Sunday, January 30, 2011

Splitting up

Being a mother of two is not an easy job.
Right now Maya isn't really demanding of her time since she sleeps most of the time, however, splitting in two to give each their required time is a heart breaking experience every time.  Especially if they are both crying and you need to prioritize who is more important at the time.

I do not feel like I am a good mother right now.  I am doing my best and I am coping well.  however, there is something within me that makes me sad and horribly anxious and because of this all the family is suffering.
I am probably asking too much to have us settled within two weeks of Maya's birth, yet it would be nice to feel more firm ground.

I try and leave my worries in God's hands but its very difficult to just do that and so I pray- pray that my patience will grow, my anger will dwindle and my love overwhelm the whole family.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

a little baby but a big man

There are these moments, where I look at Greg and see this big grown person.  I listen to him telling me the stories of cartoons he's been watching, or things that he remembers happened and wonder at his ever increasing ways that he is distancing from baby/toddlerhood.

Yet, I also see through his eyes the baby I still got.  The one who asks for help to go down stairs, or lets me feed him.  The nappy I still change and the breast I lovingly give him.  I look at him sleeping, and once more I find my little baby.

He is my first born.....the one to first pierce my motherhood heart.  I love him immensely!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Gregory at 2 years

He is 2 today!

Although I used to think that life is passing quickly prior to kids, now I see it flying.  Just wait till you have your own and you will see....frankly I got no idea how its already been 2 years and that next year I can send him to kindergarten.

Anyhow, I am meant to write about my baby boy- because at 2 he is still a baby that needs so much attention and love.

Greg at 2 is trying to talk in actual sentences not just 2 word phrases.  He says new words everyday- either heard from us or from his current DVD.  He is super attached to all his grandparents (in fact he mentions them all the time and when it s time to leave we normaly always have a short tantrum) and LOVES to meet up with his cousin Rebecca (even his other cousin but he mentions more Rebecca!).  His favourite past time is still going out in the countryside and getting dirty- well not intentionally but he enjoys playing with soil, water etc :)

At home, he loves to play with cars mostly, read books and draw.  He also enjoys watching his DVDs - at the moment Dora!  He likes to help me around the house especially sweeping and cleaning the bath. Oh and cooking or rather cutting up veg.  He is starting once more to try foods that usually he just refuses like banana and cake to mention 2.  He didn't fancy the banana but the cake said yummy LOL.  Practically he understands both Maltese and English and am quite impressed with him lately.  He is saying his numbers till 10 in both languages, knows the ABCs, can distinguish the colours & also a few shapes.

With the arrival of his new sister last week, Greg became more sensitive and of course asks for me a lot.  We've been having once more nap problems coz of this and therefore more tantrums etc due to overtiredness.  However its starting to calm down slowly.  On the other hand he loves his baby sister and is all the time patting her nice and kissing her.  He is asking a couple of times a day the breast which is conforting him in this moment of unbalance and I do not mind.

My sweet baby is growing too quickly not just in age and so I savour this moment where he is snuggled to me to sleep, when he asks for the breast and looks at me with those beautiful eyes all enquiring, when he tantrums that he only wants mama to get him to sleep and my heart breaks if I can't.  I miss our moments alone and yet I know we will forge new ways to enjoy silent moments together.

My Gregory is two today and I am so happy to have had 2 wonderful years with him so far.  May God give us many more years of these!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Its a matter of me & myself

This was a long pregnancy.  It doesn't matter that there were a lot of different things than last time (like caring for a toddler), it was very long!
It was as I have been saying now for 9 months plus very very tiring! So after having an intense active labour, I admit I was surprised to not quite feel tired but exceptionally full of energy and health.  As soon as she was birthed, I felt light again and ready to tackle the world.  I still feel this way and that is why I am impatient- impatient for my body to fully recover, to get back in shape, to be completely me again.
In reality, the old me I know, will never be back and I know it.  The new me is a mother of 2.  With a few scars along the way.  With a lot of road to catch up right now and make good all the bad that happened in the last 9 months or so.  She is now truly a woman .  When I look at the mirror there isn't the young woman anymore.  There is this subtle change and I feel it, embrace it and can't wait to feel that wholesomeness soon.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

1000 graces from God 51 - 60

51. a healthy new addition to the family
52. a son who enjoys making nice and kissing his new sister
53. a quick birth
54. a WONDERFUL birth experience
55. seeing the new father's joy on the birth of his baby girl
56. feeling light & healthy again
57. enjoying a walk, washing my son & playing once more with him
58. unrecognised feelings from Gregory that send him in tilt
59. finding slowly my centre again
60. a family bed that feels complete

So many graces right now :) what are you thankful, grateful of right now?

