinking is very different...probably its a combination of all but it feels like a failure.  Something I wanted to do and never got to!

          On another topic, I have updated my wish list of things to accomplish and was very interested in seeing my once long list reduced to half a dozen things.  I was quite interested to note that my yoga teacher course is on the not sure list now.  Why? I got no idea myself when that happened but recently I started thinking about it since I was meant to start it next May.  I realised that I wasn't much interested in doing it per se.  I'd like to, but not to use as a job anymore but only as a byproduct kinda to further my insight in my future work.  Yes, I do believe that when the kiddies start school I will go back to work.  I am thinking on something to do with child care truly.  Maybe it will only be voluntary work, I really have no idea just yet but I know I will need to work hard for a rhythm when the time comes.

          Tonight I hope to manage and have a date with hubs...well just a night in really together but still.  Yet this cold I got isn't being very helpful and am more inclined to sleep -yikes-.

          Today, I am glad for some time alone at home.  For my son who's fed up of being inside all day long but doesn't quite complain much.  For hubs who is being soooo helpful even if I don't show the appreciation all the time.  For the work he's got that is enabling us to finally start renovations on our home.  It's gonna be a quiet weekend at home and that's ok.  We will have lots of filled days when the kids get older :) so enjoying the inactivity is what I am practicing right now.

          Tuesday, November 2, 2010

          1000 graces from God 12 -17

          God grants peace when we let it in his hands.

          So our everlasting conundrum of Greg waking at 3 am and can't fall asleep without the breast and normally now not quite sleeping but just enjoy its comfort in quiet snugness, has been solved.  i have placed it in God's hand - I can't and won't actually force my child into something against his nature.  As I was advised this is the next step before weaning themselves completely out of the breast.  Greg will probably wean himself before the baby is born.  He sleeps without it, he just needs it early morning.  I looked at it in a different perspective,  God showed me how the breast time had become a routine and now is a valued moment of closeness- grace 12!

          We've been meaning to do our bedroom for 2 years now.  But it never worked out.  Me & Dave, have been the most connected recently I feel and are now nearing completion of the bedroom saga.  I looked at it recently as a way that God helped us to reconnect and become closer and when the bedroom is finally done, we'd be on the right track- grace 13!

          14 - feeling your kicking child within
          15- growing bellies
          16 - family moments
          17 - being able and willing to show love

          Sunday, October 31, 2010

          Give away

          The parenting passageway is a wonderful source of information I found in my parenting journey.  And right now there is an added bonus...the giveaway of a book I'd really wished to read- discipline without distress. 
          You can read a very interesting post on the Twelve to Twenty Two month old traditional perspective of child development following this link and of course you might want to enter the giveaway as well.

          Hugs to all!

          Saturday, October 30, 2010

          projects & rhythms

          I've been refining our daily schedule-rhythm and am quite happy with the outcome.  Next on the list is starting an activity every week with Greg so I really need to plan in advance what we'll be doing, any materials I'll need etc.  Then there is the family time to sort out, the couple time and the me time..... its quite a list I know. 

          Yet it's the first time I am feeling really optimistic and am into it to truly give it a go.  I might not be socialising a lot or going out of the house so much with family &  friends but I am busy and am happy and all I need is enough courage to start projects I have been wishing to do but always postponing like:

          bread making
          trying to knit
          doing crafts for my son and with my son

          Apart for these, have been sorting our house renovations projects and will start getting quotes soon for the bedroom.  It's quite exciting and with some good luck we might have a new bedroom by mid next year.

          Any projects you are doing right now?

          Tuesday, October 26, 2010

          We might have cracked the code

          For the past week and a half I started grieving.

          My beloved son whom I enjoy breastfeeding, turned from nursing to simply suckling my breast like a pacifier.

          Since I believe this is not an option I have to freely give him and since if he starts this he doesn't stop till he wakes up and doesn't sleep well anyway, I together with my husband's support decided to quit nursing.  We both didn't like it and so he was tantruming his heart out while refusing straight and plain to go to sleep and me got angry at him for being stubborn and not nursing as he should.

          Of course it didn't help and after a few days of battling, I tried to find some help on the net as usual.  Although I didn't find actual info relevant to my situation, we still found some worthwhile solutions.  So yesterday we changed a bit the bedtime routine so that the usual steps which he associates with sleeping time didn't happen and Dave took up the responsibility of bath and sleep.  This worked wonderfully- he slept within 20 minutes without a single cry and when he woke up at night he went to sleep alone and when he couldn't Dave took him up and helped him back to sleep.  In the end half an hour before he usually wakes up, he came for me for some breast and I did let him suckle on for 30 mins (which I will reduce with 5 mins every week).  Now will see what happens tonight!

          As for nap time, it is still a bit of a struggle since I'm alone at home and he wants the breast but when the worse comes to the worse I take him for a ride in the car.  The same thing as night time we do at nap time - if he asks for my breast a few minutes before he usually wakes up I give it to him.  This meant that 2 days in a row he woke up with a smile from nap time which of course made me smile.

          It is so sad actually for a nursing mother to have and stop doing what comes so natural.  However, I am blessed to have been able to do it for nearly 2 years and God willing the new comer in January will be more than happy to nurse as well.  Maybe part of the sadness is also as I wish to see both my children breastfeed together and feel complete and happy all of us together... I know its a fantasy story but still.....

          If we have truly found a solution, I can thank God once more that things are settling more rapidly than ever.

          Sunday, October 24, 2010

          1000 graces from God no 9 -11

          Life throws us a lot of unexpecteds.  Sometimes they are easy to deal with.  Others consume us with questions, guilt, grief and such emotions.  Grace no 9- remembering that God is our leader and we must submit to Him and let Him guide us in the quest called life.

          I wanted the perfect baby shower but as already said things happen that makes us change tactics.  Grace no 10 - that just catching up with family and friends and having some time to enjoy their company is all we need.  Parties are just excuses to do so even if they turn out different.

          Lately I felt more in tune with hubs and found this a wonderful bonding time in its way.  Grace no 11 - Knowing I have the prefect husband for me and doing something that makes him smile is always wonderful

          Reassured yet confounded
          Lost but knowing the way
          Sad but finding happiness
          Adjusting yet maladjusting
          This is me and I trust me!

          Tuesday, October 19, 2010

          1000 graces from God No 5- 8

          5. Rain - We've been having a lot of rain so far this Autumn.  I am not complaining at all really considering the very dry Winter we have had, this is a wonderful blessing even if it means we stay in.
          6. Family - Met up with my cousin yesterday.  We sometimes don't meet for years even if we live jsut 15 mins by car away.  it was great seeing him and spending time with him and his wife.  Also grateful to still have 2 grandparents alive whom I can visit often. My nanna is wonderful and wouldn't change her in the whole world!
          7. Health - Been very tired but I am healthy so I remind myself of that so as to stop myself from complaining!
          8. Tantrums - The terrible 2s at 20 months---bring it on! I might feel overwhelmed, defeated, worried and insecure but my little man shows me he's got a will and he will use it at every possible moment to try and get his wants.  Isn't that wonderful knowing that?


