Sunday, November 14, 2010

Lost

My mind feels utterly full of unprocessed thoughts.

Thoughts I didn't know were there.....

Like many other days I woke up angry.  For what reason I have had no idea.  Anger directed to my husband and son.  I feel tired of doing so.  It is unneccessary, it only makes the people I love miserable and yet I can't control myself.

This morning having a few minutes alone, I put on my CD of Christian songs to clear my mind, asked God for his guidance and went into meditation.  I didn't quite meditate as lots of thoughts kept coming up to me.  At one point I felt inspired into poetry and suddenly it struck me why I am angry.

Angry, coz I cannot play with my son the way he'd love to and we most of the time end up in front of TV which I don't want to either.
Angry, coz I cannot clean my own home.  I love keeping it in shape but I have to let others do it for me.
Angry, coz I feel so utterly tired, that even an evening with friends ends up on a bad note.
Angry, coz all this makes me angry and uncontrolable and hurt the people I love, coz I judge them and think unrespectful thoughts of them.

So I am letting down my tears of anger....trusting Jesus to give me the strength to overcome these adversities.
Praying, that I haven't done much damage to my son's development with my bursts of anger.

My mind is still clogged, but I do feel that little bit lighter.  It's difficult to focus at times on the goals I wish for my family, still my faith will not let up, I know I will get there.

No comments:

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Lost

My mind feels utterly full of unprocessed thoughts.

Thoughts I didn't know were there.....

Like many other days I woke up angry.  For what reason I have had no idea.  Anger directed to my husband and son.  I feel tired of doing so.  It is unneccessary, it only makes the people I love miserable and yet I can't control myself.

This morning having a few minutes alone, I put on my CD of Christian songs to clear my mind, asked God for his guidance and went into meditation.  I didn't quite meditate as lots of thoughts kept coming up to me.  At one point I felt inspired into poetry and suddenly it struck me why I am angry.

Angry, coz I cannot play with my son the way he'd love to and we most of the time end up in front of TV which I don't want to either.
Angry, coz I cannot clean my own home.  I love keeping it in shape but I have to let others do it for me.
Angry, coz I feel so utterly tired, that even an evening with friends ends up on a bad note.
Angry, coz all this makes me angry and uncontrolable and hurt the people I love, coz I judge them and think unrespectful thoughts of them.

So I am letting down my tears of anger....trusting Jesus to give me the strength to overcome these adversities.
Praying, that I haven't done much damage to my son's development with my bursts of anger.

My mind is still clogged, but I do feel that little bit lighter.  It's difficult to focus at times on the goals I wish for my family, still my faith will not let up, I know I will get there.

No comments: