Monday, August 3, 2009

and a month passed by

First July I went back to work....it is now 3rd August! A month passed by slow but quick...can you understand what I mean? It went really slow as everyday I went to work I thought of my little boy at home without me. I wasn't there to give him his first solid food and I wasn't there when he started standing on his own or whenever he decides to give that beautiful hearty laugh of his. Its a loss really no matter how I look at it! I feel jealous of his grandparents who get to spend most of their time with him and sometimes feel quite possessive when I get back home and I want him just for me, even if I am dead tired and in reality can't quite deal with him but I try damn hard to do so!


.....and yet a month did already pass and so will the others and I will eventually say I am not going back to work tomorrow I am going to spend the day with my puppy again forever more! But before I can do that I know it will get worse...when Dave goes back to work and we both arrive tired from work and our boy will be crawling all over the place and I will be irritated coz his caregivers will have done something I didn't wish them to do (I am sure it would be unintentionally but still...) and there will probably be a few sparks but they will pass slow yet quick and Christmas will reach us and after that we can all relax again and find a nice easy routine that fits our new roles.


I'd be lying if I said I am not looking forward to it but I am afraid at the same time. Will we settle down quickly in the new routine and will Greg be open to new things his mommy has in mind and will I cope fine or will a 1 year old feel suddenly too much for me? I really can't wait to find out....deep down I am confident I know I can do it but till I am actually doing it I know the doubts will carry on.





This month was a kind of trial for me. I had to find out what it felt like leaving your kid behind and even though the decision to stop working was made, I can now say that I am totally convinced of my decision if I weren't before. I figured, that spending 8 hours at work, its not me or Dave who will be parenting our child but the care giver. A caregiver who although I trust (being an aunt and his grandparents), I know they have completely different parenting styles than our own which me and Dave are not quite relaxed with. So you see, I can't really force them to do our style either! And that was reason enough for me to decide and stay at home with him.





I sigh and think how many challenges we will be facing and how many memories we will make to fill our days and how I hope that it will be me who see my puppy crawl first and hear him speak the first word.....I so so hope I will not loose out on these as well.





And also on a similar note, I read this post at 5 minutes for parenting which I felt I had to share with you...its called Sometimes parenting has little to do with children. Here is an excerpt from it:

We'd finished up the bedtime routine with both kids a little bit early, and
I'd already surreptitiously poured us each a glass of wine, lit a few candles,
and collected a warm, snuggly comforter from the basement and lay them, waiting,
near the glass door to the back porch.
I drank in the thrilled expression
that spread across his face..........

1 comment:

Alicia said...

i had such a hard time working when my oldest was a baby...it broke my heart...but when all is said and done, i have wonderful memories of him at that age and if anything, it made me appreciate my time with my kids so much more...i understand your struggle, i was there too one time, i hope it gets easier for you!

Monday, August 3, 2009

and a month passed by

First July I went back to work....it is now 3rd August! A month passed by slow but quick...can you understand what I mean? It went really slow as everyday I went to work I thought of my little boy at home without me. I wasn't there to give him his first solid food and I wasn't there when he started standing on his own or whenever he decides to give that beautiful hearty laugh of his. Its a loss really no matter how I look at it! I feel jealous of his grandparents who get to spend most of their time with him and sometimes feel quite possessive when I get back home and I want him just for me, even if I am dead tired and in reality can't quite deal with him but I try damn hard to do so!


.....and yet a month did already pass and so will the others and I will eventually say I am not going back to work tomorrow I am going to spend the day with my puppy again forever more! But before I can do that I know it will get worse...when Dave goes back to work and we both arrive tired from work and our boy will be crawling all over the place and I will be irritated coz his caregivers will have done something I didn't wish them to do (I am sure it would be unintentionally but still...) and there will probably be a few sparks but they will pass slow yet quick and Christmas will reach us and after that we can all relax again and find a nice easy routine that fits our new roles.


I'd be lying if I said I am not looking forward to it but I am afraid at the same time. Will we settle down quickly in the new routine and will Greg be open to new things his mommy has in mind and will I cope fine or will a 1 year old feel suddenly too much for me? I really can't wait to find out....deep down I am confident I know I can do it but till I am actually doing it I know the doubts will carry on.





This month was a kind of trial for me. I had to find out what it felt like leaving your kid behind and even though the decision to stop working was made, I can now say that I am totally convinced of my decision if I weren't before. I figured, that spending 8 hours at work, its not me or Dave who will be parenting our child but the care giver. A caregiver who although I trust (being an aunt and his grandparents), I know they have completely different parenting styles than our own which me and Dave are not quite relaxed with. So you see, I can't really force them to do our style either! And that was reason enough for me to decide and stay at home with him.





I sigh and think how many challenges we will be facing and how many memories we will make to fill our days and how I hope that it will be me who see my puppy crawl first and hear him speak the first word.....I so so hope I will not loose out on these as well.





And also on a similar note, I read this post at 5 minutes for parenting which I felt I had to share with you...its called Sometimes parenting has little to do with children. Here is an excerpt from it:

We'd finished up the bedtime routine with both kids a little bit early, and
I'd already surreptitiously poured us each a glass of wine, lit a few candles,
and collected a warm, snuggly comforter from the basement and lay them, waiting,
near the glass door to the back porch.
I drank in the thrilled expression
that spread across his face..........

1 comment:

Alicia said...

i had such a hard time working when my oldest was a baby...it broke my heart...but when all is said and done, i have wonderful memories of him at that age and if anything, it made me appreciate my time with my kids so much more...i understand your struggle, i was there too one time, i hope it gets easier for you!