Wednesday, December 16, 2009

fear and surrender

Sometimes I realise that even now at the age of 28 I still try to make myself accepted. That I still feel out of place when I meet up with the girls. I fear the rejection and yet don't know how to get to be accepted. I laugh with them and talk but ultimately I don't feel one of them.

When I meet with my old schoolmates, I still feel like I am the odd one out. I realise how many things happened that I was never aware of .... was never asked to participate in. It hurts!

This fear has been with me since secondary school and although I tried to change many a time I never managed much. I realise that what I have to do is surrender.....accept that I am me an individual who doesn't compromise her true self to be liked and if I stop trying, eventually some amazing friends will emerge.

Now all I have to do is actually surrender but the ego is strong and not easily persuaded! In the meantime, I will continue with my refuge- the internet- which seems to provide with a lot of interesting characters and is much easier to befriend.....

5 comments:

Daniela GF said...

I do not know you a lot but from what I know, you have a great character and you do not have to feel bad about yourself...Look at what you have accomplished in life...You are married and have a lovely son. I'm sure that most of your friends are not happy as you are at the moment :)

Lorelle said...

I'm a little bit younger than you but I have similar feelings. I keep wondering if anyone really likes me. The truth is: I'm just different than most people, and that isn't a bad thing at all. It's a good thing. Unfortunately being different can be lonely. All I know is that I'm happy. Are you happy? If so than that is all that matters.

Amity Me said...

Hi Melissa;

I am so much older than you, almost twice our age, but I have this feeling that I like you very much and that you are a unique person, a happy and fun-to-be-with person. If we could have the chance to meet personally, I believe we would click.

What you are feeling is just but normal. Me, I try to live with that popular saying and I quote: 'you can not please everybody'....:)

I deal with people with my natural good self. No pretense. But they like me, maybe because I am a sweet and friendly one.

But just be you, don't act the part that you are not. The more you will fail in your relationships with other people if you do...:)

Good morning Melissa and hugs to your precocious GReggy...:)

Marie said...

I think everybody feels this way sometimes.
What really really helped me was to realize that God made me who I am for a reason. He has a specific purpose in mind for me and I am uniquely geared for it. Same for you!

Roxane said...

Anyone who doesn't like you doesn't deserve to have you in their lives! Trust me!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

fear and surrender

Sometimes I realise that even now at the age of 28 I still try to make myself accepted. That I still feel out of place when I meet up with the girls. I fear the rejection and yet don't know how to get to be accepted. I laugh with them and talk but ultimately I don't feel one of them.

When I meet with my old schoolmates, I still feel like I am the odd one out. I realise how many things happened that I was never aware of .... was never asked to participate in. It hurts!

This fear has been with me since secondary school and although I tried to change many a time I never managed much. I realise that what I have to do is surrender.....accept that I am me an individual who doesn't compromise her true self to be liked and if I stop trying, eventually some amazing friends will emerge.

Now all I have to do is actually surrender but the ego is strong and not easily persuaded! In the meantime, I will continue with my refuge- the internet- which seems to provide with a lot of interesting characters and is much easier to befriend.....

5 comments:

Daniela GF said...

I do not know you a lot but from what I know, you have a great character and you do not have to feel bad about yourself...Look at what you have accomplished in life...You are married and have a lovely son. I'm sure that most of your friends are not happy as you are at the moment :)

Lorelle said...

I'm a little bit younger than you but I have similar feelings. I keep wondering if anyone really likes me. The truth is: I'm just different than most people, and that isn't a bad thing at all. It's a good thing. Unfortunately being different can be lonely. All I know is that I'm happy. Are you happy? If so than that is all that matters.

Amity Me said...

Hi Melissa;

I am so much older than you, almost twice our age, but I have this feeling that I like you very much and that you are a unique person, a happy and fun-to-be-with person. If we could have the chance to meet personally, I believe we would click.

What you are feeling is just but normal. Me, I try to live with that popular saying and I quote: 'you can not please everybody'....:)

I deal with people with my natural good self. No pretense. But they like me, maybe because I am a sweet and friendly one.

But just be you, don't act the part that you are not. The more you will fail in your relationships with other people if you do...:)

Good morning Melissa and hugs to your precocious GReggy...:)

Marie said...

I think everybody feels this way sometimes.
What really really helped me was to realize that God made me who I am for a reason. He has a specific purpose in mind for me and I am uniquely geared for it. Same for you!

Roxane said...

Anyone who doesn't like you doesn't deserve to have you in their lives! Trust me!