          It is not an easy time at our house right now.  However, when I write here or in my journal something always triggers me to remember something else which in turn helps me in these trying times.  Maybe I hardly see any progress but I know that one day we will get there.

          Saturday, October 16, 2010

          mummy can't take it anymore

          I can't wait for next weekend.

          It's not the party really- that is just a plus- some time to spend with friends and get to know them even better.

          It's simply the me time I haven't had in ages.  Just thinking of going out from early morning and spending a whole day all by my self is dizzying! 

          I've been nagging and complaining non stop and although I see it and disgust myself hearing me speak I can't stop it.  I am tired.  I haven't had any me time for a long time now since I had to stop yoga classes.  When I am alone like now as hubs took Greg for a walk with the hope he finally sleeps, I still can't really relax.  Maybe i simply am so exhausted or its hormones and pregnancy.  We've been havin sleeping issues which i can't seem to resolve and are getting me even more tired.....I just can't function anymore!

          I know what to do to get back into balance but I don't have the energy to even start trying or thinking about it.  Also I know its a vicious cycle and when the mama is not into it everyone else in the family is effected.

          So what is a mama feeling in burnout to do? pray and love and thank and wait for next week and trust that tomorrow will be better and if Greg can have a normal nap again and sleep till 6 am again instead of 4, I can start planning the balancing act.  Coz really who am I kidding, unless I do it and quick, things will get worse not better.

          Friday, October 15, 2010

          26 weeks - nearing the countdown

          Although 30 weeks for me is the official countdown as there would only be 10 weeks left for the due date, it still feels like its a lot of weeks.  Or maybe its too little weeks...depending on the mood!

          Wondering if this baby will be early or late or on time.  Wondering if I should still do my son's birthday party or if I just have to leave it open just in case (since my son was born a day after the due date of my new baby).  If I should still confirm my place at the mother & baby club for the second semester starting in January.  Quite a few questions running around my head but its only the person within me who like to have everything scheduled and in order and sorted a long way before anythng happens that is thinking of these.  Most of the time I just take it easy and simply take it day by day.  After all there is nothing else I can really do since its up to the baby.  The rest will most certainly fall in its place when the time comes.

          Other than the random thoughts of nearing the end of this longish journey, the baby kicks as much as can be.  Is already head down though not engaged yet and a good size.  However, re the last bit of info I was aware of already since my weight is sky rocketing this time round!  I realise I don't actually look that big really but the fact remains I am gaining like 3 to 5 kg a month!

          My major complaint remains tiredness- lots of it even when my day is very easy. 

          That is all for this update folks.  Trust your week is faring as good as mine!

          Monday, October 11, 2010

          A day in Autumn 2010

          Today its a good day!

          We finally managed to sleep so woke up well rested albeit still earlier than usual. It was raining cats and dogs and that gave me a smile.  It was coldish and for the first time although not quite necessary put on long sleeves. Can you see my smile growing wider?

          Round about 8 am it wasn't raining anymore thought still completely cloudy and decided for a short walk.  Greg was ecstatic about the rain- seems he loves the wintry weather just like mama.  I felt a springy touch to my foot.  The crisp, clean air was great, the snails coming all out looked great, the green grass everywhere looked great.  We had a ball!

          Back home we watched some TV, played, sang, ran around and drew.  After lunch we both dropped off for a nap and while Greg is still napping I woke up feeling still outta space.  As soon as my pup wakes up I decided to try my hand and pumpkin carving...halloween is still far off but then here we don't really celebrate it...only its a fun thing to try and get Greg interested in.

          How is your Monday faring?

          Friday, October 8, 2010

          1000 graces from God - No 4

          Both me and Greg were tired today!  We didn't have a good night and he didn't manage to sleep come nap time.  By 4 pm we were both exhausted!  I complained with anyone I met and talked to and even got angry at hubs for asking me just a couple of questions. I am tired a said irritatingly, don't ask me anything just let me be.

          As usual I was shown how ignorant and ungrateful I am. 

          There are people who do body breaking work daily, whose plate is fuller than mine most of the time and yet, they just trudge along and keep their faith that one day it will be better.

          So feeling ashamed of myself, I thanked God for another blessing- a good day even though we were tired and tantrum proned.  Than I came here to tell you all about it and eat some nutella pick me up!

          What blessing was it showered your way today?

          Wednesday, October 6, 2010

          1000 graces from God- No 3

          I tend to belittle my husband.
          It happens so automatic that most of the time I don't even know I am doing it.
          However, there are those revealing moments where you hear yourself, your tone, your implications and it made me feel sad.  And more sadder that only once in a while I get any comments re this from hubby.
          I realise I am a very lucky woman- I've known this fact for a long while- but putting this into perspective I am very lucky indeed.

          God showed me the wrong I am doing and like I am nurturing my son to become a better person, I will do my utmost to bring more happiness to my husband.  I mostly used to think that our problem is communication, however I think it might be more stemming from my own ways and I will strive to make life a better place for all of us.  God's graces are incredibly more clear since I started this challenge and although I am still a long way from 1000, I know He is with me all along the way.

          Thanks my dear hubs for all the love you offer me even when I reject it!

          Monday, October 4, 2010

          my son is a person with his own traits

          See today started off bad and degenerated later on  and was finally saved.  However I simply am exhausted and tensed and can't wait for actual bed time so I can do some yoga and unwind.

          The main problem was last night with an alarm going off for 4 hours and NO ONE switching it off before 6 am!!  By this time both me and Greg had exhausted our will to try and sleep again and were both in a bad mood.  So I kinda knew how the day will play out.

          I actually tried to be thankful that we are alive and healthy and had food and clothes etc to make me feel better and more calm.  BUT (of course there is one!)  Gregory didn't share my effort to feel better and happy and so due to lack of  sleep, some teething pain and general bad mood we proceeded from playing quietly to a full blown tantrum.  I silly cow that I am let my anger take over and manhandled him :( which straight away made me feel guilty and bad but at least made me slow down and take a hold of my emotions.

          In the end although he was still prone to sudden outbursts, he calmed down enough to eat, nap, watch TV and play.  To smile and run and just be!  This however, made me look at Gregory in a different way.  Actually I was simply skimming this surface when I read a very resonating post at a fellow blogger which made me decide to share this with you as well.

          Our children are persons just like us.  Yeah we do tend to forget it just because they are young and we the know it all.  We at times believe that if we are not in a bad mood, they can't be either or else if they are we can make it better.  If they do not oblige us we get angry and make it worse.

          But children do have their bad days just like us and as we wouldn't appreciate someone telling us to get over it and smile, neither do our children.  At the same time, it is important that we let them express these feelings for no other reason than to learn about all the different feelings. how to handle them and so on.  When my mind clicked that anger will bring us no where and hugging etc neither because he refused them, I had to think of something else.  It was simple really, I just talked in a gentle way saying that it was ok to be angry and sad, that these moments pass.  Eventually he let me rock him and pat him and soon after calmed down enough to be picked up, hugged, kissed and continue with our day.  It took a long while and a lot of nonsense talking together with the reassurances but we did get there.  His mood improved but was still lets say trigger happy.

          This experience and that blog post, made me see more clearly how present I must be.  Gregory can't yet tell me all he feels inside him.  Frustration is an all time high.  He is also his own person and not only I can't control his feelings but its important to acknowledge them and accept them.  No feelings anyone has are bad or good.  It is the way we express them that can be unacceptable socially.  So we are obliged to show them that no matter how they feel, we love them.  That what they are feeling is good.  But show them gently how it is best to control our feelings so they won't get out of hand.  And what better way to do that than us keeping track of our own feelings?

          Friday, October 1, 2010

          1000 Grace from God - No 2

          I can excuse myself today that the night before was horrible and couldn't sleep.  This resulted in about 4 hours sleep total for which I got up feeling tired and grumpy.  Add to that a failed menu this week and had no idea what to cook and so my hubs suggested rice and pasta to which I sullenly replied that we had already both and don't feel like them.

          How regale of me to not wanting to eat the same foods over and over isn't it?  I guess most of us do take food and the easy means by which we get it for granted.

          But God showed me his second grace- I was crudely reminded that there are loads of other people who frankly would give anything to eat rice or pasta every day ....as long as they had something to eat.  That some would go find food in the bins of restaurants... as long as they can provide something for the family.

          And here I was complaining that I would be eating pasta again for the 3rd time this week!  So I did a plate of ravioli and thanked God that although my cupboards are quite bare at the moment, next week once the pay cheque comes in we would have plenty for another whole month!

          Thursday, September 30, 2010

          1000 Graces from God - No.1

          A fellow blogger who always inspires me to love God more decided to stop, look and see the various graces poured over her head instead of feeling negative over the things that at times overwhelm us.  I decided to tag along with this and will start by finding my own 1000 graces from God as from today.

          In fact my first grace from God is to have a happy, undemanding child.

          There are moments in my life where I still find caring for Gregory a hassle and wish my days free to do as I please.  However, today I remembered how precious a gift he is.  How undemanding and always smiling.  How he joys over little things like seeing a snail or having us doing funny faces to him or simply reading the titles of recipes in a funny voice.  What a joy this is considering how many people wish to have a child whether he is tiresome or not and can't.

          Thank you God for the gift and grace given to me and which you reminded me of on this particular day!

          Tuesday, September 28, 2010

          today

          Today I reached a corner stone in life.  Because today was my last day volunteering at the Island Sanctuary.  I thought of work and volunteering and what I learnt.

          Before Gregory was born I worked for 10 years at the same tourism company.  I liked the boss I had and the pay was good besides work was what I had studied for.  By the time Gregory was born, I had been thinking of quitting for a while- I had reached my limits for tourism, work had started to go somewhat downhill and now I know that deep down I wished some better relationships at work!

          The people who worked with me taught me all the things I used to abore and that undermined my resolution, determination, commitment, love & confidence.  They liked to gossip on people and I found myself joining in- I admit I am very happy to have got rid of that excess baggage!  They lived for what people thought, appearances, social status and made me hunger for things I never wanted, which left me depleted, out of synch and now I know that deep down I fought myself about it.  I am not completely cleansed of this but I see a complete different me, the me I used to know and I am much more happier this way.  I see how these 10 years have effected me and how in just one year I managed to get nearly in control of the real me once again.

          At the volunteering on the other hand, I met a lot of dedicated people full of love and compassion.  Who didn't ask about your background and only expected you to work as hard as they did for the good of the dogs there.  It helped me a lot to let go of all the superficial stuff I wanted.  I loved volunteering and admittedly it took a lot of commitment and love to go there week after week.  Because lets face it sometimes you just wish to stay home and do nothing or are having a bad day but whatever the reason, I would think of those people who not only go once weekly but everyday and do their best to keep the strays happy and eventually find them a loving home.

          I look at both those worlds.  I think of both those worlds.

          I do not regret my decisions.  I realise that to find myself I had to go through this period of life.  Now I've reached a corner stone.  A chapter I can close for good and another I will close for the time being.  In the meantime, I will teach my growing son about the good and bad and in betweens of life.  Life is not black or white it is full of colours and shades and only our perceptions decide how we look at them.

          Friday, September 24, 2010

          The gift within me

          See this has been a different pregnancy is many ways.  Not only the physical changes occurred much quicker than before and not only I feel much more tired than before or feel this baby kick a lot more than Gregory ever did.

          This baby has given me a gift.  I have realised how blessed I am with falling pregnant so easily.  I have seen more beauty in my emerging growing son than I might have seen had I not been pregnant.  I am much more excited about seeing this baby and can't wait to have it in my arms.  I wonder if they got the sex right and that has now increased my impatience to view my baby.

          Sorting through the newborn clothes recently and making wardrobe space for them got me whimsical and at the same time terrified-look at Gregory sleeping sweetly, being able to give him all my attention.....I know my next child will be loved as much as Greg but I can't fathom how I will divide myself to them yet.  Although I plan and think, I won't really know what will happen and how this will effect us all before baby is born.

          The last gift I feel this baby has given me is more patience- I wonder at myself when I see myself hold back from scolding, smacking or shouting at Gregory.  I find my patience has been growing and that is probably one of the biggest gifts of all for me!

          Wednesday, September 22, 2010

          Welcome to Living Simply

          I hope you like the new name!  I chose it for a variety of reasons...

          • Since the birth of our son we have been living more simply then before and haven't found to miss the old days really
          • Although most days can be said to be routine, both myself and my son seem to thrive on knowing what is going to happen next and so nowadays I rejoice in our routines and find more tiresome the days where we lack a routine
          • Because of the above plus a handful of reading I did, living the simplest possible way is my goal as it seems that this has more pros than cons in our lives.  Everyday I try to think of ways to make things easier to enjoy my son and love my husband and although not always successful, life is much happier this way.
          Besides Living Simply should be our aim- to live every day as our only day in our lives, loving well and laughing a lot!  The name also inspires me to write more on our daily lives and our happening as we go from transition to another.  This is especially true at the moment with the waiting of our second child but that is a whole new post I will write soon!

          Blessings and joyful moments!

          Monday, September 20, 2010

          Leading the way to two

          Ain't my man looking super sweet here pretending to talk on the phone? 

          This Summer as I have said probably ad nauseum, we saw lots of sudden progress in Gregory.  Maybe the most prominent change these past few days or so has been the sudden outbursts of frustration (also known as tantrums?).  Although they happen any time of the day, we had a few nighttime problems as well and whenever this happens it actually humbles me.

          Here he is understanding practically anything I tell him and with an increasing vocabulary on a weekly basis but he still hasn't got enough to tell me what are his needs at any given time.  Especially at night time when he is full of sleep he seems too confused to even tell me a basic need as drink and the ensuing crying and kicking and flailing of arms is quite an incredible experience. 

