mining through parenting

Yesterday I forgot the world.

I left my son in his father's hands, the house in my husband's hands and I just sat down and read and read and read.

Whenever, my pup spotted me he came running into my arms wanting some mummy attention and truth be said I did feel guilty when that happened. However, I needed this time and I couldn't function for the day.

The book - My Sisters' Keeper by Jodi Picoult - is wonderful and I am not talking just the storyline. In between the lines you can see the pain, frustration, insecurities of us parents. Parenting at the end of the day is worse than a minefield. From the moment you get to know you are expecting, every decision you make is bound to be made with the childs' well being in mind. The problem is that this isn't as easy as it seems because parenting has so many faces.
Should I breastfeed or not, should I use gentle discipline or not, should I use something in between? All the pros and cons can be evaluated, you can read a million books but ultimately parenting is a journey you have to take alone. Every one of us has to find their own path but this path is most of the time like groping in darkness. Trying to find, understand, make sure that our children are brought up healthy and balanced when we ourselves are not.

This book summed it up perfectly and I thought-we all do the best we can or what we believe is best and maybe a lot of people might think we are not doing it well but we all have our ways and that's ok. All we have to do is remember when things get thick is that we are doing our best and need to step back and breathe because this is not a competition on how to bring up a child or a test its about loving them and hearing them and listening to them.

May you have a great weekend

1.5 years

My puppy is growing so fast. Suddenly I am seeing so many changes within him it makes me smile.

• Right now he's mummy's boy - won't let me easily out of his sight
• Loves watching Disney's Cars
• He is trying a lot of food even if he rejects half of them
• His vocabulary is expanding everyday
• Loves helping out with the sweeping, washing up, putting shoes in their cupboard & more
• Enjoys himself immensely using poster colours (colour of which ends on every part of his & my body & floor not just paper) & crayons
• And boy does he know to show when he is not happy with something?

Although sometimes you see what looks like defiance in him, I celebrate his new found independence and pushing of limits. I got more the hang of discipline to and some worked a treat instantly, others I am still waiting for it all to click in his mind- the cause and effect issue!

Also since doing my best to keep more to a routine I see more positiveness in him that keeps coming out waiting for me to help guide.

My Gregory at 1 and a half years!

burden or blessing?

In this pregnancy I was given a burden - sitting bones pain also known as SPD. Basically my pelvis which should start to be more flexible to facilitate the birth of the baby, actually starts moving that inch or less more than necessary causing pain.

I have been angry about this fact, sad, making my own life miserable and complaining non stop to anyone who would hear about poor me problems. What however, I had missed understanding was that this trait was given to me by God himself. This trait should be seen as a blessing!

It is there to show me once more that we need cooperation and help between us. Compassion and love. It is also there so that I can find my own inner strength once more - this was lost somewhere along my married life and probably even before that actually!

So today I am thankful to have understood what is required of me before it was too late. I will love my body and treat it with more compassion. I will seek help and compromise with my husband and also with other family members that are ready to do a lot to help us along and I will meditate so I find once more my inner strength- something which I will be needing very soon.

book parties

Today we attended a book party where me & Greg plus six other children had a short dance followed by a story, re-enactment of the story by flash cards than we had a bag full of toys that start with the letter C and in the end a craft project. It was wonderfully organised and enjoyed it myself.

However, my little boy isn't prepared for such structured projects or at least not in a group. Besides it coincides with his nap time which although most of the time I do prolong it till later without problems he was not happy today to do so. It might also be the teething that was bothering him more than usual and include to that the Summer heat. Whatever happened to Greg today, he didn't enjoy the class as he should have. I decided to try it again next week but if similar results happen I won't go anymore and instead try to do something similar at home as it is a great way to get children to learn while having fun.

I admit I was more disappointed myself with what happened and for an insane moment felt like I was a bad mother coz my son was having a fit nearing to a tantrum (which I avoided) in front of others. I don't know why or maybe yes...my self esteem is on the low right now and of course Greg can feel my uncertainty and lack of confidence which is reflected in him and so the ball starts to unravel quite quickly. Still I am quite thankful of this experience as it gave me some great ideas to do myself at home and to share with others.

Summer is my downfall

I love going to the beach but other than that Summer can simply not exist.

My energy level always drain when the heat starts soaring and so I look at my house, my family, myself and feel like things got abandoned way beyond recognition or acceptable levels. Now that I got down to really explore what my body can do in yoga and hopefully test this new routine later today, I believe that things will start moving again.

I decided to make to do lists for all areas of my life and start slowly slowly to elimate them one by one. Its going to take a lot of time but that is something I have and can control and looking forward to all the changes this might involve.

at 12-13weeks pregnant

Today I had my ultrasound which determined exactly how old is the baby....for those who are not aware, I still breastfeed and my cycle had just started when I got pregnant again and so we weren't sure when the baby was due. That was solved as it seems baby should be born round about the new year , which is quite incredible.

This morning I was looking forward and yet terrified of the ultrasound for quite a stupid reason. In the first few weeks my tummy started showing that slight little bump quickly and than seemed to stop grow and I wondered if something was wrong. Thankfully everything looks normal and guess what- when I compared my weight gain with Greg's at 11 weeks I was 62 kg and at 12 weeks I am now 61 kg so my worry of gaining quickly was completely unfounded.

Although most professionals will probably laugh at me, I am sure I can feel the baby move sometimes and believe me during the ultrasound this baby simply didn't stop moving! he was summersaulting and kicking so much. I on the other hand am feeling quite healthy and happy and i am actually not dreading and worrying anymore about my growing tummy but actually enjoying it more for which i am soooo pleased. I am also working hard to getting a new yoga routine in place for me at home but isn't so easy to do. My only downfall is how quickly I am tiring - me needing a nap in the afternoon was never heard of and yet when Greg premits it is what I am doing!

I hope you are all enjoying the Summer- more news soon!

I dreamed....

Today, I started thinking of all the changes I wished to do to our house so that eventually it will look more like a home than just a house where we live in.

But later on, I started dreaming of the perfect house inthe perfect location and well perfect in everything. I know the house.....it is there so far abandoned- probably built illegally but left there standing house for small animals and birds.

It has a big garden (well right now it has a medium garden and a pool - but I wouldn't keep the pool), the house is all ground floor and has enough space for a studio for hubby and a yoga studio for me.

So i dream that one day soon that place would still be available and we can afford to buy it .......