Monday, January 17, 2011

at home with 2

I was afraid.
Afraid of the crying baby I had just birthed.
How strange, but for those first few minutes I was.  My life and routine were going to be turned upside down and my worrying on Gregory of how he will all take it was a stress hardly contained.  Besides, although it wasn't such a long time ago that I did the newborn routine, I felt inadequately lost.

Than I breastfed her andalthough I still had misgivings, I knew will do fine.
The weekend though was stressful.  It is my enemy aometimes and I was completely out of sorts.
It's Monday today and life is getting simpler again and finding a routine.  We had a wonderful morning and am looking forward to the rest of the week.

I feel more healthy and energetic than ever before and loved my morning walk with the kids.  I enjoyed busying myself with house chores and juggling both kids' needs.  and when Gregory asked for the breast, I gave it to him.... it felt good having him there once more and baby Maya on the other haha.

Hubs is enchanted with his little girl and is at home with us enjoying the new family and I can't ask more than this.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Maya Abigail

Maya Abigail, born on the 14 January @ 0920 hrs



Took to the breast straight away and loves to suck at them.

Her other big hobby is sleeping and doing so preferably on mummy or daddy.

a couple of hours after birth when we were settling down in the ward
A sweet new addition to the family.
And this is grace no 50!  A wonderful healthy baby.



Monday, January 10, 2011

Another week

Yeah, Thursday next week I am meant to give birth to my new child which has been incredibly active, tiresome, achy, hungry and moody in these nine months.

Notwithstanding all this, I can't help a few questions which were never answered in my last pregnancy due to him being induced:
  1. Will this babe be early by a few days, on time or late?
  2. When will the contractions start- while at home in the morning, afternoon or night; while out and about or what?
  3. How will we all react with calmness, nervousness, anxiety...?
Another question which isn't however part of the never answered series, is, will it be another quick birth or a long one? 

There are moments were it seems the focus on the baby is simply pushed towards me.  Something that I am trying to avoid coz at times I get the feeling the more you focus on something the less quickly it happens.  But apart for my strangeness in these equations, I am in good health.  I can't really complain as my pregnancy was plain sailing as such.  But boy, do I look forward to a lighter and skinnier me again?

I dream- I dream of being me again, of buying clothes which I am in desperate need, of being able to run, do yoga, clean the house and bake without feeling exhausted within 5 minutes.  I dream of playing with my son again the way he expects me to do and not just read stories to him or plunk him in front of the TV.

Another week is all it takes if my angel makes a move- given a message from above that its time to meet the world- another week and our lives will once more be irrevocably changed!

Friday, January 7, 2011

grace no 49 -the anger challenge

I am humbled by my son.  He shows me how the grace of God works in young children and how we as parents tend to twist it and deviate all their good intentions.

I admit I am anger prone and although my patience and my control increased drastically with the birth of Gregory, I tend to have quite a few outbursts.  This pregnancy especially stretched my limits way too much and been having more outbursts than before which bugs me a lot and yet couldn't control myself.

So while thanking God for a son who comes for reassurance even after I shout and scream like a maniac, I decided this is the year where I curb my anger once and for all.  It's been a good week things considered, however we did have a major meltdown today.  It made me feel really bad about it and I hope to be back on track tomorrow.

Also decided to put up weekly posts (I hope) about this challenge just to help me keep track and possibly for encouragement :)

Sunday, January 2, 2011

new year giveaway

There is this lovely new blog ( in Italian) that from the few posts so far shows its wonderful authors' talents.  She is also doing a giveaway already for a lovely set of snowhite and the seven dwarfs set in felt.  If you wish to enter please follow this link - Eco Casa

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Splitting up

Being a mother of two is not an easy job.
Right now Maya isn't really demanding of her time since she sleeps most of the time, however, splitting in two to give each their required time is a heart breaking experience every time.  Especially if they are both crying and you need to prioritize who is more important at the time.

