4 years ago....

......I had a baby girl and she grew into this 4 year old

full of love, joy and happiness.

excited for her celebration with Nanna & Nannu

dressed as a fairy for her actual birthday

she wanted a party :)

she was so excited and had a lovely day

we also went to the petting farm

but all the excitement tired her out so we ended the party with a meltdown.  Later though she was happy again and slept happily surrounded with her helium balloon

weaned from the breast

I guess I can say Maya weaned from the breast at 3.9 years of age.

While I initiated the process, well I still find it bitter sweet that she hasn't asked to nurse for the past week.  She still fondles and hold them to sleep :) and I doubt it will be soon before she stops doing that.

I am seriously at a lack of words at the realisation of what happened this week.

Cyclic changes

My journey has changed me considerably from the one I have been as a teen and young adult.

Motherhood of course played a major role in this.

Meeting some amazing people in the last 4 years though has really helped me to push when I felt that I had been stuck in mud.

These people not only helped me move forward in my spiritual life and the way I view life in general but has truly helped me see things I never saw before, thought of before - things that seemed regular, normal and were not.

That being said, I always danced to my own tune really, so somehow realising that I am actually a normal girl following my instincts rather than the cultural norm and that while it seems that I am alone in this, I am not, felt liberating.  It taught me so much more about me and about our life, how we view it and how we make it look to our children.

I guess the biggest eye openers have been about dilapidating, menstruation and sex among many other things.  The way women are viewed and what is expected of them and especially how this effects us all.

I have realised how damaging most of all this is to us women and how I can make sure my daughter learns otherwise despite moving against the current.  Because she is worth much more than that and so am I

My growing girl

The photo above is Maya last Summer.

Maya is completely into babies :) so that sometimes she is pregnant, giving birth or just caring for her little ones.  It is her most favourite game putting all the dolls and soft toys in 'beds' to put them to sleep.  Or doing pretend food and feeding them.

She still LOVES books and stories read and told.  She also enjoys with pure joy going on the swings - even standing.  She adores playing with other girls and sharing her toys.  She has also rediscovered her joy for swimming!

Maya also talks a lot - always has - but when you take the time to listen to her she says some lovely sweet things.

just born and having her first feed

For all her girlishness, she tends to be afraid of touching pets but becomes courageous if her brother is there doing the same.  When she gets hurt she goes into complete panic mode and will not let anyone touch her hurt part or move it for that matter.  At 3.5 years she still tantrums quite a lot and I still am not able to find a way to calm her down since she still refuses any contact or any gentle talking when in that mood.

But she still laughs a lot.  Shares - gets joy in sharing.  Helps.  Hugs.  Loves with all her might.

My sweet angel.

Maya's 1st day of school

I am alone at home.

It's quite a bereft feeling not having anyone to care for.  My heart, I can feel it hurting.

I am stunned and not yet comprehending.  Maya just said bye.  She had a twinkle in her eye.

After the last few weeks of gripping me fiercely, she just went without a second glance.  Fitting in with her class as if she'd been going since forever.

And I am here in the play room, full of toys strewn all over the place and not sure what to do and where to start.

I am amazed at her because after realising that school was really coming, she took these 3 weeks to come to terms with leaving me and while she hugged me fiercely this morning and told me so she feels better, I think she did more so I feel better.

I used to feel guilt knowing she is going to school and me feeling happy and I laugh at myself because now that it actually happened I am bereft.

A new chapter in our lives.  A string that started to unravel.  I wonder how school will shape her.

My little Miss Muffin

And as the Christmas magic disappears into thin air, I start thinking of what happens next.

Maya going into kindergarten.

Sincerely, I am looking forward to spending time alone- I really miss being on my own to be able and think, just think uninterruptedly, meditate, just living inside me.

And yet seeing her clinging to me (something I wasn't quite expecting from her), fearful, got me teary eyed.  I just hugged her, told her it will be fine, its just like when she was in class with Greg but instead will have different friends and teacher.  Told her its normal to feel a bit afraid because its kinda new to her but just like when we pick up Greg when school is over, so I will pick her up.  Told her she is ok, she is courageous and while she will miss me terribly, she can go hug her brother when she needs or the heart she has in her bag.

