Thursday, May 26, 2011

clearly mine

This little guy, with that precious smile is labelled as naughty and aggressive.  Not many say so but their look says it all as they see my spirited child run, scream and simply enjoying life.

He can be tiring yes; and he can also make me loose myself in anger.  Yet I can never give him such cruel labels.  I find myself telling people that no he is not naughty and they insist and there are these moments were I feel like arguing with them that because he does not fit in the image of how children should act doesn't mean he is naughty.  However, I never do it in the end I just insist that he ain't so!

This little guy, is my unbinder.  He can push my buttons in a second and yet resets them just as quickly.  His development I can measure in strides not paces.  No he is not complaint especially if we are out in public.  No he is not silent and sits quietly if we take him to Church.  He loves to play with peers in an aggressive way ( pushing each other , falling on each other, throwing cushions and so on)- what I call the boys' way.  I try to redirect him, give him focus and explain that he should be gentler and he is.  However, when he gets happy and excited he forgets the gentleness :)


This little guy, has taught me so much on parenting(and still does).  Has showed me ways, given me back my lost imagination, made me proof to myself that I can be patient as much as I cared to be because when I am not, I am doing a conscious choice not to control myself most of the time.  He's made me loose faith and regain it, loose strength and redouble it, doubt myself till I find myself more confident in my endeavours.  He is the one with whom I can see clearly because he forces me to in order to understand him.

My man, my boy, my baby!

Monday, May 23, 2011

A BIG thank you is due!

I have made a friend.  One which sustains me in my parental journey more than I can ever express.

I am so glad to have found her and I thank you if you read this because my inner strength had been dissipating so much that I'd probably had started to give up by now.

This is grace no.101

102. ideas and more ideas
103. laughter during family time
104. my son saying sorry without any prompting when doing something unacceptable
105. awareness

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

a window in discipline

I have this window increasingly open lately.

Where I am either seeing myself doing what I do not wish to be doing and yet incapable of stopping myself or else being able to look at myself and my children and be able to discern how grave the situation is before I react and so setting us all free from any unwanted grief.

The awareness of it makes me giddy.  Because when the first happens I am able to see over and over where my trigger is that makes me loose control of my emotions.  Finding a way to explain it simply to my son (that is to excuse my impulsiveness and loss of control) is still difficult but I do try!  Yet I can forgive myself rather than feel excessive guilt about it.  God has made me imprefect and loves me so and so how can I not forgive my own imperfections and giving Him praise for making me glare at them straight in the face and providing me with ways to eventually perfect my own emotional control?

And when the latter happens, I praise God even more for helping in providing us with this golden moment of clarity that gives us so much joy.

It takes practice and a lot of reminding to stay aware and focused on any situation...in every second of your day, to look at it with perspective.  Its not easy but it gets easier everyday and when I get these moments I realise that I am getting closer to my objective and can provide my children with a wholesome start in life.
Parenting is so much more than just telling your child what he should and shouldn't do.  The complexity I discovered is so big that frankly I can't explain it.  At every given moment you have to look at what the child is thinking and then react accordingly and not look at it from your own perspective which is completely distorted.  We have to be careful because everything we do is being imprinted on our little ones either good or bad.....and above all this, while loving them unconditionally, we must remember that these little gifts are only given to us to help them grow and spread their wings and that we are not their owners.  We can't keep them, we must find it within us to help them grow, be near and yet far away.

Our children are a treasure which we must give away.  A treasure we have to take deep care of.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

divorce for or against?

At the moment here in Malta this is the main discussion everywhere as we prepare to go for a referendum to introduce or ban divorce forever in our country.

I am against divorce myself!  However, it irkes me to see both the pro and against movements giving what I believe to be silly arguments about the issue.

So 2 things the pro movement says is that ...
1. you are guaranteed maintanance money- how can they guarantee such a thing? its never possible!  There are many complex things that make up this possibility and even if you take the person to court and they are given a prison sentence the point remains that you are not given the said money and you won't!  So telling people that this is a guarantee is immoral.
2.  there is this billboard with a woman sporting a black eye (purpurting to abuse) and saying would you give your daughter another chance?  truth be said everyone would!  BUT if I am giving my daughter that privilege I am also giving it to the abuser unless they will be doing something in a way that whoever is thinking of remarrying with the said person knows he/she has a  history of abuse.  IF a person is abused I think the Church and state should simply nullify the marriage without hiccups.

The against movement on the other hand is saying that without divorce we have a more stable marriage.  Hmmm I tend to differ.  A stable marriage happens because the couple is willing to work VERY HARD at their relationship!  Making the effort every day to meet and get to know their partner.  That being said, there are still marriages that end up broken and not because they didn't do so but because they reached a natural end- yes this can happen!