          I always feel helpless in trying to understand and calm him and its an uphill battle with myself in wondering if I am doing it right or wrong the handling of each situation.  So in trying to be consistent, while being understanding, I am trying to let my instinct take over more everyday to deal compassionately with these situations.

          How do/did you distinguish between a need and a want?

          Thursday, September 16, 2010

          Blog name

          Been thinking of changing my blog name- see when I started I had in mind to include mainly stuff on yoga and the environment.  However I have taken it over as a daily life/parenting blog and so believe that the name needs to be changed.

          What do you think? any suggestions?

          Monday, September 13, 2010

          It's a.......

          .......dang I ain't gonna tell you !  See although the ultrasound technician assured me that it's defenitely a........ and deep within me I also felt the same, I have this phobia of things done prematurely and gone wrong.  So unfortunately I will keep you all in suspense for another 3 months.  I will also not dwell about it and make believe that I do not know as if there was a mistaken identity I know I will take it super badly!

          Do not despair however, things are going fine I was told.  I do feel it kicking, summersaulting, backflipping and God knows what else.  I also am growing steadily and here is a pic of me at 22 weeks - though frankly I think in the pic I came looking smaller than I actually am and maybe I should take a pic of my bare tummy LOL.

          My complaint of the month (or rather the whole of Summer)- tiredness!  I assure you I never felt so much tired in my whole life....granted I have a toddler to keep up with but really even if he plays alone and I am sitting nearby just watching I eventually get very tired and by 8pm I am normally asleep.  Today is a good day as you can see since I am still chatting along!!  My PSD has had a couple of days of utter discomfort but I am hoping that will be back to normal by the coming weekend.  Nothing much else to report on my pregnancy really so here is a pic of the whole family instead :

          Monday, September 6, 2010

          Touching my days

          I realise that my last posts have all been related to Gregory.  Yet you have to concede that there are times in our lives where some things grip our attention more firmly than usual and this is one of them!

          His recent developments really put me in awe and being pregnant seems to enhance my view of my first born.  I am there seeing him everyday- blessed to be able and do so- and everything strikes me in a way it hasn't before.

          Sometimes, I wonder how everything will change with the new arrival and how Gregory will take to it.  Most of the time I let the worrying out of the window, because what is the point in doing so if I have really no idea!  I can read till my eyes squint about the subject but truly every child responds differently and every parents' approach is different as well and so I decided that now I have done my homework, to let instinct do the rest :)

          And now that the temp. has gone slightly down and I can breathe again, I will simply enjoy my last few months with him alone.  It's a bittersweet moment knowing that soon he will not be the centre of my universe any more.  However, life is a celebration of inconsistencies and as such I will let it into my door and breathe in the new era. I will stumble and fall but will finally find my footing and some balance will return and that is what we are always looking for !

          I hope you all have a good week.  Love and Peace to you all!

          Thursday, September 2, 2010

          Children Art

          My boy loves graffiti as you can see!  This trolley is meant to have blocks in but.....
          His blocks are full of graffiti art as well!



          Gregory's passion with colours started quite recently, at first he wouldn't glance much at them and suddenly he became totally engrossed.  He can spend the WHOLE day drawing away!  We have finally managed to convince him that drawing should be done on his colouring book (he started his 3rd one already!) although I have to remind him every now and then that blocks, other books & furnture are NOT for drawing!!  He has also progressed from doing random lines to do whole blocks of colour at a go and he holds his crayons with either hands so really he will probably learn to write with both hands.  I enjoy his love for art and can't wait to reintroduce him to poster colour (that should be another post but the couple of times I let him have a free hand with those...well everything got painted on from his body, to curtains, floors etc ).
          Here he is totally engrossed drawing his butterflies.

          Thursday, August 26, 2010

          words don't come easy ...or not?

          Sometimes a few weeks or months pass and suddenly you see such a drastic change in your child. Although Gregory has been saying single words for quite sometime, these past few days we have seen a big expansion of his vocab as well as adding 2 word phrases here and there. To add to the list I have already done earlier on which you can view here, these are the new words he's been saying!

          We have upgraded from da to daddy and bah to bahar(sea) and babu to buxu(snail) and mama to mummy.
          nannu
          cow
          mouse
          clack clack (chicken)
          tactor (tractor)
          fan
          dawl (lights)
          ilma (water)
          nam nam (food )
          carrot
          pata (potato)
          play
          barney(does it count as a word?)
          two
          three
          ten
          E
          B
          cream
          boat
          blocks
          cown (clown)
          cracker
          juice
          toast
          jaqq as in disgusting
          no

          and more whcih right now I can't possibly remember!His 2 word phrases are mainly jaqq coco/pipi, bah plane/dog etc, bye bahar/daddy etc

          And with this expansion we have also seen a lot more interaction with us. He is telling us much more often whenever he is hungry or thirsty. Telling us when he does his toilet (after though not before :( and only when he is without the diaper). He is explainging to us more what are his needs like wants to leave a place points towards a door and says car and if I say am not understanding he grabs my hand so I follow and tells me precisely what he wants near the thing and such! He is also becoming very much the 2 year old he will soon be and doesn't take no easily as an answer(I predict we'll be in for a ball soon!).

          I can't wait till January when I predict his phrases and words to become constant chatter in my ears :)

          Tuesday, August 24, 2010

          the snake of anger


          Its bubbling at the surface and shows its ugly face in a viscous way.
          Its force is more than I can control.
          Feel tired oh so tired!

          Friday, August 20, 2010

          20 weeks already

          Somehow, I am suddenly 20 weeks pregnant and it feels good to start the countdown. As much as I am calmer within this time round and haven't got much growth issues, I simply can't wait to have my body back and buy some nice clothes.

          I have also been feeling the baby move....it has been for a long while really but they were so faint that sometimes I think I probably dreamed them. However today, well today I really felt it move!!

          I also had my first hospital appointment or maybe I should rephrase that to date (7.30 t0 12.00!) - normally the hospital appt. I stay an hour to two max but this time oh boy and we had Gregory with us as we planned an outing after the hospital (which of course got cancelled!). My sweet boy was quite quiet in general and although he did ask for car (that is we leave) several times lol he was ok till the last few minutes while I was taking some blood samples and he got super tired and wanted mummy. This baby likes to move a lot more than Greg since he wouldn't even let the dr hear the heartbeat with all the movement. No special news really apart the fact that although I should (well according to the drs) be 20 weeks, the baby is the size of 18 weeks. My weight gain is exactly like my previous pregnany but my stomach is showing this time round quite well whereas last time I was 30 weeks gone the size I am showing.

          My SPD is quite ok since I am doing regular yoga at home and my dear hubs cleans the house for me. I will update you again in a month when I have my next ultrasound (unless anything exciting happens before!) and I promise I will post a pic of me to!