We visited her class and she went to play straight away alone in the kitchen.  Yes she was all the time wanting me near her but by the end of our visit she also spoke to the teacher as if nothing happened and when it was time to leave she said she will stay.  It gave me heart, she will truly be fine, she just needs to remember not to miss me too much that is all!

But being a mother is ultimately a worry job I suppose and so I am suddenly worrying that my little one who is eager to start school will cry and get me crying on her first day.  I fiercely love her.  Love the way she is turning out to be and look eagerly and maybe not so much to the changes school will put her through.

October

I love the month of October.

Life seems to start settling again in a rhythm and the craziness of Summer subsides to the quietness of Winter.

Its a time when I take a look at my kids and wonder - when did they become so different?

Gregory still isn't one that shares easily or to wait patiently.  however the love he is showing us is mind blowing.  They way he thinks is astounding.  The confidence that he gained is incredible.  and expressing his emotions and trying to release them in an appropriate way inspiring.

He is also showing reading readiness and courage and tiny bit more of tenacity and not giving up in frustration as quickly as he used to. And his imagination is wonderful! I admit that while I am enjoying having Maya alone at home for a good chunk of the day, I am also looking forward to teaching more to my son and am super excited with the curriculum I have come up with for both kids.

Maya is still very much in tantrum state and not  giving leeways on anything.  It is tiring to hear her cry or whine and not letting you console her.  I am hoping to learn a new way to calm her down now I can focus my attention on her.  She is also very incredible and intelligent for her age.  She is very good at using scissors already and is able to control her drawing much better than last Winter/Spring.  she is also very eager to learn her letters and numbers and of course reading is still her major hobby.  She loves stories and would invent a story for herself while eating.  She knows the colours, how to count and the alphabet and is starting to recognise them.  She loves singing and rhyming  and using paints.

My babies are growing and I am enjoying the changes they are bringing with each month that passes.

discovering catacombs

March

Towards living the season: 

We've been sowing and planting in our little field.  Greg has become very proficient in using the till.

 Towards Nurturing the minds:

I have started home-schooling Maya this week.  That is I have started some real structured schooling in her play time.

 She loves puzzles.

 and hand painting

 and more hand painting

Towards tending the home:
We have rearranged the toy/office/wash-room and it looks much better.  We have nearly completed the living/dining renovations and started thinking of the kitchen.

Towards thinking deeply:
I have been reading the Lent readings and patiently and slowly trying to understand what the Lord is saying to me.

Happy Birthday Maya

 My baby is no longer a baby and I can't quite call her a toddler either.
She is 2 today but I quite forget she is that age and many a time think she is a year older.

Maya has always been eager to catch up with her brother.  Now at age 2 - although there is 2 years between them - you don't quite see much difference between them.

She talks just as much as he does and understands just as much as you and I.  She runs, walks and is proud to have learnt how to jump as well.  She loves puzzles and books and mostly being told stories.  She enjoys copying every single bit of what we are doing.  So conversely, if my son says he doesn't like to eat something she refuses to eat it herself.  If I am swinging with my legs across, she will do the same.

Maya loves to sing and dance.  She can count and can recognize a few of the letters.  she adores dressing up and to be the complete opposite of her brother to eat sweets :)

My girl is very sensitive and quite confident yet very much attached to me.  She has an easy smile and will kiss and hug and say I love you quite often.  She is quite patient and doesn't mind sharing and she just loves children her age or younger and you will often see her going to hug any stranger's child she likes.

Maya has shown me a complete different life to what I was used to with Greg.  She balances him out completely and makes our lives more complete.

Happy 2nd Birthday baby girl!

Maya - 18 months

I am way due for an update on my little girl!

She seems to grow so fast, that I have to pinch myself at times.

She is a toddler now, verging into childhood already.  She talks in phrases and understands literally everything I ask.  From babyhood she knew what she wanted and this is now looking more pronounced especially when it comes to clothes.  Yeah she is a girl and LOVES dressing up.  Lately she started putting on my stuff and feeling happy about it and especially proud of walking in my pink heeled shoes.

