Thursday, February 12, 2015

The inner side of me

As I start my 3rd trimester, I internalise the heaviness of my body, the bigness it now is.

I slow down and move inward into myself as I prepare myself and my baby to birth.

We both know our roles, we both know it will be an amazing journey, we are both looking forward to actually see each other face to face.  To smell each other -  that sweet smell of mother and child just birthed and born.  To engage in our senses and let the rest of life pass us by as we drink from that unique moment of love.

I have a vision in my head, in all probability it will not all happen that way, but I'd like to think that life and God and his angels will move heaven and earth to let me experience a bit of that vision.

Our lives are once more changing and it is exciting to know we are on a wave that will take us where ever it wants for a while; until we find a footing and we will anchor our new dynamics and ideals and embrace the changes and the differences......terrifying but exciting!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Tough February

It gets tough at times.

Being 34 weeks pregnant, a ton of work, the house, the family........

My body and mind and every bit of my being is telling me to let it all go and breathe.

I am telling it to wait till the end of the month.

The truth is that I can't really wait that long.  I am exhausted and the whole family is having repercussions.

So in the midst of all this chaos I am starting to create space because even if I did not want to my mind is not co-operating and I find myself blank of what I need to do.

This should be the last week were I have something everyday.  As of next week I will have to keep a less busy schedule because my family including the coming baby is worth more than any work I am doing right now.  So maybe I am leaving it all at the worse possible moment but then I wonder when there is a good moment at all!

Today I am grateful: that I cooked a nice meal
that I cleaned the whole house
that my body sustained these rigours till I actually needed to do so
that I am now sitting in bed resting
that I yelled today, because it reminded me that I am taking on too much and my family needs me sane
that I am reading something for me not work related
that I am finding lots of support around me in every aspect of life
that despite my insecurities I am pushing through with my instinct most of the time
that life is sweeter than I anticipated

Thursday, February 12, 2015

The inner side of me

As I start my 3rd trimester, I internalise the heaviness of my body, the bigness it now is.

I slow down and move inward into myself as I prepare myself and my baby to birth.

We both know our roles, we both know it will be an amazing journey, we are both looking forward to actually see each other face to face.  To smell each other -  that sweet smell of mother and child just birthed and born.  To engage in our senses and let the rest of life pass us by as we drink from that unique moment of love.

I have a vision in my head, in all probability it will not all happen that way, but I'd like to think that life and God and his angels will move heaven and earth to let me experience a bit of that vision.

Our lives are once more changing and it is exciting to know we are on a wave that will take us where ever it wants for a while; until we find a footing and we will anchor our new dynamics and ideals and embrace the changes and the differences......terrifying but exciting!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Tough February

It gets tough at times.

Being 34 weeks pregnant, a ton of work, the house, the family........

My body and mind and every bit of my being is telling me to let it all go and breathe.

I am telling it to wait till the end of the month.

The truth is that I can't really wait that long.  I am exhausted and the whole family is having repercussions.

So in the midst of all this chaos I am starting to create space because even if I did not want to my mind is not co-operating and I find myself blank of what I need to do.

This should be the last week were I have something everyday.  As of next week I will have to keep a less busy schedule because my family including the coming baby is worth more than any work I am doing right now.  So maybe I am leaving it all at the worse possible moment but then I wonder when there is a good moment at all!

Today I am grateful: that I cooked a nice meal
that I cleaned the whole house
that my body sustained these rigours till I actually needed to do so
that I am now sitting in bed resting
that I yelled today, because it reminded me that I am taking on too much and my family needs me sane
that I am reading something for me not work related
that I am finding lots of support around me in every aspect of life
that despite my insecurities I am pushing through with my instinct most of the time
that life is sweeter than I anticipated