thinking, thoughts, too much of them

Got a heavy heart and a bad mood. The black hole is near to bug
me. I know it is but I do nothing to ward it off, to fight it. Life
sometimes needs a bit of black to see the beauty of the white at the end of that
tunnel. So many things clutter my head but no cohesive thought come
by....I wanted badly to gush out so many things driving back home from work, but
now my mind is a blank. Have these half formed thoughts that I know I want
to share but I can't express them into anything. When I try, they
disappear like rays of sun hiding behind the clouds.
Sounds quite depressing.....I haven't written something inspiring for a
bit, my moodiness is taking over. I had no possibility of travelling this
year, no time on my own (apart for a day yoga retreat which wasn't really alone
anyway) and its Summer so my energy levels are down!
Summer should be fun with a lot of things to go to and do....beach, feasts,
festivals, concerts, bbqs... but Summer was never my friend :) I prefer Winter,
with its cold yet sunny weather. Walks in the country, a picnic, hot
chocolate in a cafe, dvd nights with friends.....friends oh yes one of the
things cluttering my mind -sigh-have I changed so much since my pup was born? or is it that finally the real me is truly coming to the surface and find certain things tedious, annoying? I wonder...maybe tomorrow I will remember what I was meant to really write and have something more cheerful or at least less jumbled to post.