I still do not believe divorce is the solution.  I think it should all stem from the very beginning....the way we are brought up!  Values are mostly forgotten nowadays.  Parents feel lost and incapable of caring for their children at times.  Too much pressure and they give them whatever whenever just to please them and shake off their guilty feelings.  So most of us are brought up wanting everything there and than without hassles and if there is we sulk and go away.  Well a marriage can't happen this way.  You must work for it and at it from the moment you decide to take that particular step.

For divorce to enter and be allowed to enter, I believe there must be very strict and complicated rules for it.  However since this is not quite possible as none want such a hassle, divorce should be banned.

As Christians we should follow our instinct.  Jesus once said that divorce was given to humans by humans because of their stubbornness not because God accepts it.  I think its true....we are stubborn all of us and that is why we want divorce- to feel more in control over issues we have no control on.  Yet, no guarantees are given still and that leap of faith you do in marriage will have to happen every time you get married again....and would you do so ?

Monday, May 9, 2011

I am gorgeous

me and Dave on our 5th wedding anniversary this April.
For the past few weeks, whenever I look at the mirror or see my photos, I think I look fabalous!
Guess it sounds a bit pompous of me to say so, but its the truth. I am the most me now at age 30.  I am happy and confident.  I do not have the perfect body as portrayed by the media and brainwashed into our minds.  Yet I do have a perfect body- one that is made specifically for me! 

And I am so proud and lucky to have it and enjoy it.  I hope that you to can feel in tune with your body and enjoy this moment.

Maya's Baptism

Maya's day was oh soooooo different from Gregory's.  Let's start with the fact that we had a full ceremony including mass (with Greg we just did the ceremony).  Let's continue by saying that with Gregory although we only did the ceremony which lasted approx 30 mins max, by the time half of it was over he was howling like a banshee as he was tired, hungry and had a dirty diaper.  This resulted in simply 2 photos of the occassion with not one which came looking good!

Fast forward 2 years....we have the full ceremony with mass and Maya is quiet all the way through.  She is tired and tried to sleep but due to noise didn't manage.  However she still smiles and waits patiently for the thousand photos we took (even I got fed up in the end).

It was a beautiful ceremony I have to admit and am happy we did it the proper way this time.  I loved the way she was dressed in my father's own Baptism dress.  I loved the names her Godparents chose and I loved having the family around.  Thank you for making this day- mother's day- so wonderful!

with my parents

the cake- my creation and so proud of it.  Teddy bear on top gift from my sister.

gorgeous smile of Maya Abigail Nicola Danielle

my beautiful family

trying to hold his sister

being Baptised

one of my favourites!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

It's a mother's life

A dedication to my children - Gregory Anthony & Maya Abigail who actually made this day possible!

It's an honour to be a mother!  A journey with unexpected curves.  Full of joy, laughter, sorrow, tears.  Full of wonders that change you, mould you, transform you.  Showing you your limits straight in the face and showing you the extended reserves you never knew you had.

Today, it's my children's day.....
my son - he is seen as "naughty" and I see him full of  love for life. 

my daughter - always smiling with those beautiful eyes


...because they make life so much better.  I am fulfilled and happy.

There are moments of quietness.

Its 7.30 pm the kids are both in bed sleeping.  Our long day has ended and I can enjoy the restful quietness that envelops our home.  I go to sleep feeling tired, maybe even exhausted but it was a good day....it is always a good day because we were given the opportunity to live it.

There are moments of laughter.

We are on the roof.  Maya lying down on a carpet looking at life passing by, Gregory playing with soil, snails and big cars.  I hang the clothes, grab one of his cars and go running after him.  His shrieks of laughter mingle with my screaming of joy and his request for again don't stop.  Maya can be seen smiling at us and once we talk to her those sweet smiles grow wider. 

There are moments of tears & despair.

He is playing with his toys and suddenly wants to watch TV.  I refuse because I do not believe in watching a lot of TV.  He starts to throw toys about, I say that if it continues the toys will be thrown away but he resists and so I do as I said I would.  He cries, thrashes, screams.  She starts crying to tired but resisting to sleep.  I loose it, start sreaming myself, demanding my son to stop it.  Not wanting to see any reason myself, I shake him and he cries harder, comes for comfort and I reject him and suddenly my eyes open up...how guilty I feel, how desperate for not seeing earlier.  I am deflated- I scoop up my son and calm him down.  Tell him how sorry I was, that I am not alowed to do what I did. I cry with him, hug him and kiss him.

There are moments of stillness.

I sit in their room.  My son playing with cars, my daughter on her gym mat.  Engrossed in their play.  I look at them so sweet, so young, so full of life.  I wish to give them so much and yet I know I can't give them all. A picture forms in my mind and thank God for giving me this moment.


