Friday, February 10, 2012

Communicating Feelings

How do you express sadness over events that happened in an appropiate way?

I do not know myself-My little man needs a lot of communication skills to learn and yet unless I learn them myself first, he will not get there himself.

So today I struggle.  Struggle to understand why the sadness I felt this morning over Greg hurtng myself and Maya.  The sadness of expressing his own anger in aggression, was expressed by myself as anger and aggression.  Can you see a pattern?

Yeah I am the one who is teaching him the bad ways while advocating he shouldn't do it!  Truthfully I forgive myself for this transgression and am happy to know that I am aware of it.  BUT how do I change it to non violent action and positive teaching?

-Sigh- I have no idea.  With Greg being in school, I haven't had a lot of episodes like this.  Today being a holiday we woke up all in arms and getting at  each other.  It saddened me because I do not want his days at home to be full of anger and resentment and aggression.

I will sit with this question today, ask for guidance and let it churn in my head.  An answer will surely come forth.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Trust and Surrender- the real face of it

Its a hard lesson I learnt today.

This year I chose a word or rather words that marked my path for 2012 and those words were trust and surrender.

Gregory was ready to go to school.  He wanted to even today while clutching to me he wanted to stay.  But of course it is hard to jump into the unknown.  So imagine a 3 yr old having to do this- something WE find extremely difficult to do ourselves.

Today I learnt my lesson the hard way- it was me who had to cut him loose.  It was me who had to show him that I trusted him, his teacher, his whole school and that he can be fine without me.  I had to show him how to build that inner strength.  In actual fact I have already done all this in these 3 years and today, it was time to start the process of letting go.

A mother can make or break her son.  If I went for him earlier that the time the actual school ends (like it was suggested), it would have been for me not for him.  Because I missed him of course.  So I didn't go.  I am here waiting for the time to pass so I go pick him up.  If I cried, fussed and so on I would have shown lack of trust.

So today I learnt what real trust and surrender means.  I lifted my arms to God in heaven and told him that I trusted He will keep my son safe and  happy.  I told myself in a mantra that I gave my son the tools to be fine alone at school. And when my husband said that we are sure to get a phone call to pick him up I quickly said that we will not because Greg is happy to go to school.  That he has to trust him and be positive!

Its hard, very hard, to know that after 9 months in your womb and 3 years living attached to you, you must begin the process of letting him grow. That unless I pushed him towards this path he will flounder and won't cross the bridge.

Today was indeed a hard lesson.  However, it was a blessing of lesson and I am grateful that we did it and that in 30 minutes we can reconnect and tell each other what happened.

I am now looking forward to this new era - just me and Maya, being more relaxed and having more time to reflect.

1st day of school




My heart beats wildly
Temper flares
A thumping head
Scalding eyes

My fingers tremble
As I feed him b'fast
I am so proud
Yet falling to pieces

He clutches to me
Not wanting me to leave
I soothe him down
Holding back tears

My last goodbye
And I leave
Hearing him howling behind
I don't look back

My heart beats wildly
My scalding eyes
I nurse my lil' one to sleep
And my tears flow.

The house feels empty
His toys strewn around
That ache in my heart
Of strings starting to cut loose

Tears follow tears
But I know..
I gave him the tools to adapt
And he'll be fine!



Friday, February 10, 2012

Communicating Feelings

How do you express sadness over events that happened in an appropiate way?

I do not know myself-My little man needs a lot of communication skills to learn and yet unless I learn them myself first, he will not get there himself.

So today I struggle.  Struggle to understand why the sadness I felt this morning over Greg hurtng myself and Maya.  The sadness of expressing his own anger in aggression, was expressed by myself as anger and aggression.  Can you see a pattern?

Yeah I am the one who is teaching him the bad ways while advocating he shouldn't do it!  Truthfully I forgive myself for this transgression and am happy to know that I am aware of it.  BUT how do I change it to non violent action and positive teaching?

-Sigh- I have no idea.  With Greg being in school, I haven't had a lot of episodes like this.  Today being a holiday we woke up all in arms and getting at  each other.  It saddened me because I do not want his days at home to be full of anger and resentment and aggression.

I will sit with this question today, ask for guidance and let it churn in my head.  An answer will surely come forth.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Trust and Surrender- the real face of it

Its a hard lesson I learnt today.

This year I chose a word or rather words that marked my path for 2012 and those words were trust and surrender.

Gregory was ready to go to school.  He wanted to even today while clutching to me he wanted to stay.  But of course it is hard to jump into the unknown.  So imagine a 3 yr old having to do this- something WE find extremely difficult to do ourselves.

Today I learnt my lesson the hard way- it was me who had to cut him loose.  It was me who had to show him that I trusted him, his teacher, his whole school and that he can be fine without me.  I had to show him how to build that inner strength.  In actual fact I have already done all this in these 3 years and today, it was time to start the process of letting go.

A mother can make or break her son.  If I went for him earlier that the time the actual school ends (like it was suggested), it would have been for me not for him.  Because I missed him of course.  So I didn't go.  I am here waiting for the time to pass so I go pick him up.  If I cried, fussed and so on I would have shown lack of trust.

So today I learnt what real trust and surrender means.  I lifted my arms to God in heaven and told him that I trusted He will keep my son safe and  happy.  I told myself in a mantra that I gave my son the tools to be fine alone at school. And when my husband said that we are sure to get a phone call to pick him up I quickly said that we will not because Greg is happy to go to school.  That he has to trust him and be positive!

Its hard, very hard, to know that after 9 months in your womb and 3 years living attached to you, you must begin the process of letting him grow. That unless I pushed him towards this path he will flounder and won't cross the bridge.

Today was indeed a hard lesson.  However, it was a blessing of lesson and I am grateful that we did it and that in 30 minutes we can reconnect and tell each other what happened.

I am now looking forward to this new era - just me and Maya, being more relaxed and having more time to reflect.

1st day of school




My heart beats wildly
Temper flares
A thumping head
Scalding eyes

My fingers tremble
As I feed him b'fast
I am so proud
Yet falling to pieces

He clutches to me
Not wanting me to leave
I soothe him down
Holding back tears

My last goodbye
And I leave
Hearing him howling behind
I don't look back

My heart beats wildly
My scalding eyes
I nurse my lil' one to sleep
And my tears flow.

The house feels empty
His toys strewn around
That ache in my heart
Of strings starting to cut loose

Tears follow tears
But I know..
I gave him the tools to adapt
And he'll be fine!