          Tuesday, August 17, 2010

          pray around the clock

          Recently I visited a fellow blogger and she had this very inspiring post! She basically has got a granfather clock in their house which chimes every 15 minutes and she decided to give a small prayer to God whenever it chimes. She says she finds it quite frustrating that quite a lot of time when this clock chimes she is either angry with the kids, husband etc and yet it gives her a motivation to try more at being a better person.

          Since I have re established my faith, I often wondered how I can remind myself of God throughout the day and give thanks to whatever he sends me. This post had the perfect solution. Although I don't own a grandfather clock, I do own a mobile with an alarm and today, I have set it up to ring every 15 minutes. I have also found the perfect prayer for me Thank you God, forgive me God!

          It will be interesting to see how many times it will ring finding me in a mad, bad or annoyed mood. Any other ways you find that helps remind you of God?

          Sunday, August 15, 2010

          Another first

          It's 6 am here, been awake an hour as Gregory woke up early despite the fact he slept at 9 pm. So while he 's watching Barney thought of updating you with our new first....

          The pics ain't the best but am sure you can see the face full of bumps! Going down some Church stairs his shoe caught at the last step and that was the result. I hope it all fades quickly I really don't like seeing his face like he's been into a fight :(

          Hope your weekend started on a better foot!

          Tuesday, August 10, 2010

          the picky eater

          When we started weaning our little puppy, we were quite overjoyed. He'd try and practically eat anything you put in front of him- and the best part was that I didn't puree but gave him food like ours straight away.

          Come the end of that Summer and our boy went a couple of steps back. Started refusing a lot of food and mostly he'd suddenly want it pureed. It bugged me! Although I knew he was healthy and fine - the energy he had was proof enough- like any other parent, seeing your child not eating or eating little and being very picky is disturbing!

          Fast forward to now. Gregory is eating again and eating galore. I have no idea when this happened but suddenly I realised that this guy is eating and trying again everything(except fruit- looks like he'sa t war with them). Sometimes what I present him doesn't tickle his taste buds and so have to resort to one of his all time favourites but most of the time he takes what's in the plate. The most funny thing is that he'd want the food to look like ours - that is if my meat isn't cut up he doesn't want his cut up and he won't eat it if you do it anyway!

          I wonder how this change slipped me and I didn't see it coming. Still, it is exhilarating seeing him eat with gusto and appreciation.

          Tuesday, August 3, 2010

          A day in our lives - Summer 2010

          5.30 - Greg woke up so obviously I woke up to even though I wished another half hour in bed! He went to play in his room while I started getting stuff together (we were going to the beach with grandma & cousins).
          6.00 - down for breakfast; yoghurt for Greg toast for me. I gave him that while watching postman pat on DVD. Than I continued with the preparations while calling Dave down to his breakfast. Soon after got an sms from my mum saying little Rebecca had fever so no beach :( BUT since we were all ready & geared up I decided we should still go just me and my boy. So went to put a load going in the washing machine and at 7.30 left the house.
          7.45- Got to Ghar Lapsi practically still deviod of any humans apart for a group of pensioners and fishermen. We went into the sea and Greg stayed watching out for crabs and snails and throwing stones and playing ring a ring a roses and playing ball. After an hour in the water we went for a snack and made our way to the other side of the beach were the fishermen come in. So we watched them bringing in the catch of the day and saw lots of fish swimming and many crabs. We again made our way back to where we left our stuff had a bit more snacks and headed one last time into the water.
          9.45 - Made our way home and Greg slept on the way. On arriving I did my yoga routine, Bible reading, hanging of clothes, lunch and checked the emails. Just as I went upstairs to take a shower Greg got up hungry so gave him lunch, took a shower both of us, dressed and went off to see grandma Carmen.
          12.45 - While I conversed with mum, Greg played with the toys she got at her home alone. Than we transfered to the small yard and he continued playing there. Round about 2 I took a sandwich and Greg decided he wanted one himself too! We then went to the garage to sort out some stuff there and later carried on to my own grandma's home in the country.
          Greg loves it there he played ball, ran after cats, watched bumble bees & butterflies and had long conversations with the plants LOL. Than he got hungry so gave him dinner there and after we went out again to play. We adults talked about this and that and when the need arose entertained Greg (but it wasn't often he had lots to keep him occupied there!)
          18.00 - Back at my mother's place we found my dad had done dinner and it was nearly cooked. While it finished we peeled a bucketful of prickly pears which dad picked up and he played with Greg- chasing cats, dogs, looking at chicken and what not! We than sat to dinner and Greg decided he wanted some more food. After dinner we left and made our way home to Dave whom we left to enjoy a few hours of peace.
          20.00 - Finally Greg felt ready to nurse himself to sleep so we all settled comfortably in bed and soon after we were all happily dreaming!

          A wonderful day to remember :)

          Sunday, July 25, 2010

          mining through parenting

          Yesterday I forgot the world.

          I left my son in his father's hands, the house in my husband's hands and I just sat down and read and read and read.

          Whenever, my pup spotted me he came running into my arms wanting some mummy attention and truth be said I did feel guilty when that happened. However, I needed this time and I couldn't function for the day.

          The book - My Sisters' Keeper by Jodi Picoult - is wonderful and I am not talking just the storyline. In between the lines you can see the pain, frustration, insecurities of us parents. Parenting at the end of the day is worse than a minefield. From the moment you get to know you are expecting, every decision you make is bound to be made with the childs' well being in mind. The problem is that this isn't as easy as it seems because parenting has so many faces.
          Should I breastfeed or not, should I use gentle discipline or not, should I use something in between? All the pros and cons can be evaluated, you can read a million books but ultimately parenting is a journey you have to take alone. Every one of us has to find their own path but this path is most of the time like groping in darkness. Trying to find, understand, make sure that our children are brought up healthy and balanced when we ourselves are not.

          This book summed it up perfectly and I thought-we all do the best we can or what we believe is best and maybe a lot of people might think we are not doing it well but we all have our ways and that's ok. All we have to do is remember when things get thick is that we are doing our best and need to step back and breathe because this is not a competition on how to bring up a child or a test its about loving them and hearing them and listening to them.

          May you have a great weekend

          Thursday, July 22, 2010

          1.5 years

          My puppy is growing so fast. Suddenly I am seeing so many changes within him it makes me smile.

          • Right now he's mummy's boy - won't let me easily out of his sight
          • Loves watching Disney's Cars
          • He is trying a lot of food even if he rejects half of them
          • His vocabulary is expanding everyday
          • Loves helping out with the sweeping, washing up, putting shoes in their cupboard & more
          • Enjoys himself immensely using poster colours (colour of which ends on every part of his & my body & floor not just paper) & crayons
          • And boy does he know to show when he is not happy with something?

          Although sometimes you see what looks like defiance in him, I celebrate his new found independence and pushing of limits. I got more the hang of discipline to and some worked a treat instantly, others I am still waiting for it all to click in his mind- the cause and effect issue!

          Also since doing my best to keep more to a routine I see more positiveness in him that keeps coming out waiting for me to help guide.