Thursday, May 26, 2011

clearly mine

This little guy, with that precious smile is labelled as naughty and aggressive.  Not many say so but their look says it all as they see my spirited child run, scream and simply enjoying life.

He can be tiring yes; and he can also make me loose myself in anger.  Yet I can never give him such cruel labels.  I find myself telling people that no he is not naughty and they insist and there are these moments were I feel like arguing with them that because he does not fit in the image of how children should act doesn't mean he is naughty.  However, I never do it in the end I just insist that he ain't so!

This little guy, is my unbinder.  He can push my buttons in a second and yet resets them just as quickly.  His development I can measure in strides not paces.  No he is not complaint especially if we are out in public.  No he is not silent and sits quietly if we take him to Church.  He loves to play with peers in an aggressive way ( pushing each other , falling on each other, throwing cushions and so on)- what I call the boys' way.  I try to redirect him, give him focus and explain that he should be gentler and he is.  However, when he gets happy and excited he forgets the gentleness :)


This little guy, has taught me so much on parenting(and still does).  Has showed me ways, given me back my lost imagination, made me proof to myself that I can be patient as much as I cared to be because when I am not, I am doing a conscious choice not to control myself most of the time.  He's made me loose faith and regain it, loose strength and redouble it, doubt myself till I find myself more confident in my endeavours.  He is the one with whom I can see clearly because he forces me to in order to understand him.

My man, my boy, my baby!

Monday, May 23, 2011

A BIG thank you is due!

I have made a friend.  One which sustains me in my parental journey more than I can ever express.

I am so glad to have found her and I thank you if you read this because my inner strength had been dissipating so much that I'd probably had started to give up by now.

This is grace no.101

102. ideas and more ideas
103. laughter during family time
104. my son saying sorry without any prompting when doing something unacceptable
105. awareness

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

a window in discipline

I have this window increasingly open lately.

Where I am either seeing myself doing what I do not wish to be doing and yet incapable of stopping myself or else being able to look at myself and my children and be able to discern how grave the situation is before I react and so setting us all free from any unwanted grief.

The awareness of it makes me giddy.  Because when the first happens I am able to see over and over where my trigger is that makes me loose control of my emotions.  Finding a way to explain it simply to my son (that is to excuse my impulsiveness and loss of control) is still difficult but I do try!  Yet I can forgive myself rather than feel excessive guilt about it.  God has made me imprefect and loves me so and so how can I not forgive my own imperfections and giving Him praise for making me glare at them straight in the face and providing me with ways to eventually perfect my own emotional control?

And when the latter happens, I praise God even more for helping in providing us with this golden moment of clarity that gives us so much joy.

It takes practice and a lot of reminding to stay aware and focused on any situation...in every second of your day, to look at it with perspective.  Its not easy but it gets easier everyday and when I get these moments I realise that I am getting closer to my objective and can provide my children with a wholesome start in life.
Parenting is so much more than just telling your child what he should and shouldn't do.  The complexity I discovered is so big that frankly I can't explain it.  At every given moment you have to look at what the child is thinking and then react accordingly and not look at it from your own perspective which is completely distorted.  We have to be careful because everything we do is being imprinted on our little ones either good or bad.....and above all this, while loving them unconditionally, we must remember that these little gifts are only given to us to help them grow and spread their wings and that we are not their owners.  We can't keep them, we must find it within us to help them grow, be near and yet far away.

Our children are a treasure which we must give away.  A treasure we have to take deep care of.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

divorce for or against?

At the moment here in Malta this is the main discussion everywhere as we prepare to go for a referendum to introduce or ban divorce forever in our country.

I am against divorce myself!  However, it irkes me to see both the pro and against movements giving what I believe to be silly arguments about the issue.

So 2 things the pro movement says is that ...
1. you are guaranteed maintanance money- how can they guarantee such a thing? its never possible!  There are many complex things that make up this possibility and even if you take the person to court and they are given a prison sentence the point remains that you are not given the said money and you won't!  So telling people that this is a guarantee is immoral.
2.  there is this billboard with a woman sporting a black eye (purpurting to abuse) and saying would you give your daughter another chance?  truth be said everyone would!  BUT if I am giving my daughter that privilege I am also giving it to the abuser unless they will be doing something in a way that whoever is thinking of remarrying with the said person knows he/she has a  history of abuse.  IF a person is abused I think the Church and state should simply nullify the marriage without hiccups.

The against movement on the other hand is saying that without divorce we have a more stable marriage.  Hmmm I tend to differ.  A stable marriage happens because the couple is willing to work VERY HARD at their relationship!  Making the effort every day to meet and get to know their partner.  That being said, there are still marriages that end up broken and not because they didn't do so but because they reached a natural end- yes this can happen!

