Monday, January 21, 2013

It's his 4th birthday

4 years ago today I gave birth to beautiful baby boy.
This is him today.......I can't fathom how time flew by.

He wanted a spider as a cake.  He told me this a year ago, just after his third birthday and it didn't change since.

He has a funny laugh - I always laugh myself when I hear him.  Sometimes I tell him to laugh again just to hear it and laugh again myself.  He is still much self-centered and its rare the occasions he shares his precious toys (or gives back what he took from his sister for that matter).  He is still prone to tantrums when things don't go his way and yet he has changed so much in subtler ways.

Like when he shouts and jumps to show his anger instead of hitting or biting.  Like sitting quietly throughout the whole Mass celebration.  Like insisting on something and when the time comes does as I asked him to.  Like showing us affection every day and all the time he is with us.  

Gregory is quite me in every single cell of his being and while he never quite imitated what I or others did like Maya does at the moment, he has absorbed it all and is showing it now and so I am please to see that the changes I have been trying to effect on myself are also rubbing on to him.

Many a time he tells me he doesn't want to grow or to study.  He just wants to be home with me and remain a baby and in these moments I see his uncertainty on life.  His eagerness yet fear of what it all means.

There are many days still where I am drained trying to teach him and than there are days like yesterday, where we smiled and had great fun.

You were my first and as my first you are my sunshine, my soul and fiber   You showed me what motherhood meant.  You showed me quite clearly and made me feel ashamed of my faults as a mother and because of you I chose the extremely difficult road to change.  And changing I am thanks to you and now also to your lovely sister and I can't thank you enough for all that you are teaching me day in and day out.

Love you lots!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Happy Birthday Maya


 My baby is no longer a baby and I can't quite call her a toddler either.
She is 2 today but I quite forget she is that age and many a time think she is a year older.


Maya has always been eager to catch up with her brother.  Now at age 2 - although there is 2 years between them - you don't quite see much difference between them.

She talks just as much as he does and understands just as much as you and I.  She runs, walks and is proud to have learnt how to jump as well.  She loves puzzles and books and mostly being told stories.  She enjoys copying every single bit of what we are doing.  So conversely, if my son says he doesn't like to eat something she refuses to eat it herself.  If I am swinging with my legs across, she will do the same.

Maya loves to sing and dance.  She can count and can recognize a few of the letters.  she adores dressing up and to be the complete opposite of her brother to eat sweets :)

My girl is very sensitive and quite confident yet very much attached to me.  She has an easy smile and will kiss and hug and say I love you quite often.  She is quite patient and doesn't mind sharing and she just loves children her age or younger and you will often see her going to hug any stranger's child she likes.

Maya has shown me a complete different life to what I was used to with Greg.  She balances him out completely and makes our lives more complete.

Happy 2nd Birthday baby girl!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

My Nanna Pawla

My soul is in pieces.

Fat tears prickles my eyes at any moment.

Because I am thinking of you dearest Nanna Pawla.  Thinking of you all the time.

Remembering the silent love you gave us.  The advise showered to us.  The simplicity of life you live that always humbled me.

I remember the weeks me and my cousin Daniela spent with you during the holidays.

You've been and are the best Nanna in the world and thinking of you now in that bed is more heartbreaking than actually knowing you are leaving us for good.

I've been praying The Lord to take away your pain and give you peace and at the same time I want you to remain here with us.  It is so, so hard saying goodbye and letting you go - even though we know you are going to a better place.

It is so hard......

Monday, January 21, 2013

It's his 4th birthday

4 years ago today I gave birth to beautiful baby boy.
This is him today.......I can't fathom how time flew by.

He wanted a spider as a cake.  He told me this a year ago, just after his third birthday and it didn't change since.

He has a funny laugh - I always laugh myself when I hear him.  Sometimes I tell him to laugh again just to hear it and laugh again myself.  He is still much self-centered and its rare the occasions he shares his precious toys (or gives back what he took from his sister for that matter).  He is still prone to tantrums when things don't go his way and yet he has changed so much in subtler ways.

Like when he shouts and jumps to show his anger instead of hitting or biting.  Like sitting quietly throughout the whole Mass celebration.  Like insisting on something and when the time comes does as I asked him to.  Like showing us affection every day and all the time he is with us.  

Gregory is quite me in every single cell of his being and while he never quite imitated what I or others did like Maya does at the moment, he has absorbed it all and is showing it now and so I am please to see that the changes I have been trying to effect on myself are also rubbing on to him.

Many a time he tells me he doesn't want to grow or to study.  He just wants to be home with me and remain a baby and in these moments I see his uncertainty on life.  His eagerness yet fear of what it all means.

There are many days still where I am drained trying to teach him and than there are days like yesterday, where we smiled and had great fun.

You were my first and as my first you are my sunshine, my soul and fiber   You showed me what motherhood meant.  You showed me quite clearly and made me feel ashamed of my faults as a mother and because of you I chose the extremely difficult road to change.  And changing I am thanks to you and now also to your lovely sister and I can't thank you enough for all that you are teaching me day in and day out.

Love you lots!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Happy Birthday Maya


 My baby is no longer a baby and I can't quite call her a toddler either.
She is 2 today but I quite forget she is that age and many a time think she is a year older.


Maya has always been eager to catch up with her brother.  Now at age 2 - although there is 2 years between them - you don't quite see much difference between them.

She talks just as much as he does and understands just as much as you and I.  She runs, walks and is proud to have learnt how to jump as well.  She loves puzzles and books and mostly being told stories.  She enjoys copying every single bit of what we are doing.  So conversely, if my son says he doesn't like to eat something she refuses to eat it herself.  If I am swinging with my legs across, she will do the same.

Maya loves to sing and dance.  She can count and can recognize a few of the letters.  she adores dressing up and to be the complete opposite of her brother to eat sweets :)

My girl is very sensitive and quite confident yet very much attached to me.  She has an easy smile and will kiss and hug and say I love you quite often.  She is quite patient and doesn't mind sharing and she just loves children her age or younger and you will often see her going to hug any stranger's child she likes.

Maya has shown me a complete different life to what I was used to with Greg.  She balances him out completely and makes our lives more complete.

Happy 2nd Birthday baby girl!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

My Nanna Pawla

My soul is in pieces.

Fat tears prickles my eyes at any moment.

Because I am thinking of you dearest Nanna Pawla.  Thinking of you all the time.

Remembering the silent love you gave us.  The advise showered to us.  The simplicity of life you live that always humbled me.

I remember the weeks me and my cousin Daniela spent with you during the holidays.

You've been and are the best Nanna in the world and thinking of you now in that bed is more heartbreaking than actually knowing you are leaving us for good.

I've been praying The Lord to take away your pain and give you peace and at the same time I want you to remain here with us.  It is so, so hard saying goodbye and letting you go - even though we know you are going to a better place.

It is so hard......