Sometimes I realise that even now at the age of 28 I still try to make myself accepted. That I still feel out of place when I meet up with the girls. I fear the rejection and yet don't know how to get to be accepted. I laugh with them and talk but ultimately I don't feel one of them.
When I meet with my old schoolmates, I still feel like I am the odd one out. I realise how many things happened that I was never aware of .... was never asked to participate in. It hurts!
This fear has been with me since secondary school and although I tried to change many a time I never managed much. I realise that what I have to do is surrender.....accept that I am me an individual who doesn't compromise her true self to be liked and if I stop trying, eventually some amazing friends will emerge.
Now all I have to do is actually surrender but the ego is strong and not easily persuaded! In the meantime, I will continue with my refuge- the internet- which seems to provide with a lot of interesting characters and is much easier to befriend.....
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Wednesday, December 16, 2009
fear and surrender
Sometimes I realise that even now at the age of 28 I still try to make myself accepted. That I still feel out of place when I meet up with the girls. I fear the rejection and yet don't know how to get to be accepted. I laugh with them and talk but ultimately I don't feel one of them.
When I meet with my old schoolmates, I still feel like I am the odd one out. I realise how many things happened that I was never aware of .... was never asked to participate in. It hurts!
This fear has been with me since secondary school and although I tried to change many a time I never managed much. I realise that what I have to do is surrender.....accept that I am me an individual who doesn't compromise her true self to be liked and if I stop trying, eventually some amazing friends will emerge.
Now all I have to do is actually surrender but the ego is strong and not easily persuaded! In the meantime, I will continue with my refuge- the internet- which seems to provide with a lot of interesting characters and is much easier to befriend.....
When I meet with my old schoolmates, I still feel like I am the odd one out. I realise how many things happened that I was never aware of .... was never asked to participate in. It hurts!
This fear has been with me since secondary school and although I tried to change many a time I never managed much. I realise that what I have to do is surrender.....accept that I am me an individual who doesn't compromise her true self to be liked and if I stop trying, eventually some amazing friends will emerge.
Now all I have to do is actually surrender but the ego is strong and not easily persuaded! In the meantime, I will continue with my refuge- the internet- which seems to provide with a lot of interesting characters and is much easier to befriend.....
5 comments:
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Daniela GF said...
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I do not know you a lot but from what I know, you have a great character and you do not have to feel bad about yourself...Look at what you have accomplished in life...You are married and have a lovely son. I'm sure that most of your friends are not happy as you are at the moment :)
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December 16, 2009 at 3:35 PM
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Anonymous said...
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I'm a little bit younger than you but I have similar feelings. I keep wondering if anyone really likes me. The truth is: I'm just different than most people, and that isn't a bad thing at all. It's a good thing. Unfortunately being different can be lonely. All I know is that I'm happy. Are you happy? If so than that is all that matters.
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December 16, 2009 at 4:09 PM
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Amity said...
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Hi Melissa;
I am so much older than you, almost twice our age, but I have this feeling that I like you very much and that you are a unique person, a happy and fun-to-be-with person. If we could have the chance to meet personally, I believe we would click.
What you are feeling is just but normal. Me, I try to live with that popular saying and I quote: 'you can not please everybody'....:)
I deal with people with my natural good self. No pretense. But they like me, maybe because I am a sweet and friendly one.
But just be you, don't act the part that you are not. The more you will fail in your relationships with other people if you do...:)
Good morning Melissa and hugs to your precocious GReggy...:) -
December 16, 2009 at 10:59 PM
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Marie said...
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I think everybody feels this way sometimes.
What really really helped me was to realize that God made me who I am for a reason. He has a specific purpose in mind for me and I am uniquely geared for it. Same for you! -
December 17, 2009 at 5:06 PM
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Roxane said...
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Anyone who doesn't like you doesn't deserve to have you in their lives! Trust me!
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December 17, 2009 at 11:11 PM
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5 comments:
I do not know you a lot but from what I know, you have a great character and you do not have to feel bad about yourself...Look at what you have accomplished in life...You are married and have a lovely son. I'm sure that most of your friends are not happy as you are at the moment :)
I'm a little bit younger than you but I have similar feelings. I keep wondering if anyone really likes me. The truth is: I'm just different than most people, and that isn't a bad thing at all. It's a good thing. Unfortunately being different can be lonely. All I know is that I'm happy. Are you happy? If so than that is all that matters.
Hi Melissa;
I am so much older than you, almost twice our age, but I have this feeling that I like you very much and that you are a unique person, a happy and fun-to-be-with person. If we could have the chance to meet personally, I believe we would click.
What you are feeling is just but normal. Me, I try to live with that popular saying and I quote: 'you can not please everybody'....:)
I deal with people with my natural good self. No pretense. But they like me, maybe because I am a sweet and friendly one.
But just be you, don't act the part that you are not. The more you will fail in your relationships with other people if you do...:)
Good morning Melissa and hugs to your precocious GReggy...:)
I think everybody feels this way sometimes.
What really really helped me was to realize that God made me who I am for a reason. He has a specific purpose in mind for me and I am uniquely geared for it. Same for you!
Anyone who doesn't like you doesn't deserve to have you in their lives! Trust me!
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