When she feels like she can recite the numbers up till 14 without a mistake and tell her ABCs till G without a mistake.  She is getting more into dolls, though still not her main play thing, and loves to pretend cook just like her bro and just like her bro she simply enjoys playing  with planes - if he is there with her to do so!

She was always an easy eater so we haven't had issues and eats practically everything - though she does have favourites and dislikes!  She enjoys reading and drawing....on everything but paper!!!  What Gregory never did she has done and now HE is copying her!!  However now that  I started homeschooling, she is getting better and drawing only on papers given rather than walls or furniture.

She dislikes TV - probably mostly because she sees it as a threat- since we do not take notice of her when it is on and consequently she learnt how to put it off for us.  Still if she has Barney on, she maybe will view it for 5 mins only - I am actually very happy about this.

The smile she was born with is bigger and brighter than ever and her laughter fills the house when she is playing with her brother.  It is a joy for me to hear them talking to each other and especially sweet when he tells her to say OK to something and she obliges.  Other times she just says no to him and especially loves to get under his skin which of course annoys the heck out of him.  She is one big teaser!

She runs, tries to jump and loves to swim.  Playing in the sand or in the field.  On the swings and the slides.  Reciting nursery rhythms and building tower blocks.  Trying her hand at puzzles.

she loves to cuddle and giving hugs and kisses.

Maya  has brought balance.  Whereas  Greg tends to be moody she is the smiling happy go lucky girl that balances each other out.

I am blessed, we are blessed to have her and at 18 months her screaming nos echoing through the house are like music to my ears.

One year today

She is one today!

A toddler- no more a baby!

She walks, talks, climbs and tries to run.

She is full of expressions and love and smiles.

I wonder where time has gone....

You've grown so quickly that I hardly ever think you were a baby.

Love you loads Maya Abigail!



Its a girl!!!

Keep your hair on; I ain't having another baby!

But you know that little girl I had a few months back?  well look at her now.....

mom the floor needs cleaning!

I have to confess I didn't bond quickly with this one..... although I loved her and wanted her with all my heart, at the same time I made her guilty of me being angry a lot with Greg during her pregnancy.  I made her guilty of me not being able to give enough attention to my little boy.  And many other guilt trips which were of course all unwarranted and none her fault!

So although I loved her from the minute she was born, I kept her  at a distance....if both were crying she had to wait not Gregory mostly.  I didn't bother to learn her cries than felt frustrated that I didn't know what she wanted.  however, she is a sweet little girl and eventually I succumbed and left my instinct guide me and now I feel the guilt- the mommy guilt of not giving her my best from the very beginning!

At 9 months I can already see how different her character is from my little man.  From day one she loved to smile and does so all the time even if tired!  She knows what she wants and screams bloody murder for it.  She enjoys her food (no wonder I had to eat so much when pregnant!) and eats at every opportunity given.  she understands much more than my other one did at the same age.  What's more? she makes 5 paces on her own and prefers to try and walk rather than crawl.  She also loves to play with her brother (much to his dismay LOL).  She says mama with such passion when she wants me that I know it is not a simple babble!  She waves hello and bye, claps, make indian sounds, clucks her tongue.

She is a girl! and that's wonderful and I am so looking forward to spend some girly time with her soon :)

Good- truly good

We started going to Mass twice a week.
I am becoming involved in a coalition for better births here locally.  I am pretty excited about it and can't wait to meet up with everyone and have us all public.
Gregory is using the toilet sometimes and once in a blue moon the potty.  Most of the time he still prefers the nappy or doing it on the floor!
Maya started on solids and you can see her joy when we present her with said food rather than just plain old mama milk.
Gregory has some teeth coming out and for the past 2 weeks resumed sleeping in our bed.  A setback which I am fine with however as I know it is just a phase due to teeth and new developments.
His ventures to stop the nappy and his weaning from the breast are happening together - both according to his wishes and a few pushes from us here and there.  So the feeling of insecurity that is manifesting itself is quite appropiate and letting him snuggle up to us gives us all a good nights' sleep.
Maya is getting frustrated she can't be mobile and that means we might soon have her crawling all over the place- a nice new phase to look forward to.