I do not feel like I am a good mother right now.  I am doing my best and I am coping well.  however, there is something within me that makes me sad and horribly anxious and because of this all the family is suffering.
I am probably asking too much to have us settled within two weeks of Maya's birth, yet it would be nice to feel more firm ground.

I try and leave my worries in God's hands but its very difficult to just do that and so I pray- pray that my patience will grow, my anger will dwindle and my love overwhelm the whole family.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

a little baby but a big man

There are these moments, where I look at Greg and see this big grown person.  I listen to him telling me the stories of cartoons he's been watching, or things that he remembers happened and wonder at his ever increasing ways that he is distancing from baby/toddlerhood.

Yet, I also see through his eyes the baby I still got.  The one who asks for help to go down stairs, or lets me feed him.  The nappy I still change and the breast I lovingly give him.  I look at him sleeping, and once more I find my little baby.

He is my first born.....the one to first pierce my motherhood heart.  I love him immensely!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Gregory at 2 years

He is 2 today!

Although I used to think that life is passing quickly prior to kids, now I see it flying.  Just wait till you have your own and you will see....frankly I got no idea how its already been 2 years and that next year I can send him to kindergarten.

Anyhow, I am meant to write about my baby boy- because at 2 he is still a baby that needs so much attention and love.

Greg at 2 is trying to talk in actual sentences not just 2 word phrases.  He says new words everyday- either heard from us or from his current DVD.  He is super attached to all his grandparents (in fact he mentions them all the time and when it s time to leave we normaly always have a short tantrum) and LOVES to meet up with his cousin Rebecca (even his other cousin but he mentions more Rebecca!).  His favourite past time is still going out in the countryside and getting dirty- well not intentionally but he enjoys playing with soil, water etc :)

At home, he loves to play with cars mostly, read books and draw.  He also enjoys watching his DVDs - at the moment Dora!  He likes to help me around the house especially sweeping and cleaning the bath. Oh and cooking or rather cutting up veg.  He is starting once more to try foods that usually he just refuses like banana and cake to mention 2.  He didn't fancy the banana but the cake said yummy LOL.  Practically he understands both Maltese and English and am quite impressed with him lately.  He is saying his numbers till 10 in both languages, knows the ABCs, can distinguish the colours & also a few shapes.

With the arrival of his new sister last week, Greg became more sensitive and of course asks for me a lot.  We've been having once more nap problems coz of this and therefore more tantrums etc due to overtiredness.  However its starting to calm down slowly.  On the other hand he loves his baby sister and is all the time patting her nice and kissing her.  He is asking a couple of times a day the breast which is conforting him in this moment of unbalance and I do not mind.

My sweet baby is growing too quickly not just in age and so I savour this moment where he is snuggled to me to sleep, when he asks for the breast and looks at me with those beautiful eyes all enquiring, when he tantrums that he only wants mama to get him to sleep and my heart breaks if I can't.  I miss our moments alone and yet I know we will forge new ways to enjoy silent moments together.

My Gregory is two today and I am so happy to have had 2 wonderful years with him so far.  May God give us many more years of these!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Its a matter of me & myself

This was a long pregnancy.  It doesn't matter that there were a lot of different things than last time (like caring for a toddler), it was very long!
It was as I have been saying now for 9 months plus very very tiring! So after having an intense active labour, I admit I was surprised to not quite feel tired but exceptionally full of energy and health.  As soon as she was birthed, I felt light again and ready to tackle the world.  I still feel this way and that is why I am impatient- impatient for my body to fully recover, to get back in shape, to be completely me again.
In reality, the old me I know, will never be back and I know it.  The new me is a mother of 2.  With a few scars along the way.  With a lot of road to catch up right now and make good all the bad that happened in the last 9 months or so.  She is now truly a woman .  When I look at the mirror there isn't the young woman anymore.  There is this subtle change and I feel it, embrace it and can't wait to feel that wholesomeness soon.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

1000 graces from God 51 - 60

51. a healthy new addition to the family
52. a son who enjoys making nice and kissing his new sister
53. a quick birth
54. a WONDERFUL birth experience
55. seeing the new father's joy on the birth of his baby girl
56. feeling light & healthy again
57. enjoying a walk, washing my son & playing once more with him
58. unrecognised feelings from Gregory that send him in tilt
59. finding slowly my centre again
60. a family bed that feels complete

So many graces right now :) what are you thankful, grateful of right now?

