weaned from the breast

I guess I can say Maya weaned from the breast at 3.9 years of age.

While I initiated the process, well I still find it bitter sweet that she hasn't asked to nurse for the past week.  She still fondles and hold them to sleep :) and I doubt it will be soon before she stops doing that.

I am seriously at a lack of words at the realisation of what happened this week.

Of diamonds and friends

This post is dedicated to that woman who has come in my life recently and has helped me in more ways than I care mention.

Friends are like diamonds they say precious and difficult to find.  I can not agree more!

For as long as I remember, I never really had a friend, a best friend that is, with whom to share all my difficulties and joys. A friend who listens without judging or trying to help even when clearly you can't.

My first awareness of this lack was in secondary school where I was part of a group but not really with them.  It acutely felt terrible knowing none of those girls can be called friends in that intimate sense.  When later after 10 years or so we had a reunion, I realised how little I had known of my own isolation... it hurt even though so many years had passed.

I tried to find that special friends for many years, but I got to mistrust people to the point that I always kept back a lot and so my trying wasn't good enough since I myself kept everyone at a distance.

Kids change you!  I have a special cousin who fills this gap nowadays.  Recently though I have been blessed with another such wonderful soul.  It was unlikely we'd ever be friends or anything at first glance; but family matters and work brought us together and I would never change this for anything in the world.  She listens in silence if there is nothing else she can offer, she guides me in difficult times, she helps when I feel overwhelmed.

I want to thank you for being such a wonderful friend to me.  My burden is not as heavy since you appeared in my life.  I look forward to meet up or chat online.  We laugh and cry and it feels really good.

May your life be blessed with lots of love, peace and joy.

Some cake will do just fine

I feel like cake.  Nice chocolate cake.

Right now, my body is tired.  Every part of me is screaming for some time alone to meditate, to nurture, to love myself.

I still got 2 weeks before both kids are in school, so that is not quite an option.  And damn am I finding it difficult to be present to my kids.  My kids who right now really really need me as school approaches and the anxiety is settling in.

I am irritable, short tempered and scary to myself so even more so to my little babes.

Today Greg's anger reached the point of no return and I let him scream and rage and cry.  He needed it.  And when that happened I found myself again.  The mother I am meant to be: calm and loving and understanding.

Tomorrow is a new day and my body will still be tired and pining away for my me time.  I am dreaming of retreating with yoga, chants, healthy food, massage and possibly even a good laugh with friends.  But tomorrow I will do my utmost to push it all on the back burner for a while longer.  Because I want my kids to go to school relaxed and happy and care free.

So tomorrow I will wake up and think of love filling every crevice of this house till it shines and outshines the rest of our village.  It will overflow and we will be happy and my kids will once more know they can start relax again, their mummy is back.

Changing winds

The days are rolling in.  Summer is coming to an end.

So many things to plan and do.  So many updates need to be made.  So many projects need to be finished.

It is all kinda overwhelming and exciting. For a change I am looking forward to kids returning to school.  To be able and meet up with the fabulous ladies that are pushing me, helping me and changing me to reach my full potential in my work.

This coming year will have a lot of newness in it.