          My Gregory at 1 and a half years!

          Friday, July 16, 2010

          burden or blessing?

          In this pregnancy I was given a burden - sitting bones pain also known as SPD. Basically my pelvis which should start to be more flexible to facilitate the birth of the baby, actually starts moving that inch or less more than necessary causing pain.

          I have been angry about this fact, sad, making my own life miserable and complaining non stop to anyone who would hear about poor me problems. What however, I had missed understanding was that this trait was given to me by God himself. This trait should be seen as a blessing!

          It is there to show me once more that we need cooperation and help between us. Compassion and love. It is also there so that I can find my own inner strength once more - this was lost somewhere along my married life and probably even before that actually!

          So today I am thankful to have understood what is required of me before it was too late. I will love my body and treat it with more compassion. I will seek help and compromise with my husband and also with other family members that are ready to do a lot to help us along and I will meditate so I find once more my inner strength- something which I will be needing very soon.

          Wednesday, July 14, 2010

          book parties

          Today we attended a book party where me & Greg plus six other children had a short dance followed by a story, re-enactment of the story by flash cards than we had a bag full of toys that start with the letter C and in the end a craft project. It was wonderfully organised and enjoyed it myself.

          However, my little boy isn't prepared for such structured projects or at least not in a group. Besides it coincides with his nap time which although most of the time I do prolong it till later without problems he was not happy today to do so. It might also be the teething that was bothering him more than usual and include to that the Summer heat. Whatever happened to Greg today, he didn't enjoy the class as he should have. I decided to try it again next week but if similar results happen I won't go anymore and instead try to do something similar at home as it is a great way to get children to learn while having fun.

          I admit I was more disappointed myself with what happened and for an insane moment felt like I was a bad mother coz my son was having a fit nearing to a tantrum (which I avoided) in front of others. I don't know why or maybe yes...my self esteem is on the low right now and of course Greg can feel my uncertainty and lack of confidence which is reflected in him and so the ball starts to unravel quite quickly. Still I am quite thankful of this experience as it gave me some great ideas to do myself at home and to share with others.

          Thursday, July 8, 2010

          Summer is my downfall

          I love going to the beach but other than that Summer can simply not exist.

          My energy level always drain when the heat starts soaring and so I look at my house, my family, myself and feel like things got abandoned way beyond recognition or acceptable levels. Now that I got down to really explore what my body can do in yoga and hopefully test this new routine later today, I believe that things will start moving again.

          I decided to make to do lists for all areas of my life and start slowly slowly to elimate them one by one. Its going to take a lot of time but that is something I have and can control and looking forward to all the changes this might involve.

          Wednesday, July 7, 2010

          at 12-13weeks pregnant

          Today I had my ultrasound which determined exactly how old is the baby....for those who are not aware, I still breastfeed and my cycle had just started when I got pregnant again and so we weren't sure when the baby was due. That was solved as it seems baby should be born round about the new year , which is quite incredible.

          This morning I was looking forward and yet terrified of the ultrasound for quite a stupid reason. In the first few weeks my tummy started showing that slight little bump quickly and than seemed to stop grow and I wondered if something was wrong. Thankfully everything looks normal and guess what- when I compared my weight gain with Greg's at 11 weeks I was 62 kg and at 12 weeks I am now 61 kg so my worry of gaining quickly was completely unfounded.

          Although most professionals will probably laugh at me, I am sure I can feel the baby move sometimes and believe me during the ultrasound this baby simply didn't stop moving! he was summersaulting and kicking so much. I on the other hand am feeling quite healthy and happy and i am actually not dreading and worrying anymore about my growing tummy but actually enjoying it more for which i am soooo pleased. I am also working hard to getting a new yoga routine in place for me at home but isn't so easy to do. My only downfall is how quickly I am tiring - me needing a nap in the afternoon was never heard of and yet when Greg premits it is what I am doing!

          I hope you are all enjoying the Summer- more news soon!

          Sunday, July 4, 2010

          I dreamed....

          Today, I started thinking of all the changes I wished to do to our house so that eventually it will look more like a home than just a house where we live in.

          But later on, I started dreaming of the perfect house inthe perfect location and well perfect in everything. I know the house.....it is there so far abandoned- probably built illegally but left there standing house for small animals and birds.

          It has a big garden (well right now it has a medium garden and a pool - but I wouldn't keep the pool), the house is all ground floor and has enough space for a studio for hubby and a yoga studio for me.

          So i dream that one day soon that place would still be available and we can afford to buy it .......

          Wednesday, June 30, 2010

          Summer fun

          Now that my early pregnancy symptoms are gone and I am feeling myself more or less back to normal, we have started to enjoy our hot Summer. Days are filled with trips to the grandparents, pools, beach,'forest' and playing grounds; as well as cooking sessions, reading, gardening and cleaning ( Greg simply loves helping out when cleaning the house- so far!).

          Here are some pics of our recent trip to Buskett-
          making his best to lift this huge stone
          kicking the ball while playing football

          drinking alone from his bottle




          here we are smiling - I know am terrible at taking these pics!


          playing with the ants




          Buskett how it looked




          helping rebuilding the boundary wall







          Thursday, June 24, 2010

          my little man

          His smile is being so big lately that it makes me smile even more....his understanding and the way he makes you understand his needs are growing so much its a joy to watch. His vocabulary continues to expand slowly slowly which is also wonderful.

          However, the most impressive for me right now is seeing him play rough with his 5 year old cousin as if nothing is different between them. Keeping up, being as rough as him and enjoying himself silly! Today was one of those days and I felt so relaxed seeing them together....if only we lived nearer they could meet up more often!

          Saturday, June 19, 2010

          The black days are over

          The black days as my husband refers to, seem to have passed and pregnancy is following much more normally. My bump is incredibly enough for me already showing a little and most of my clothes can't seem to fit that much. In my last pregnancy, I started having a bump round about mid August so I don't have clothes for now. In fact I need to go get me some maternity clothes and this is quite a big problem since in Malta you get like half a dozen clothes on the racks for maternity and I don't quite like the idea of buying clothes online!

          I am still 2 and a half weeks off from my ultrasound to determine exactly how many weeks I am. The most I should be when I got for my ultrasound is 14 weeks but my gyni thinks I am less. I on the other hand believe I would be that much if not slightly more. I am so anxious for this day to arrive that I can't seem to focus on the present moment at times.

          My main concern at the moment is the pain in my sitting bones which have me not being able to bend, climb stairs, wash the house, do lots of exersize and so on. From what I gleamed on the net its a pubic disorder where the sitting bones which start moving for when the baby needs to be born move a little bit too much. I will need to confirm more on this at my next appt. however the symptoms are all there and when I am more careful on these issues there is less pain. However for the past 2 days its has been a bit bad more than usual. Unfortunately, the only thing I can suspect is yoga which should be helping me. So I will have to be careful or avoid hip openers (though these are the most suggested for pregnancy!). I emailed a couple of weeks ago one of the yoga pregnancy gurus but unfortunately she doesn't seem to be helpful online since the only response was to attend class and when I explained I don't live in the UK had no further contact with me. It is quite a shame and I will try find some one else who might be able to help and suggest me the best yoga to do for now and considering my problem.