I still do not believe divorce is the solution.  I think it should all stem from the very beginning....the way we are brought up!  Values are mostly forgotten nowadays.  Parents feel lost and incapable of caring for their children at times.  Too much pressure and they give them whatever whenever just to please them and shake off their guilty feelings.  So most of us are brought up wanting everything there and than without hassles and if there is we sulk and go away.  Well a marriage can't happen this way.  You must work for it and at it from the moment you decide to take that particular step.

For divorce to enter and be allowed to enter, I believe there must be very strict and complicated rules for it.  However since this is not quite possible as none want such a hassle, divorce should be banned.

As Christians we should follow our instinct.  Jesus once said that divorce was given to humans by humans because of their stubbornness not because God accepts it.  I think its true....we are stubborn all of us and that is why we want divorce- to feel more in control over issues we have no control on.  Yet, no guarantees are given still and that leap of faith you do in marriage will have to happen every time you get married again....and would you do so ?

Monday, May 9, 2011

I am gorgeous

me and Dave on our 5th wedding anniversary this April.
For the past few weeks, whenever I look at the mirror or see my photos, I think I look fabalous!
Guess it sounds a bit pompous of me to say so, but its the truth. I am the most me now at age 30.  I am happy and confident.  I do not have the perfect body as portrayed by the media and brainwashed into our minds.  Yet I do have a perfect body- one that is made specifically for me! 

And I am so proud and lucky to have it and enjoy it.  I hope that you to can feel in tune with your body and enjoy this moment.

Maya's Baptism

Maya's day was oh soooooo different from Gregory's.  Let's start with the fact that we had a full ceremony including mass (with Greg we just did the ceremony).  Let's continue by saying that with Gregory although we only did the ceremony which lasted approx 30 mins max, by the time half of it was over he was howling like a banshee as he was tired, hungry and had a dirty diaper.  This resulted in simply 2 photos of the occassion with not one which came looking good!

Fast forward 2 years....we have the full ceremony with mass and Maya is quiet all the way through.  She is tired and tried to sleep but due to noise didn't manage.  However she still smiles and waits patiently for the thousand photos we took (even I got fed up in the end).

It was a beautiful ceremony I have to admit and am happy we did it the proper way this time.  I loved the way she was dressed in my father's own Baptism dress.  I loved the names her Godparents chose and I loved having the family around.  Thank you for making this day- mother's day- so wonderful!

with my parents

the cake- my creation and so proud of it.  Teddy bear on top gift from my sister.

gorgeous smile of Maya Abigail Nicola Danielle

my beautiful family

trying to hold his sister

being Baptised

one of my favourites!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

It's a mother's life

A dedication to my children - Gregory Anthony & Maya Abigail who actually made this day possible!

It's an honour to be a mother!  A journey with unexpected curves.  Full of joy, laughter, sorrow, tears.  Full of wonders that change you, mould you, transform you.  Showing you your limits straight in the face and showing you the extended reserves you never knew you had.

Today, it's my children's day.....
my son - he is seen as "naughty" and I see him full of  love for life. 

my daughter - always smiling with those beautiful eyes


...because they make life so much better.  I am fulfilled and happy.

There are moments of quietness.

Its 7.30 pm the kids are both in bed sleeping.  Our long day has ended and I can enjoy the restful quietness that envelops our home.  I go to sleep feeling tired, maybe even exhausted but it was a good day....it is always a good day because we were given the opportunity to live it.

There are moments of laughter.

We are on the roof.  Maya lying down on a carpet looking at life passing by, Gregory playing with soil, snails and big cars.  I hang the clothes, grab one of his cars and go running after him.  His shrieks of laughter mingle with my screaming of joy and his request for again don't stop.  Maya can be seen smiling at us and once we talk to her those sweet smiles grow wider. 

There are moments of tears & despair.

He is playing with his toys and suddenly wants to watch TV.  I refuse because I do not believe in watching a lot of TV.  He starts to throw toys about, I say that if it continues the toys will be thrown away but he resists and so I do as I said I would.  He cries, thrashes, screams.  She starts crying to tired but resisting to sleep.  I loose it, start sreaming myself, demanding my son to stop it.  Not wanting to see any reason myself, I shake him and he cries harder, comes for comfort and I reject him and suddenly my eyes open up...how guilty I feel, how desperate for not seeing earlier.  I am deflated- I scoop up my son and calm him down.  Tell him how sorry I was, that I am not alowed to do what I did. I cry with him, hug him and kiss him.

There are moments of stillness.

I sit in their room.  My son playing with cars, my daughter on her gym mat.  Engrossed in their play.  I look at them so sweet, so young, so full of life.  I wish to give them so much and yet I know I can't give them all. A picture forms in my mind and thank God for giving me this moment.