The waiting game is on

I was never a fan of waiting, although I got a good education in learning to wait.

This time round waiting for my little one to make a move is becoming quite a challenge at times.

Sometimes I get overly anxious and I wonder if this is truly my third pregnancy or should it be my first!  Things that never crossed my mind before run around the mill getting me to over think and wonder and worry.  Then my support reminds me of things that for some reason I seem to have forgotten and am reassured.

I remember to enjoy this moment and live in the now.  But I am being picky lately on many things and the now is just too much.  I can't live now if baby is not born :)

I meditate and hear my birthing CD and take time to relax and nap and do mostly nothing.  The kids sense my retreat and leave me be most of the time even if I can see it in their eyes the longing to come near, to play......it breaks my heart but at the same time I need to separate from them for a little bit.

So in between the chaos that has taken hold of my house, I breathe and remember that my body and baby know best.  I visibly relax and wait- and live the waiting game.  IT is soon, very soon, I can feel it in every fibre of my being but the when eludes me yet.  So I breathe and let go of everything because later I will have time to keep the house and play and laugh.  Now is the time to sit still and reflect and wait.

I am snappy and withdrawn but that is OK, because I am soon to bring earthside this little baby and I am needed more to live within rather then on the outside.

I was never good at going against my nature and instinct.  So expectations are flown out of the window.  I try to keep commitments but I know I am failing miserably because my instinct tells me to forget it all and I trust my inner voice.  It's exciting and tiring and the waiting- well it gives me time to reflect on a whole lot of things which are making more sense and are helping me change more into the woman I want to be- I am already but still in its budding state.

The mother goddess is awaiting eagerly because every wait, is worth it!