It is all good.  Sometimes tiring.  Sometimes frustrating.  But it is all good!

Its been 5 months now

And frankly I got no idea how they flew by.  Our little girl is growing quicker than her brother...well that is the way it feels!

At 5 months she babbles, laughs out loud with gusto, sits, tries to play with toys, tells us whenever she is not happy with a decision we take and if it were her already eating solids (we do let her nibble here and there).

This girl whom at first I had no idea how to fit her in our schedule.  Whom I sometimes saw her as an interference between me and my son.  Is one of the best things in my life.  Because whilst Gregory can be difficult and stubborn,  I can see she is pliable and determined.  They will balance eachother out beautifully when she is older and with all the hugs and kisses she receives and with all the smiles and laughs she reserves just for him I wonder how life will unfold.

I am excited actually about it and although enjoying the present more than ever right now, I am also looking very forward to a year from now :)

Maya's Baptism

Maya's day was oh soooooo different from Gregory's.  Let's start with the fact that we had a full ceremony including mass (with Greg we just did the ceremony).  Let's continue by saying that with Gregory although we only did the ceremony which lasted approx 30 mins max, by the time half of it was over he was howling like a banshee as he was tired, hungry and had a dirty diaper.  This resulted in simply 2 photos of the occassion with not one which came looking good!

Fast forward 2 years....we have the full ceremony with mass and Maya is quiet all the way through.  She is tired and tried to sleep but due to noise didn't manage.  However she still smiles and waits patiently for the thousand photos we took (even I got fed up in the end).

It was a beautiful ceremony I have to admit and am happy we did it the proper way this time.  I loved the way she was dressed in my father's own Baptism dress.  I loved the names her Godparents chose and I loved having the family around.  Thank you for making this day- mother's day- so wonderful!

with my parents

the cake- my creation and so proud of it.  Teddy bear on top gift from my sister.

gorgeous smile of Maya Abigail Nicola Danielle

my beautiful family

trying to hold his sister

being Baptised

one of my favourites!

babes in pictures

Here are some recents pics as promised of my babies!

Need I really comment at this lovely pic?

This big chicken I won as part of a hamper pic found hereunder :)

Ok this is not a kid lol but loved this and was really happy I won it and thought of showing it to you all!

Lastly here is a video of Gregory painting :)

Maya's world & Gregory's universe

Maya's world is full of smiles and cooing sounds.  Mini push ups and lots of concentration to grab or touch the things in front of her.  At 2 months she knows exactly what she wants....attention, attention and more attention!

Gregory has a full universe now.  He vrooms his cars around, make animals talk to each other, recounts every story he is read or dvd shown and tells us what has happened during the day.  He is full of kisses first thing in the morning and lots more during the day.  His laughter fills the house as he asks repeatedly to be jumped around like a kangaroo.  At 2 years tantrums are nearly a daily occurance and discipline an all time high and although draining, exhausting and more, seeing his developing intellect, his social skills trying to click and emerge and coping with a new sister while trying to take it all in is a true wonder- amazing!

My babies! promise to post some pics soon.

One Month

This little missy is somehow already a month old!

After that interminable pregnancy, I wonder how the time flew with her in my arms.  Maya is so completely different from Greg that I stopped comparing within a week.  She sleeps a lot and drinks at leisure, with pauses and stops which drive me crazy.  She's growing oh so quickly that the newborn stuff will be packed away within a week.  She doesn't like feeling dirty and cries like a maniac till she is clean.  So much so that where as Greg used to have a weekly bath and sponging everyday, Maya takes a bath every 3 days.

When awake she wants to be on someone and participate in this new world of hers.  Enjoys being weared around and sleeps heavenly like that.  And frankly, I still got no idea how to fit her in and give her the attention she deserves  and that I am missing right now.  However on the bright side of things, its all getting easier to deal with and so believe the solution is very soon coming.