Monday, January 17, 2011

at home with 2

I was afraid.
Afraid of the crying baby I had just birthed.
How strange, but for those first few minutes I was.  My life and routine were going to be turned upside down and my worrying on Gregory of how he will all take it was a stress hardly contained.  Besides, although it wasn't such a long time ago that I did the newborn routine, I felt inadequately lost.

Than I breastfed her andalthough I still had misgivings, I knew will do fine.
The weekend though was stressful.  It is my enemy aometimes and I was completely out of sorts.
It's Monday today and life is getting simpler again and finding a routine.  We had a wonderful morning and am looking forward to the rest of the week.

I feel more healthy and energetic than ever before and loved my morning walk with the kids.  I enjoyed busying myself with house chores and juggling both kids' needs.  and when Gregory asked for the breast, I gave it to him.... it felt good having him there once more and baby Maya on the other haha.

Hubs is enchanted with his little girl and is at home with us enjoying the new family and I can't ask more than this.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Maya Abigail

Maya Abigail, born on the 14 January @ 0920 hrs



Took to the breast straight away and loves to suck at them.

Her other big hobby is sleeping and doing so preferably on mummy or daddy.

a couple of hours after birth when we were settling down in the ward
A sweet new addition to the family.
And this is grace no 50!  A wonderful healthy baby.



Monday, January 10, 2011

Another week

Yeah, Thursday next week I am meant to give birth to my new child which has been incredibly active, tiresome, achy, hungry and moody in these nine months.

Notwithstanding all this, I can't help a few questions which were never answered in my last pregnancy due to him being induced:
  1. Will this babe be early by a few days, on time or late?
  2. When will the contractions start- while at home in the morning, afternoon or night; while out and about or what?
  3. How will we all react with calmness, nervousness, anxiety...?
Another question which isn't however part of the never answered series, is, will it be another quick birth or a long one? 

There are moments were it seems the focus on the baby is simply pushed towards me.  Something that I am trying to avoid coz at times I get the feeling the more you focus on something the less quickly it happens.  But apart for my strangeness in these equations, I am in good health.  I can't really complain as my pregnancy was plain sailing as such.  But boy, do I look forward to a lighter and skinnier me again?

I dream- I dream of being me again, of buying clothes which I am in desperate need, of being able to run, do yoga, clean the house and bake without feeling exhausted within 5 minutes.  I dream of playing with my son again the way he expects me to do and not just read stories to him or plunk him in front of the TV.

Another week is all it takes if my angel makes a move- given a message from above that its time to meet the world- another week and our lives will once more be irrevocably changed!

Friday, January 7, 2011

grace no 49 -the anger challenge

I am humbled by my son.  He shows me how the grace of God works in young children and how we as parents tend to twist it and deviate all their good intentions.

I admit I am anger prone and although my patience and my control increased drastically with the birth of Gregory, I tend to have quite a few outbursts.  This pregnancy especially stretched my limits way too much and been having more outbursts than before which bugs me a lot and yet couldn't control myself.

So while thanking God for a son who comes for reassurance even after I shout and scream like a maniac, I decided this is the year where I curb my anger once and for all.  It's been a good week things considered, however we did have a major meltdown today.  It made me feel really bad about it and I hope to be back on track tomorrow.

Also decided to put up weekly posts (I hope) about this challenge just to help me keep track and possibly for encouragement :)

Sunday, January 2, 2011

new year giveaway

There is this lovely new blog ( in Italian) that from the few posts so far shows its wonderful authors' talents.  She is also doing a giveaway already for a lovely set of snowhite and the seven dwarfs set in felt.  If you wish to enter please follow this link - Eco Casa