          Wish you all a good weekend

          Wednesday, June 9, 2010

          It's official....

          ....baby no 2 is on his way and after the initial elation of knowing I will soon have a second child to nurture and love, pregnancy depression made itself visible once more!

          I feel bad really that I do not enjoy the pregnancy process like so many other women or like so many women wish to go through. But pregnancy looses my balance somewhat......

          Anger and frustration are quite manifest as control over my body disappears into nothing. Self confidence is dropping near zero as my body is starting to slowly round up (even if not quite visible yet). The many other little health issues like heartburn, occassional nausea and lots of headaches are taking a toll on me.Thankfully so far the million of spots that erupted on my face in the last pregnancy haven't manifested and hopefully it will remain so.

          And no matter how I try to rationalise it, breathe, relax, feel thankful for my receptive body......I am in a meltdown. So, although I will keep you updated and hopefully with more cheerful days, you will surely not find any belly photos and won't hear of the proud bump.....maybe I can somehow sleep till its time to give birth- sigh-

          Can you suggest anything so that I release my anger and frustration and boost my self confidence once more?

          Monday, June 7, 2010

          sicky sick

          My baby is sick and can't seem to get better! It started 2 weeks ago on Wednesday with a blocked nose. By the weekend we progressed to a cough. Now the cough is nearly gone and instead of blocked his nose is leaking a lot but last night and this morning he had fever.....so it looks like a trip to the doc will be unavoidable in the end!

          On a positive note, apart for this morning, he's been quite his usual sunny self and the only telltale of his not being well is the food choosiness..

          Wednesday, June 2, 2010

          My growing toddler

          Greg has been blabbing for quite a long while now. For a long time he also had long conversations, serious ones mind on his own while pointing at this and that and nodding away his head!

          Nowadays his single conversations take a funny outlook since he would be saying something and starts laughing his head off...I still wonder what he is saying. Sometimes I stay imitating him and he laughs even harder :)

          Yet to our satisfaction he also started adding a lot of words to his vocabulary. Here are a few:

          mama
          da (daddy)
          plane
          pipi
          cat
          car
          dog
          truck
          coco
          bye (and if he wants you to simply go accompanied by vigorous waving)
          nanna
          dik/dak (this/that for whatever he wants)
          doqq (ring)
          Bah (gone)
          Bah (for sea)
          bird
          book
          baby
          babu (snail)
          Bambin (Jesus)
          zizi (breast pls I need a fill up)

          Apart for his vocabulary, he is now understanding loads and making himself understood. For example he points first to the candle and when you give it to him he comes to you gives it to you and points to the drawer while saying dik to the particular drawer where there are matches = light up that candle missus!
          OR at 4 am wakes up as if its nothing points down the stairs and once you go there to the TV - come on man its time to sleep not watch TV!

          He also is getting choosy on food and sometimes there is something to eat which once he tastes he simply throws out from his mouth disgusted (to think just a few months ago he used to gulp it down!).

          Other toddler stuff - getting pig headed LOL I suppose its part of us humans but he does tend to get quickly angry over trifle things. At times I seem to be winning and other times it seems I can't get head or tails of him. He also loves helping out in his way or rather feeling he is doing something like me and so if I am watering the plants he waters them as well after me with the watering can. If I am washing up dishes I get him a chair and a scrubber and he stays there scrubbing at the sink. He also enjoys standing on the chair while watching me preparing dinner. He also at times tries to imitate me washing teeth and so I give him the toothbrush everyday to get him round to do it eventually daily!

          He is a great walker since he mastered the art of walking- he now already runs! I still can't believe it when I see him running and he walks for ages without tiring up! Last time he walked what for us is normally a 20 mins walk with only 5 mins on me. I can only wear him for short periods now like for going quickly to the local grocer. He enjoys the swings- just the swings no slides etc and simply loves having us reading books to him.

          Its a joy seeing so many changes in him and yet a headache trying to figure out ways how to teach him that hitting coz u r enjoying yourself is not ok but I know that we will get there a little pace at a time.

          So thinking of these things today made me appreciate my son more....we tend so easily to forget or look at our children to enjoy them and understand them!

          Monday, May 31, 2010

          communcation

          I was just meditating, centring my failing energy levels and grounding myself back to earth when at one point my mind wandered on communication.

          At one point, I got a bit obsessed about this and was going to drive hubs crazy :) Yesterday, while having a short walk I asked him to tell me what he expected from his role as father, husband and friend......his answer was that first there are too many things to discuss such (like an interview out of the blue LOL) and than most strikingly for me he said that our roles are interchangeable according to the everyday needs and that it is quite useless discussing such an issue. I realised that somehow, unconsciously we were both aware of our roles and about the interchangeability of them and true enough there wasn't much to discuss therefore. Yet it got me to thinking a bit....

          See I wrote this blog to interact with people, because I feel a lack of friendship were I can express myself and have honest opinions given back to me. However, I see that this hasn't quite changed my position. Although I have followers on my blog, I don't get a lot of comments. Mostly I get the feeling that who comments for me are doing so as respect for the comments I had previously left them myself. Maybe I got it wrong and maybe not....I cannot quite say. However, I have to say that I met through other blogs people who's way of life or the way they view things helped me become a better person.

          So, in a way although my original goal wasn't reached I still found a lot of help indirectly and also directly and I am very happy of this. Yet going back to communication, it does feel a lot of times like I am doing a one man conversation - all alone discussing with myself, sifting through the rubble and dust to see something of which I am not sure!

          I see how many changes happened in this past year or to be more exact in these last 4 months or so. I still feel like I am swimming uncontrollably but I feel more in tune with my destination. The pity is that it can be so difficult to communicate what you are feeling to others....maybe coz I feel that most people are more engrossed in their own lives and only ask questions as a must of social ethiquette. Than I am said to be strange coz I am not a social person....I now realise that I am social but really what is the point of being social when we play around small talk, hardly get any better at getting to know our family & friends and any effort done by yourself gets squashed down quite quickly?

          So I wait....wait till communication becomes truly important in the people around me. Till we see that there is no point in being afraid of communication and hopefully it will not be too late when that happens and our friendships will flourish! Because at the end of the day I can say all that is in my heart on this blog but what will be the point of it if I don't get to really discuss all that is there with anyone?

          Thursday, May 27, 2010

          Tv Toddlers

          Up till a week or so ago, Greg watched no more than 30 mins TV on a daily basis and normally only 3 times weekly. Now, he wants to watch TV first thing in the morning, later in the moring and even in the afternoon. I admit I am not quite happy with all this TV watching but decided there are other battles which will be more worth fighting than this.

          Thing is, we do spend a lot of time outdoors or playing with toys upstairs so I guess watching an hour or two TV daily isn't worth battling over after all everyone goes over a phase of TV watching and it might be better if we get it over now as a toddler :)

          What do you think about TV watching?

          Wednesday, May 19, 2010

          The circle of life

          My eyes are burning, been feeling tired and not quite myself all day .....the weather doesn't help much - grey, coldish wind, but no rain which is what we truly need!

          My patience with Greg dwindles to nil at times and other times I manage to keep my centred calm self. Life right now is a roller coaster, I think we have touched a turning point- a point were the long ,nice, calm days are simply put over and we must challenge ourselves again till we find said balance once more.

          This is our life, when we feel to be on the right track, something happens to side track us and gives us a new challenge to conquer.

          Right now it all seems quite complicated and yet simplified....maybe I am trying too hard and so not getting anywhere or maybe I believe I am trying and in reality am not.....nothing really some quiet meditation won't help to resolve but it will take longer till my centre gets established again for a few weeks.

          Monday, May 17, 2010

          God's will my submission

          Last week I received an email saying that a yoga teacher training course will be held here on our islands. I felt exstatic, a dream come true.....

          However, although financially its ok for me to do it so far, other things have come into play which means that till now I will not after all do this course.

          I felt quite heartbroken, angry and sad....to say the truth it was like all life force had gone out of me and I could barely function for a few hours. Than I realised that if it is in God's plan for me to do it, things will change round just in time for me to apply. I started praying see and singing to God asking him to take away my pain, to release me and that His will, will be my complete submission and acceptance.

          I am now happy, untroubled and back to my normal self. Like in this instance, I feel in awe of myself for managing to solve my own issue in this way...I never used to do so before! I am so glad to have taken God back into my life and letting Him work His wonders on me!

          May you all get blessed and enjoy this new week!

          Tuesday, May 11, 2010

          Natural Parenting

          I used to wonder what I'd do with myself if I ever stopped working and frankly I could never imagine doing so!

          Now I can't imagine how I ever worked in that stale environment for 10 years with people I didn't trust and like, with no appreciation, a job that became a bore, a chore, something that I had to not wanted to!

          Life at home is sometimes viewed below par because you ain't paid for it. However, I am sure that most of us women would rather be a housewife and full time mum than go to work if at all possible. So far I never encountered any sort of criticism about my choice but than in Malta a lot of us still stop working to care for the children whenever finances allow. So maybe that is why!

          Still I do encounter a lot of raised eyebrows or comments or both because I use natural parenting. This concept is quite inexistent in Malta (or at least I am not aware of anyone who encourages it or of others who do it). When Greg was born and I insisted on babywearing I got a lot of negative feedback which left me drained most of the times when out in public. I still get strange looks when I babywear him now at 15 months. Because of my prolonged breastfeeding (I still nurse him on demand) I too get a lot of raised brows and say that I shouldn't or that its not necessary etc etc. Now that my philosophy is to be a gentle disciplinarian or as also known natural parent I get even more strange looks. However, in my 2 week stunt I have seen a big difference. From near to 20 hours of frustration, crying and tantrums for every little thing that happens at home we have gone to near to nil. His appetite is also improving and though this might not be in conjunction to this, I think it is. I am being much more relaxed and so is he. Now all that is left is for me and daddy to remember and be aware more of our actions so that we stop completely any shouting which still happens occassionally and that is my biggest aim!

          Natural Parenting is by no means easy. It is actually more difficult than the standard parenting method because you cannot simply sit down and yell at the top of your voice your wishes. You have to be on your toes and think before taking action of anything. To go down to your child's level and to give him the necessary attention. At the end of the day it is at making your childs' progress in this world as easy and wholesome as possible.

          To view more on this method of parenting visit Attachment Parenting International, La Leche League & The Parenting Passageway

          Thursday, May 6, 2010

          Good Manners & children

          Normally, we expect our children to say please and thank you etc but don't practice them ourselves. We badger them with good manners but are not fans of it ourselves.



          However children laern through imitation, so how can we expect a please and thank you if we don't say them ourselves? I resolved that rather than requesting my son to say them upon my own prompt, to say them myself whenever appropiate and so he will start imitating me himself of his own steam as it should be.



          What about you, what are you teaching your child through imitation? is it good or bad?

          Wednesday, May 5, 2010

          Living in awareness

          Living in awareness isn't really easy. You have to look at every thing you are doing be it eating, walking, sitting..... why you might ask should I do these things? I have to say I started for my son! Although I already see much more benefits. Because I want to practice gentle discipline, I need to be aware of everything. Think before react! Whenever I loose my awareness I tend to get angry over trivial things or lets say that I'd be angry for something I knew could have been avoided but still he gets the blame! But being in living awareness, you feel the freshness of the wind on your cheeks and smell the smell of Spring. You eat without stuffing yourself and know when you are thirsty, tired or simply relaxed. You are happy because you get to know more yourself, see as if for the first time life around you, enjoy the simple pleasure of seeing an ant!



          So see living in constant awareness is giving me so much. However, I have to be diligent, realise and forgive myself whenever I stray and just take it day by day.



          May you try living in awareness and brings you as much blessings as it doing to me.

          Letter to new mums

          Welcome to motherhood!
          Its a rollercoaster journey, full of laughter, pain, worry, happiness.....In this year and three months since I became a mother myself, I've gone through so many changes myself as a woman, mother, wife & friend. I can't quite understand anymore how I used to live my life- it seems so dull, lifeless as it was..(though I do miss my lazy Sunday mornings!). And so much more changes from seeing my newborn to a strappy toddler whose joy in discovering life is ever so wonderous.

          But now, you are just starting and my advise to you is to relax, enjoy your baby and forget the tornado that will be forming on your house. Don't let pride in the way and ask help if needed. Bond with your little one and keep calm in his presence - remember he can feel what you feel! and get back your energies. Once you settle down, and find your rythm everything will look easier. Last of all enjoy motherhood because getting angry or upset will loose you so much charm of seeing your child growing up.

          May your very first mother's day be blessed with all your hearts' desire.

          This is Mamakats' writers workshop prompt of the week. For more follow the link.

          Saturday, May 1, 2010

          Random on Saturday

          • I haven't been much around, but all is good! Been doing a lot of research on parenting as well as for mamascircle which I will be changing ever so completely!!


          • Gregory has been changing so much lately....he is suddenly making his wishes more understood with gestures and trying to repeat words at times (though still a while before he talks talks).


          • The sun is already too hot in Malta - I am so ready to go to the beach. Been most of April putting summer clothes already!


                  • Been reading this book Going Home by Thich Nhat Hanh - its a spiritual book very well written on how the differences in religion are really just different ways of saying things. It explains them wonderfully and would truly recommend it as a good read!


                  • the roof garden is blooming nicely and I am very pleased with my achievements and I also discovered how much I like pottering in my little garden.


                  • I am working towards 2 goals-of being a mindful/aware mother and of creating a website full of natural parenting tips and eventually maybe be an LLLI and API local representative....it would be awesome!

                  and you what have you been up to?